Dungeon Life

Chapter Three-Hundred Thirty-Nine

Teemo doesn’t elaborate for the three, mostly because I’m still deciding exactly what to do. He just thanks them for me and sends them on their way, letting me focus on what I actually expect and can accomplish with some vigilantism.

It’s definitely something to be really careful about. The Punisher or Rorchach might be cool in comics, but trying to do that in reality doesn't end well for anyone. Any sort of interference in criminal activity will need to be non-lethal. Luckily, my denizens specialize in that.

On the other hand… that could be a trap. I doubt the Earl is Machiavellian enough to expect me to send my own denizens out to stop anyone trying to intimidate the delvers, but I do think he’s smart enough to abuse technicalities to try to get some kind of leverage on me. And with how poorly I think his initial plans are going, he’d probably leap at the chance to get any leverage.

As I understand it, the definition of a murderous dungeon is one that sends out hostile expeditions. I doubt most people would consider stopping crime to be hostile, but it’d still be attacking people outside of my territory. The local ODA would probably ignore him, but I don’t know how resistant the organization at large would be. The Earl could even have enough clout and other leverage that it wouldn’t even matter if he’s talking out his rear. I might be a big deal locally, but I doubt the ODA as a whole would want to bother arguing with the Earl if he’d cost them more money than I make them.

There’s hardly social media here, but being a propagandist is probably the second oldest profession. I could probably have plausible deniability, but in the court of public opinion, that won’t get me far. While Fourdock wouldn’t buy it, I dunno about the kingdom at large.

So what else can I try? My dwellers? Oof… that feels like a recipe for disaster, but can it be managed without me feeling like a scumbag? I could give select ones the best composite armor and have a fox follow them around with an illusion. I could probably make it look like it’s just one person thwarting the criminals, when it’s actually dozens. I… don’t like that idea. It feels too much like using them like my personal army. I might literally need to do that some day, but I don’t think that day is today.

What about a different tactic? Instead of being shady vigilantes, what if the dwellers start being a neighborhood watch, wandering the streets to keep an eye on everyone? That makes me feel a lot less like a scumbag, but I’m pretty sure that’d be a big mistake.

I already apologized to Rezlar when people mobilized to protect the town from Hullbreak and his desperate hurricane gambit. It all worked out well in the end, but it’d be a lot more difficult to argue it was an accident if I do it a second time. And with the Earl around, it’d probably be the easiest excuse he could hope for to take over Fourdock directly.

I could try to be a bit less direct, instead encouraging friendship between the dwellers and the delvers. They’re already on pretty friendly terms, but I think they’re more business friends than hanging out friends. More than fine to do business with, have some small talk about the wife and kids, but not the kind of friendship to invite to a drink or to hang out at your home. Encouraging closer friendship is definitely a good thing, and I’ll probably try to have Aranya encourage that anyway, but I don’t think it’d help secure the casual delvers.

Hmm… what else can I do? I can’t attack directly, and trying some indirect methods seems like a bad option, too. I chew on it for a few minutes, turning it over, stepping back and examining assumptions, looking for other angles to come at it.

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And I get an idea. I don’t need to attack. So far, the image I’ve given the Earl is a dungeon that is a lot less subtle than it might think it is, with my ravens staring at his forces whenever they show up. Hopefully, he doesn’t know about the sneaky foxes, and I can use this new idea to help keep away suspicion. If he thinks I’m pretty overt, he won’t be as worried about covert

I poke Poe with new patrols and stations for the ravens, wanting them to follow the casual delvers home and have some hanging out in their neighborhoods, as well as to ring the territory of the criminals. If I’m deliberately not subtle and make sure the criminals know I’m watching, that should throw them off their game.

And I won’t even need to attack with the ravens. They can caw “No!” and cause a racket, alerting not only whoever the potential intimidation target is, but getting the attention of everyone around. It’s a lot more difficult to make an offer someone can’t refuse when there’s an unkindness of ravens causing a racket and drawing attention.

It’d probably still stick in the craw of the criminal boss, but then it’ll be his problem to try to figure out how to retaliate. If the shady plot is dragged out into the open, the actual guards will get involved, even without the civilians trying to get tough. Retaliating against them wouldn’t help, and would probably bring down the guards pretty hard. And with the watchbirds around their territory, it’ll be pretty obvious that I know where their base is. I again wouldn’t even need to attack them directly. If I just make a circus of their home with denizens just running around and existing, it’d just make sense that the guards would have to come take a look.

If they want to be subtle, I can strike back with the opposite of subtlety. A bit of scrutiny would ruin them, but I’d hardly even notice. Attention is good advertising for me, and I doubt public opinion would sour if I exposed some big crime ring.

Poe is quick on the uptake with the new expedition needs, and soon the birbs take wing. I take a look at the bird spawner to see if I can handle making it into a lair, but it’d be pretty tight without dipping into the ally fund. Everyone seemed to be fine with me taking some for the other lairs, but I don’t want to push it, nor do I want to get used to relying on it. I don’t want to get into debt that I can’t pay off.

The current spawns will be fine for now. With the combination of wolves and foxes, as well as some living vines, rockslides, and bees, I’m not in any danger of getting blindsided by an army or anything. In fact, speaking of bees, I poke Poe once more to get some bees into the crime base, too.

They don’t need to be subtle. In fact, it’d probably only help the ruse if they are pretty easy to spot. Cappy is working on infiltrating with his mycelia, and my bees can help with some spores to spread, too. While the criminals are dealing with bees, they’ll certainly make some kind of secure room with countermeasures for them. And while they’re distracted by bees, Cappy can quietly infest what they think is a secure area, letting him get all the juicy secrets they’re trying to hide.

It’s not hard to get Teemo to check in with Violet and Onyx to coordinate on this. Violet is taking her part as informant seriously, and is happy to get a little helping hand. Just because she’s the best suited for this, doesn’t mean I can’t give her some help.

I also learn that the criminals did, in fact, block their sewers. They did a good enough job that Violet’s sewer expansion doesn’t actually count their territory, which is surprising. Or maybe not. If sewer dungeons are common, and criminals like to keep their bases as secure as possible, they probably figured out long ago how to keep any expansions from easily taking over. Violet could specifically expand into the area they own, but with how small it is in relation to the rest of the sewers, there’s not much point.

Cappy is slowly working his way through their barricade, but having some spores on the inside will speed things up significantly for him, so he’s eager to get the help of some bees, too. I also make sure Violet knows I’m proud of how she’s doing, not just in the spying, but in dealing with the sewage and her starting cave with the bunnies.

She’s getting along great with delvers. That one tailor with the two swords apparently really likes working with rabbit pelts, so he’s a regular for her, too. Our super serious spy meeting devolves into just chatting and comparing notes, with me giving her some advice and her showing off her accomplishments.

It’s enough to make me want to invent a fridge to stick them on.