Beers and Beards

That evening, I found myself in the Liminal Inn of the Thirsty Goat up into the wee early hours. The clientele and students had long gone home, and I was surrounded by the husks of empty cider casks, with a replete and very sleepy goat at my feet. I idly scratched Penelope’s ear as I went down a line of Whistlemugs, trying each one at a time with my new Ability.

*Bing!*

Discerning Palate: Juniper Swallowtail

Maker: Juniper Swallowtail

Origin: Tree, Awemedinand

Ingredients: Galatia Apples, Goldenrod Apples

I gagged as the cider hit the back of my throat.

“Ugh! That’s sour!” I sputtered, drooling the cider back into the glass.

I made some notes in my journal and sat back in my chair. I was pretty tired, but my mind was just whirling with all things cider. This was precisely the reason I’d taken Duke Schist’s offer – the chance to really get into brewing again.

The problem at this moment was that the elves had found the cider too sour. A common problem, apparently. At least the gnomes had liked it.

Reducing sweetness was easy, I just had to make sure to ferment completely dry.

Increasing sweetness served a unique problem, since adding more sugar to the cider would just result in more fermentation and a higher ABV.

The solution to this was something called backsweetening.

“Tell me Penelope, you like sweet things. Do you want some sweeter cider? You definitely liked the sweeter ciders the most.”

*Maaah….* [Translated from Primma Donna Goat] “Silence, your princess is sleeping.”

“Mirelda said she wanted sweeter cider too. Only problem is I’m not sure how to do that here. Two of the ingredients I need are gonna be a pain in the arse to find without playing ‘needle in the haystack’ with my [Map] filters.”

Penelope tossed in her sleep. *Baaaaa…. MEEEH* [Translated from Primma Donna Goat] “Dost thou have a rock between thine ears? Silence, peasant, I require my beauty sleep!”

“See, the problem is that the yeast in yer cider is gonna want to ferment any sugar you put in it. So if you try to sweeten a dry cider, it’s just gonna ferment again, leaving you with a bottle full of trub.”

*Nnnnnnnnbbbbbbb - splutter* [Translated From Primma Donna Goat] “I swear to the Gods…”

“The obvious solution is ta kill off the yeast, then add some sugar, which we call ‘backsweetening’. The first and tha’ easiest way to backsweeten is ta use an artificial sweetener like Xylotil, or Splenda if you’re feelin’ like a philistine, and then adding that to the cider. The yeast can’t eat it, so no more fermentation! Problem is I ‘ave no idea if those exist in Erd. Xylotil was always me go to, even if it were a bit more expensive.”

I took a sip of a different Cider.

*Bing!*

Discerning Palate: Juniper Swallowtail

Maker: Peter Roughtuff

Origin: Tree, Awemedinand

Ingredients: Galatia Apples, Goldenrod Apples, Mana

It tasted quite pleasant this time, with just the right levels of tart and sweet. The taste of apples was practically magnified, and my stomach sang its praises. I'd secretly used my spell [Applefy] on it, and it made quite a difference! I made some more notes, then leaned back and continued rubbing between Penelope’s horns.

“But the best method for backsweetening is to stabilize the fermentation, then sweeten. If I still had [Stabilize Brew] I’d probably be able to use it to do it, but unless I can find someone else with the Ability I’ll need to do it the old fashioned way. It’s easy enough, just need to mix some sulfite and sorbate into the cider. I usually used Potassium Metabisulfite, since it was cheapest and worked quick. Mix some sulfite into the cider, wait 12 hours for it to work into the cider, mead, or wine, and then add the Potassium Sorbate. Done.”

Penelope leaned into my scritches, her feet kicking in her sleep. She gave a contented bleat. I scritched harder and my tone turned to one of concern.

“What’s that Penelope? You’re worried about the poor yeasts? They worked so hard, don’t kill them! Don’t worry! None of this kills the yeasts. The free sulfites just act as a preservative, inhibiting growth. It’s also why ciders will last longer after opening than other drinks. The sorbates

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I glanced up at a clatter from the kitchen, but it was just Bran finishing up for the night. He gave me a cheery wave and a yawn, then headed for the stairs down to the clan holdings. I considered asking him for a sandwich, but decided against it; my stomach had been pushing against my belt of late, and I had no interest in becoming as wide as I was tall.

“Of course, it’s not really that easy,” I continued. “There’s some steps in between, like checking the pH of the brew to match the amount of sulfites required, and using a hydrometer to ensure that the fermentation has fully stopped after adding the sorbates, but they’re mostly steps you’d be takin’ anyway. Then comes the fun part, choosing the sweetener.”

*mmmmmmbaahhhh* [Translated From Primma Donna Goat] “Why are you doing this to me?”

