Beers and Beards

“Halt! No weapons in the presence of the King,” one of them shouted in that no-nonsense, ‘I don’t really want to be dealing with you’ tone unique to vice-principals and policemen.

Joseph gestured at some seating just down the hall. “I’ll need to ask you to stay behind, Lady Laurelstone. And one of your companions too, Lord Roughtuff. Please leave your weapons as well.”

I nodded. “Aye. Starshine, do ya mind waitin’?”

“Ach, aye.” The heavily plated dwarf took Balin’s axe and my warhammer, then walked over with Lady Laurelstone to hold up the wall.

The guard scanned us with his eyes, and probably a couple more Abilities. Then he gestured, and the doors swung open on their own. “You may enter. Please wait to be called by the Sergeant at Arms.”

And then we were through the doors, and inside a plushly appointed room. It wasn’t too big, only about five meters by five meters. Another pair of gilded double doors sat on the opposite end.

“This is the antechamber.” Joseph said, taking a seat on a green gold-trimmed couch. “They’ll give us a short warning before we’re due to enter. The guards will have notified them that we’re here.”

I sat on the couch across from Joseph and stretched out my feet while Balin stood behind me.

Joseph looked up at him. “You two are brothers? By blood or bond?”

I smiled. “By bond. Me brother and I went through a lot together.”

“Dwarves do take their kin and clans quite seriously.” Joseph looked oddly wistful. “Elves are not quite so.”

“Any advice before we meet tha King?” I asked. I’d crash coursed on elven etiquette with Duke Barnes and Tourmaline, but I could use any advice my elven business partner would give.

“Absolutely. The current King does stand somewhat on etiquette, so you’ll need to ensure you make bows at twenty meters and ten meters. Don’t approach the throne any closer than that. Just follow my lead.”

“Aye.”

“Make sure not to look him in the eye.”

“Heh. Eye.”

“And he’s going to ask you about being Barck’s Chosen. I recommend you be as cagey as possible.”

“Ay - erm.” I blanked. Fully. Blue screen of death. I had to use a [Flash of Insight] to get things started again. I jumped to my feet, and Balin went to pull out his confiscated weapon but grasped at air. “You’re-!”

Joseph sketched a bow while seated. “I am. Joseph Stannard, once Giuseppe Civran of the Republic of Venice. This crop’s Chosen of Tiara, Goddess of Riches. This room is protected against scrying so we have a few moments to discuss things openly here, Peter. The King will want you to swear yourself to him, but you must not do it.” @@novelbin@@

There’d always been a possibility of this being a trap for me as a walking dungeon, let alone one of the God’s Chosen. Balin and I had discussed at length what our options would be in that scenario. They were limited. I had an emergency Commstone that would put me in contact with Duke Schist, and a heavily enchanted rock that was constantly broadcasting my location to a paired item in Kinshasa. I just had to get somewhere safe, then wait for some dwarven diplomats to come arrange my release.

Dwarven diplomacy often involved axes.

Thankfully, I pretty much always had a safe place to hide close at hand these days.

“You have to ten,” I stated, walking to the nearest wall while Balin stood guard beside me. “Then I’m opening a door to Cascadia and shutting it behind me. And I’m only giving you that because I’ve known you for so long. Speaking of which, how

If I closed the door behind me, I’d get stuck there, but he didn’t know that. And there were always options for getting out that I could try later.

Joseph remained seated, and crossed his legs sedately. “The King knows you’re a Chosen because the founder of Awemedinand was a Chosen. I know because I’m one myself, and you aren’t exactly subtle.”

I began counting down on my fingers. “Ten. Why are you telling me now?”

“A fair question. I'm constantly under watch, but the antechamber here is enchanted against all scrying. It's important to ensure diplomats can speak frankly before meeting the King,” Joseph explained, palms out. “The King can't move against me too explicitly, but he is my King, he can make things difficult for me. I'd prefer to stay in his good graces, so I kept quiet. I’m telling you now because His Majesty will no doubt try to trick or trap you; he wants as many Chosen under his thumb as possible.” ℞Ã₦Ö𐌱ΕS

“Like you? Nine.”

Joseph looked offended at the thought. “No! Not at all! I’m only under his thumb so much as I want to continue being one of the wealthiest people in the country. The downside to a monarchy, you understand. But we Earthers should stick together, and that’s worth enough for me to risk warning you here.”

I scoffed. “Eight! You said you were from Venice? What year?”

Joseph shrugged. “The sixteenth century. Does the exact year matter?”

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“I guess not. And from what I know about the Venetians, I can definitely accept economic self interest as a motivation. Still doesn’t mean I feel like trusting you though. And speaking of trust, does Berry know, or are you just leading her on? Seven!

Joseph’s mouth thinned. “I’d rather not discuss that right now. Frankly, my romantic relationship is not really your business.”

“Like hell it isn’t, speakin’ of Earthers stickin’ together. Six!”

