Chapter 315: Xu Lang, Xu Lang, You Can’t Keep Getting Sidetracked! New
The newly appointed Minister of Revenue and the newly appointed Minister of War walked out of the palace gates, practically beaming with joy.
They even congratulated each other.
“Congratulations, congratulations!”
“Same to you, same to you!”
Jiang Weizhong had thought it through—at the very least, he could enjoy the experience of being a minister. And when the time came for someone to officially take over the position of Minister of Revenue, his experience would serve as a valuable credential.
The sun peeked out from the horizon, casting its golden glow over the entire capital. The new Minister of War, Jiao Cai, who usually kept a stern face, was smiling for the first time in ages.
He suddenly recalled a mountain from his hometown—Shuixing Mountain, a range of peaks stretching endlessly without a single prominent summit. People called it Wenqu Mountain and believed it was a place of great scholarly fortune, destined to produce a star of wisdom!
And now, looking at himself—was he not that very star?
Today, he was a minister. Tomorrow, he could be the prime minister! Rising step by step!
Jiao Cai climbed into his carriage with a bounce in his step, his heart tingling with excitement like it was being tickled by tiny insects. He couldn’t wait to go home and bask in his triumph.—If they didn’t partake in the official palace meal, officials were free to leave the imperial city for a while, as long as they returned for the afternoon roll call at the yamen.
As the carriage started moving, Jiao Cai leaned against the compartment, closing his eyes to rest.
But the carriage had barely gone a few steps before it suddenly jerked to a stop. The back of his head slammed into the wooden panel—such an ominous sign! His temper flared instantly.
“What the hell is going on?! If you can’t drive properly, then quit! Go back and collect your wages from the accounts office!”
Outside, the coachman stared at a group of ruffians surrounding the carriage, his heart pounding.
“My lord… we’re surrounded…”
Jiao Cai stepped out, his face stern, and barked, “What do you think you’re doing?! How dare you block the carriage of a court official in broad daylight?!”
The ruffians exchanged glances before asking directly, “Are you that Jiao, the censor?”
Jiao Cai corrected them, “I am the Chief Censor—higher rank than a regular censor.”
Then, he corrected himself again, “Actually, I am now the Minister of War.”
The ruffians exchanged glances once more, their eyes glimmering with excitement.
“Then we got the right guy!”
“What do you mean by that… Hey! What are you doing?! You do realize you’re attacking a government official, don’t you?! Stop! Ow! Stop hitting me!”
The gang of thugs clambered onto the carriage. Jiao Cai made a crucial mistake—he instinctively backed away, trying to retreat into the carriage, only to trap himself completely.
The sound of his pained screams echoed through the wooden panels.
Meanwhile, Jiang Weizhong was receiving similar treatment.
The commotion left the other officials near the palace gates utterly stunned. Some even took an unconscious step back.
—No matter how high-ranking they were, they were still mere flesh and blood. Without guards around, their titles meant nothing.
As for the imperial guards at the palace gates, they didn’t budge. Their duty was to protect the gate—unless there was an attack on the imperial city itself, they were not to intervene.
—Even if those two ministers were beaten to death right there, they could not lift a finger.
—That was why history recorded numerous instances of officials brawling at the palace gates, being assassinated, or getting pelted by angry citizens. Such situations were only resolved if a strong official happened to intervene or if the city patrol guards stumbled upon the scene and stepped in. The palace guards, however, never got involved.
The gang of ruffians had no intention of beating the ministers to death. After a while, one of them suddenly shouted, “Run! The authorities are coming!”
And just like that, they scattered.
The two newly appointed ministers were left limping and bruised, dragged off to the Imperial Medical Academy in utter disgrace.
Jiao Cai cursed furiously, “Insolent commoners! I swear, I will… Ow! Be gentle!”
The imperial physician remained silent as he carefully applied ointment to Jiao Cai’s swollen hands, dabbing medicine around his bruised eyes and swollen face. Lastly, he gingerly treated his chin—those thugs hadn’t even spared his beard, yanking out several strands, leaving behind a stinging pain.
Meanwhile, Jiang Weizhong wasn’t as loud. He focused on only one thing: “That person… is he not here?”
He asked in a hushed voice, sneaking glances around.
The physician instantly understood who “that person” was and quickly reassured him, “No, no! I heard he went to the palace kitchen!”