I patted her flank. “Shh, shh, shh, you’re just gonna sleep through it anyway. You had enough cider ta drop anyone short of Rumbob. Thank you for not going ballistic on poor Mirelda, by the way. I guess you going insane for new drinks only applies to magical alcohols. Ohhh!” I added a note to my brewing journal – ‘get some inherently magical apples and try using [Refine Brew] on the cider’.

“Picking the sweetener is actually an important part of getting the balance right. Some sweeteners will add flavour, like honey, while others will just increase sweetness. Problem in Erd is that most sweeteners add a significant cost, since the primary source of sugar is Greentree dungeon vine. Except…”

I pulled a sheet of paper out of my pocket and stared at it. “Except there’s a new resource from a new dungeon. And it’s easier to get.”

The paper included a list of important finds from Balin and company. Among them were descriptions of plants, animals, and possible locations for our first Teleportation Square. Among the many hilarious riffs on alcohol and Canadiana in the dungeon, there was something I’d been expecting, something that could be a game changer for Erd.

Broad Leaf Maples.

LOTS of them. SCADS of them.

And they pumped out sap like a never ending fountain. A mana infused sap that could be processed into that even more magical ingredient - maple syrup.

I closed the paper and closed my eyes, imagining it. The maple trees alone made using the Worldstone for this the correct choice. If we broke into the sugar vine monopoly, it would be big money. And the trees could be farmed, while adventurers had to make a special point of finding and picking sweet vine. It was impossible to grow dungeon plants outside of the dungeon, and the sweet vines just didn’t take to common dungeon cultivation techniques.

Whelp, it was getting about time for me to enter the dungeon anyway. As soon as the first teleporter was in, I was going to head in for the Milestone. Everybody who reached the first teleportation point in a dungeon received a free Milestone, so I might as well do it in mine.

But first, Brightstar had to beat the Goooose, and I had to talk to Joseph.

We had business, the Patricio and I…

—

“Joseph, I’m not sure I’m comfortable doing this!” I whinged.

“It’s fine, you egg! Just put it in!” The elf nagged.

“But it hurts!”

“Just use more oil!”

“No!” I shrieked. “And I’m not doing a round of amusing innuendos with you! There are children present!”

“I. Am. Not. A. Child.” Berry hissed. “Stop saying that!”

“When you stop calling me old man,” I shot back, faux offended.

“Hmm… I’m with Berry on this one,” Joseph mused. “It makes me a mite uncomfortable to have her compared to a child.”

“You’re over 700 years old, you don’t get to talk.” I grumbled. Then let out a small ladylike scream as the tree shifted. Berry giggled and Joseph chuckled.

Joseph patted me on the back as I dry heaved. “Only my body. I’m not much older than you are in soul, I think. And besides, you asked to join us, so put the harness on.”

We were currently over a hundred feet up a tree, preparing to go bungee jumping. How Berry and Joseph had convinced me to do it was beyond me. Yet here I was, trying to squeeze into a leather harness which was just a bit too small, which required an uncomfortable amount of oil.

Holding onto the railing of a small crows nest suspended above nothing, with a death grip that left me white knuckled while my stomach fought gravity wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time. At least Penelope wasn’t up here too, so my nightmares weren’t literally coming true.

“Joseph,” I said, my voice shaking. “This is fun and all, but I asked to talk because we need to have a meeting of the Catalysts. Really sit down and talk about everyone’s plans, where we all are with our influence quests, and what to do if we meet a Catalyst who’s a little more… warlike.”

Joseph nodded. “Regardless of your desire to remain independent of Awemedinand, you would still have our support. The King recognizes the good that you’ve been doing, and wouldn’t see it jeopardized.”

“Peachy,” I grumbled. “He could arrange that meeting with The Winery that I’ve been asking for for a literal year.”

Joseph shrugged. “Patience Peter, He knows by now that that’s His only leverage over you. You’ll need to do something especially impressive for Him to be willing to give you the option elsewise.”

“Or wait till he gets deposed.” I muttered.

“Now, now.” Joseph shushed. “He’s very sensitive about the whole ‘A Tree Can Get Rid Of You’ thing. We do have the Ambassadorial spring ball coming soon. Wny not ask him then? Will you have some ciders for us to try? That could help; the king is a fan of pear ciders in particular.”

I considered it. Maple Pear Cider was a rather unique taste, and I’d met the King, so I could use [Discerning Palate] with him as the target.

“Fine. I’ll have something to knock both yer socks off.” I said, my confidence restored.

Then, while I was still feeling it, I squeezed into the oiled-up harness, did my ready check, and jumped.

Or was pushed by Berry, I couldn’t quite tell.

What with all the screaming.