Eighteen’s Bed

I had no idea how much time had passed.

As I scattered cheap sympathy with my trembling lips, the paramedics arrived with loud footsteps. They quickly shoved both me and Go Yohan into the ambulance and started asking questions.

But Go Yohan could only moan in pain, and I mostly muttered, “I don’t know.” How pathetic. What do I even know about Go Yohan? If anyone is to blame, it should be me. I hated the feeling of my mind going blank, it was maddening.

“Do you know this student’s guardian’s phone number?”

“Ah, no, I mean, his parents know...”

“Please call them and get in touch with a guardian.”

I fumbled in my pocket without having time to answer. But there was no hard object in my pockets. Confusion rushed over me.

“I... I don’t have my phone.”

“Pardon?”

“I left it in the bathroom... I was looking for the hose to spray water on his wound...”

“Did you leave it in the bathroom?”

That’s when the memory became clear. After I rushed into the bathroom, I had left my phone on the sink while I searched for the hose. Then, I sprayed water. When the paramedics arrived, I rushed to follow them without thinking of grabbing it.

“Yohan... your phone...”

In a desperate state, I turned to speak to Go Yohan, but received no answer. His back was exposed, so I couldn’t see his condition. He just lay there, unresponsive, like a corpse.

“Go... Yohan?”

“Please step back!”

I was pushed aside, and a paramedic examined something. Forcing Go Yohan’s head up, I looked at his eyes. After that, I didn’t really remember much. The paramedic had no reason to explain the situation to me.

All I knew was that Go Yohan had lost consciousness. I heard the word “shock” being mentioned.

"Please answer if the guardian calls later."

Looking at Go Yohan’s phone that the paramedic had taken out, I felt my powerlessness. It seemed like they knew I had nothing to offer, so they stopped asking me anything.

Sitting in the corner of the ambulance, I stared at the motionless Go Yohan and realized the feeling of my heart being squeezed. Endless despair and helplessness. A weight heavier than any kind of bullying was pressing down on me.

‘This is why people should live kindly.’

Go Yohan’s voice echoed in my head. The useless phone in my hand trembled. Live kindly. Live kindly. That bastard who even believes in God. Without realizing it, I clenched my teeth in frustration.

Go Yohan’s arm fell limply. At the sound of his hand slapping the ground, I jerked my head up. Suddenly, Go Yohan’s wrist was bare—his rosary was gone.

Because of me, he threw away his rosary. At that moment, my whole body started to tremble.

“...Go Yohan was really lucky.”

What am I saying? My body shook so violently that I was in physical pain. All my muscles tightened. Muscle pain that squeezed me. My mind searched for something to hold on to. It was the phone in my hand. I clung to it just because it was in my hand.

“I believed Go Yohan was a saint, terribly.”@@novelbin@@

There were three people in the space, but no one was listening to me. Yet my mouth, as if trying to regain some sanity, kept muttering.

I grabbed the phone so tightly it felt like it would break. I knew it. I was just looking for something to blame.

‘Why me? Why not Go Yohan?’

I didn’t want to acknowledge the words I had thought in that moment. No, if I had been the one to take the full brunt of the liquid, maybe that resentment would have been valid. But it wasn’t me. Go Yohan took it for me. He took the hit in place of my selfish thoughts. I didn’t get hurt. The cost of that came as punishment.