He tried to lower his voice, but he naturally had a booming tone—his words echoed from inside the medical room to the outside hallway.
Everyone in the vicinity immediately knew who they were talking about.
Jiang Weizhong let out a relieved sigh.
Jiao Cai also let out a relieved sigh.
The air was suddenly filled with two puffs of carbon dioxide.
Then, an unexpected voice cut in:
[Huh? Who is it that, even after getting beaten up, still worries about where that person is first?]
Jiang Weizhong froze as if facing an impending disaster.
Jiao Cai nearly lost his mind.
Wait a minute! Wasn’t that person supposed to be eating in the palace kitchen?!
“Aren’t you going to pack up your share? Weren’t you heartbroken over this before?”
“Is watching their drama really that important?!”
[Whatever, it doesn’t matter who Jiang Weizhong’s favorite person is!]
Jiang Weizhong: It’s you 🙂
[Good thing I got the news in time and rushed over! I made it to the scene!]
[Totally worth skipping lunch for!]
[Whoa, look at that wound… The scene must have been intense!]
Xu Yanmiao carefully peeked in through the window, then quickly shrank back and tiptoed away.
[The most important rule of watching people you know get into drama: watch and run. Never let them see you, or you’ll be resented for it!]
In the corner, the crown prince’s eyes lit up.
He nodded vigorously.
Yes, yes, exactly! Xu Lang is truly my kindred spirit!
Inside the room, the atmosphere was tense. The two involved parties awkwardly exchanged glances, then quickly looked away, flustered.
“Xu Lang!” They called out in unison, voices almost trembling. “Let’s make a deal—please don’t dig too deep into this, okay?”
Unfortunately, Xu Lang didn’t have mind-reading abilities.
[So weird. Why would a bunch of thugs beat up a Minister for no reason? Are they tired of their freedom and eager to get free prison meals?]
The old emperor hurried in, overhearing this thought, but didn’t take it seriously.
“Ministers,” the emperor said imposingly, “regardless of their motives, stopping a Minister’s carriage and openly assaulting a court official in broad daylight is absolutely outrageous! I will not let this go unpunished!”
The two ministers froze.
Their hearts pounded faster, and their expressions grew uneasy.
Jiao Cai quickly spoke up, “Your Majesty, these ruffians have never been exposed to Confucian teachings, so they lack manners and respect for hierarchy. But ultimately, that’s because they were never educated. The rites do not extend to commoners—if we retaliate against them for their ignorance, we aren’t solving the root issue. Unless we kill them, this situation will just happen again.”
Jiang Weizhong sat steadily to the side, giving Jiao Cai a silent thumbs-up in his heart.
“Minister Jiao truly is a sharp and talented man. I don’t even know why he was beaten up, but at least we’re both in the same boat.”
The old emperor considered Jiao Cai’s words and responded, “They may be uneducated, but assaulting a court official is a serious crime. That excuse cannot stand. Furthermore, this attack was clearly planned and organized, not just a moment of foolishness. If we do not punish them severely, it will only encourage further lawlessness, throwing the court into chaos.”
The old emperor continued, “One must treat gentlemen with benevolence, but stop villains with law. If we allow commoners to act recklessly and disregard the law, that itself is a failure of benevolence.”
His words hit like a thunderclap on a snowy mountain, leaving the two newly appointed ministers stunned.
His Majesty can actually say something this powerful?!
[Whoa! The old emperor can actually say stuff like this!]
The old emperor: …
Xu Yanmiao, are you looking down on me?!
Let me tell you, I went to private school as a child! Then I joined the rebel army, and even when I was busy, I still asked the educated men in the army to teach me!
Do you think I’m like you, who can’t even recite The Analects properly?
—Although, now I can recite it perfectly.
Jiang Weizhong: …
No, he couldn’t let Xu Yanmiao keep distracting the emperor.
Testing the waters, he continued, “Your Majesty, the law is indeed important, but benevolent governance is even more crucial. The people suffered under the tyranny of the last dynasty’s emperor, enduring years of war and hardship. It has only been thirty years since peace returned. These men may have acted lawlessly, but their behavior is a product of long-term instability. They had to be fierce to survive.”