“Ugh. Rasberrysyrup has a unique way of looking at the world, and is quite shrewd when it comes to your modern ‘pop culture’. Even moreso than you, though she lacks your professional expertise. I also enjoy speaking with her; she makes me laugh. She will make an excellent partner for a few hundred years. I haven’t fully told her about my past yet, but she also hasn’t told me!” His tone grew a bit terse at the end there. Was he really upset that she was keeping her status a secret from him?

“Not sure I believe you on all that. We’ll have to chat more, assuming I don’t leave. Five. Why were you in Crack?”

Joseph waved his hand nonchalantly. “His Majesty had me pegged quite quickly, and offered me a minor position in the government. Then he sent me to Crack to find others. All the signs were pointing to your country as having one or more Chosen with all the turmoil there.”

“Four. To do what, just find and report?”

Joseph relaxed back into his sofa, calm as a cucumber even as my heart hammered in my chest. “To look for any Chosen that might be a threat to the Kingdom, while also fulfilling the request of Tiara. And to bring any Chosen that showed potential to Awemedindand.”

“And kill any that didn’t? Three. What’s the greedy possessive munchkin want?”

Joseph looked scandalized, “She’s a GODDESS, Pete!’”

I rolled my eyes.

Joseph leaned forward, his tone turning wheedling. “I wasn’t going to kill anybody, just report back to the King if I considered anyone dangerous. Lord Harmsson could’ve been, but you outfoxed him handily. As for Tiara, She just wants to open the trade barriers that’ve formed over the past few Millennia. Simply put, she wants more people to possess more things.”

I paused in my counting. “Huh. That’s good for me, actually. Is that why all this?” I gestured widely. “Because you were some bigshot Venetian businessman?”

Joseph folded his hands on his lap. “A Patrizio. Yes.”

“That certainly explains your motivations and role. Also makes me trust you less. TWO.”

“Wait! Why!?”

“Any vintner worth their salt has read up on the Venetians. The glassblowers of the Island of Murano practically invented the crystal wine glass. I even owned one of their bottles. It was beautiful, fanciful, and bloody expensive.”

“Of course!” Joseph practically preened. “All art and culture flowed from Italia!”

“And the glass craftsmen were put to death if they tried to leave Murano. The Venetian nobility were snakes. What guarantees do you have that this isn’t a trap? ONE.”

Joseph finally cracked, but only in his eyes, which gained an air of desperation. “His Majesty can’t do anything to you! I can’t either!”

I raised a bushy brow.“Why?”

“The Tree forbids it! Unless you count as a threat to the Tree itself!”

I dropped my hand, which I’d placed up against the wall to prepare to use [Dungeon Dimension]. “Now we’re talkin’. The Tree? The [Mother Tree]?”

Joseph looked chagrined. “Yes. Or rather, its owner. The founder of Awemedinand. And likely the oldest of the God’s Chosen still alive on Erd. Unless there’s a draconic Chosen still walking around.”

I gawped. “Holy shit.”

“Yes, and she will not allow any other Chosen to come to harm. And the King is only King by her forbearance. It’s complicated, but His Majesty Ezrael cannot move against you without jeopardizing his position. So he will seek your willing cooperation or trick you into it.”

“And you don’t want me to give it to him.”

Joseph grinned slyly. “No! I’m quite happy with being the sole purveyor of dwarven beer and brewing materials to Awemedinand. And whatever else you invent, as the Chosen of Invention.”

“And if I decide that a King would make a superior business partner?”

He sighed. “Then I would be disappointed, but I would understand. I think you would be hitching your bags to the wrong Kododo though.”

“Hmmm…” I eyed him critically. “Have you gotten any hidden achievements?”

“You mean the one for melding my body and soul? Yes. [Mother Tree] recommended doing it as quickly as possible. Berry still hasn’t, and I can see how it's affecting her. Harmsson never did either. You can tell; they don’t quite fit.”

I had noticed that. Moreso with Berry since I knew her better.

I stepped away from the wall. I was still uneasy, but…

I’d known Joseph for about a year. He’d been a good and honest business partner, and I didn’t consider myself that bad a judge of character. Besides, most of what he’d told me wasn’t new information; ever since the reveal that Copperpot knew what I was, I’d always assumed the higher nobility had protocols for dealing with Chosen Catalysts when they popped up.

“Fine, I won't run now,” I growled, “but if anything suspicious happens I'm booking it. And we’re gonna talk later.”

“You sure, Pete?” Balin asked.

“Aye.”

Joseph relaxed again. “You are an ambassador from one of our closest trade partners. That adds another layer of untouchability.”

Now it was my turn to slump into the couch. “Ugh. Does Schist know?”

Joseph pulled at his ears. “Hmm, possibly. Though he shouldn't have before he became Duke. Has his behavior towards you changed since then?”

I thought it over. “No, not really.”

“Then does it matter?”

I sighed, and raked my fingers through my beard. “I guess not. Agh!”

There was a knock at the throne door. A moment later, the door creaked open and another mithril armoured guard peaked inside. “His Majesty will see you now.”

Joseph rose to his feet, “Last chance to leave.”

Eh, I had a quest. And the entire might of Crack behind me. “Eh, let's go. Come on Balin, Let's meet the King!”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes!”