Jiang Weizhong added, “Therefore, I believe the best approach is to win the people over through virtuous governance. This case should be handled with leniency, while also strengthening moral education, so the commoners can learn to respect the law. That way, we can truly bring peace to the people and ensure the nation’s lasting stability.”
Jiao Cai’s eyes lit up, and he looked at Jiang Weizhong with admiration.
“What a fine Minister! Quick-witted and wise—a man of intelligence! I should associate with him more in the future. Though… I still don’t know why he got beaten up. Could it be my fault?”
The old emperor looked between the two men, crossing his arms. “I recall that neither of you are usually this magnanimous.”
Jiao Cai braced himself. “Your Majesty flatters me. I have always repaid resentment with virtue…”
[Huh? No way. Isn’t he actually pretty petty?] Xu Yanmiao’s voice drifted in, nearly making Jiao Cai grind his teeth to dust.
[Back when he was a private tutor, he misremembered a few words from The Thousand Character Classic. A student recited them at home, and their parents corrected them. But instead of admitting his mistake, he expelled the student, saying, ‘Since your butcher father is so knowledgeable, let him teach you instead.’]
[To be fair, the father was a butcher. But because he had little access to books, he had memorized The Thousand Character Classic inside out, never forgetting a single word.]
Jiao Cai’s face turned red.
That wasn’t his fault! He had learned The Thousand Character Classic as a child, but since it wasn’t tested in the imperial exam, it was perfectly normal to forget a few words!
Besides, the imperial exam didn’t test it anyway—what was the point of correcting it? The real issue was the parent undermining his authority as a teacher! How was he supposed to teach after that?!
Filled with righteous indignation, Jiao Cai felt a bit embarrassed. He turned his head and found that both Jiang Weizhong and His Majesty were looking at him with strange expressions.
Jiao Cai: “Uh… I…”
I can explain!
[Damn it, why did I let myself get distracted again? This is bad!]
Jiao Cai & Jiang Weizhong: “!!!”
No, we think this is great!
[Let’s see why they suddenly got beaten up…]
The two newly appointed ministers: No—
[Oh ho!]
[Turns out both of them had set their sights on a wealthy widow in her thirties and went all out to win her favor.]
[They each knew they had an unknown rival and engaged in a long-distance battle of wits, constantly targeting each other.]
Jiao Cai: “?!”
Jiang Weizhong: “?!”
So the one competing with me for the rich widow, blocking my financial prospects, was you?!
They exchanged a glance, and in an instant, all previous camaraderie and shared suffering vanished into thin air.
[Hahahahahaha!]
[That Jiang guy took the sentimental approach, often helping the widow with chores. And when it got hot, he’d take off his shirt to show off his sturdy physique, proving he was strong and capable.]
[Of course, the wealthy widow didn’t lack people to do chores, but maybe she needed a husband with a robust build!]
Jiao Cai: “Pah!!!”
Shameless scoundrel! Disgraceful!
Jiang Weizhong: “Heh.”
If it weren’t for the risk of catching Xiaobaize’s attention, he would have retorted: What, you don’t take off your clothes because you don’t like to? Or maybe it’s because you’ve got nothing to show?
Jiang Weizhong silently mouthed: White. Cut. Chicken!
Jiao Cai was furious, leaping up to grab Jiang Weizhong’s mouth.
Jiang Weizhong quickly dodged.
Just as their conflict was about to escalate, they heard Xu Yanmao say:
[Oh ho, that Jiao guy took the intellectual approach—he invited the widow on outings, providing in-depth commentary on every scenic spot, occasionally composing poems for her.]
[…Hmm…]
[The story of a charming widow and a poor scholar—seems like a popular trope.]
Jiang Weizhong: “Bullshit!!!”
Those broke scholars are the most fickle! What’s there to romanticize?! Once they get the money, they’ll stop caring about the lady!
Jiao Cai: “Heh.”
As if you weren’t a scholar yourself.
Besides, the lady liked my poetry!
They locked eyes again, the sparks flying between them making the onlookers’ scalps tingle.
Xu Yanmao: [Huh? Now that I think about it, I forgot something…?]
In the corner, the crown prince was about to start scratching the walls in frustration.
The reason!
The reason!!!
Why did the thugs beat up the ministers? You never said!!!
Xu Lang! Xu Lang! How did you manage to go off-topic again?!
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