Eighteen’s Bed

While Yohan left like that, I sat there dumbfounded, drowning in confusion. After he was gone, I fell into an endless pit of questions. Next door? Yohan lives next door? Had he known about the mess between me, Han Junwoo, and Han Taesan? Could it be—was he the one who shut the window that night?

Thinking about it now, Yohan always made excuses to take a different route home and never once crossed paths with me on the way to school. That means us never running into each other outside was completely intentional. For two years, Yohan had lied just for fun.

Fun? What kind of fun? What the hell was fun about this?

My head swirled with confusion. Like a guilty thief, I started attaching meaning to every little thing Yohan had ever said to me. But unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with anything reasonable. Yohan was the kind of person who acted without assigning much meaning to anything. I was drowning in even deeper anxiety.

And so, an entire week passed.

“Why do we have to wake up early even during vacation?”

Yohan groaned, flipping through a comic book titled 500 Years of the Joseon Dynasty, in Manga Form. Apparently, he was studying Korean history this time. Great excuse.

After dropping that massive bomb on me, Yohan acted like nothing had happened. Since I wasn’t in a position to confront him or get angry, I had no choice but to suppress my curiosity.

“If you wanted to sleep in, you should’ve skipped the extra classes.”

“What are you talking about? Attending extra classes is a student’s duty.”

“I guess your friends aren’t students, then.”

Yohan scrunched up his face and shook his head.

“How many times do I have to say this? Those failures aren’t my friends.”

Does he actually mean that? Saying this in front of the whole class, trashing the people he hung out with for a whole year—was that his real opinion?

If it was a joke, it would just be one of Yohan’s usual nasty pranks. But if he was serious, then it was incredible. Truly indifferent. It was as if he had never once stepped down from the top of the pyramid.

“So after graduation, you’re cutting ties with all of them?”

“Graduation?”

Yohan glanced at his phone on the desk and scoffed.

“Have you ever seen me talk to the guys I hung out with in freshman year?”

“How would I know who you hung out with back then?”

I felt a pang of guilt—but it was true. Back in freshman year, Yohan was completely outside my realm of interest. I knew almost nothing about him from that time. I had only heard vague rumors.

“Wow, seriously…”

The grin that had been on Yohan’s face just moments ago vanished.

“You’re really something else.”@@novelbin@@

Was that serious, or was he joking? Did he actually think I was being an asshole? It just occurred to me—Yohan would make a phenomenal actor. It might even be his true calling. His eyes glimmered with what looked like disappointment and resentment.

“We weren’t close back then.”

I hurriedly defended myself. Yohan tilted his head and stared at me. The unmoving intensity of his gaze made my guilt bubble up even more.

“……”

“……”

Was that actual disappointment? Or was that gaze pure disdain? Maybe contempt? I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer and let my eyes drop. Yohan’s wrist dangled over the chair, and the rosary bracelet attached to it swayed gently. Yohan is a devout Catholic. And he hates gays.

Which means he might not have been the one who witnessed that night. Someone with his standards wouldn’t tolerate an unqualified friend. Then was it his sibling or a parent? God, I hoped it was a sibling. I’d rather die than imagine Yohan’s father witnessing that. But even then, Yohan was still worse.

Or maybe he was already planning to cut me off someday. If we ended up in separate classes in our third year, he might sever ties with me immediately. If we passed each other in the hallway, he’d ignore me. And if I actually went to his class to talk to him, he’d acknowledge my existence just enough to seem polite but would otherwise act as if I were invisible.

My palms started sweating. The thought of that dark, uncertain future made me sick.

What if Yohan spreads rumors? I don’t even have anyone left who can shield me anymore. If rumors start, would I have to transfer schools? But as a third-year student?

I’m terrified.

I couldn’t even lift my head to look at Yohan. If Han Junwoo’s words about me were just the barking of a fallen dog, then Yohan’s words would be the sharp insights of someone with real power. Even without proof, if I became the topic, people would spread it around for entertainment.

Especially if both Han Junwoo and Yohan said the same thing—that I was gay. Then I’d be completely screwed. I’d be nothing but garbage, a laughingstock. I absolutely cannot let that happen.

“…Sorry. Did I offend you?”

I had to survive. So I swallowed my pride and offered a pathetic apology.

“Is ‘sorry’ all you’ve got?”

His voice was unreadable, so I had no idea what he meant by that. I still couldn’t lift my head. I just stared at the floor. Yohan’s legs stretched wide enough that they nearly reached my seat. I couldn’t even look at his hands anymore. Not when the rosary bracelet might peek out from beneath his sleeve.

I was sinking deeper into invisible terror.

“…Do you want something?”

“I have plenty of money. My family's richer than yours.”

“……”

Of course. Yohan must have grown up getting everything he ever wanted.

“You know, I don’t want anything material.”

“……Then what?”

What does he mean? Does he want me to become a joke like Han Junwoo? Or end up like his so-called “friends,” completely erased? My eyes lowered further, stopping at his feet. Yohan has long legs. At some point, those long legs had slipped under my chair.

Then suddenly—

A cold finger touched my chin.

The chilling hand lifted my face up.

Yohan forced my gaze to meet his.

“Look at me.”

“…What?”

“You keep getting lost in your thoughts so obviously that I don’t even know who I’m talking to anymore.”

Yohan’s eyes curved into a smile. The small pupils between them weren’t quite as warm, though. A sharp jolt pulsed through my lower stomach at that expression. Damn it. As I blankly stared at his face, the bell rang, signaling the start of class.

I had to find an excuse to leave in the middle of the lesson. Fuck.

“You crazy bastard… goddamn pathetic idiot…”

I muttered to myself, repeatedly hitting my forehead with my fist. Even as I hid in the bathroom corner, waiting for the heat in my body to cool down, even when I returned to class and sat through the lesson, I couldn’t stop thinking about Yohan.

I couldn’t escape. Because Yohan sat right next to me.

All he had to do after class was tilt his head slightly, and he’d be looking right at me. When the lesson ended, Yohan stretched his arms above his head and then lifted his gaze—only to stare at me.

Just stared.

“…What?”

I asked since he wasn’t saying anything. Yohan had a habit of making things uncomfortable like this.

“What.”

“You’re making me uncomfortable. Stop looking at me.”

“Yes, understood.”

He dramatically dropped his head forward, as if bowing. It was completely playful. He’s still joking around with me like this. Does he actually think of me as a friend?

Yohan really is different from Han Junwoo. Junwoo was too simple, but Yohan—Yohan is too complicated. Since thinking about it won’t give me any answers anyway, it’s just a waste of time.

I straightened up and watched Yohan stretch before asking him bluntly—but still within a normal range of curiosity.

“If we end up in different classes…”

Yohan puffed his cheeks and widened his eyes, raising his eyebrows as if urging me to continue.

“Would you stop talking to me too?”

“Pfft.”

Are you going to abandon me? The sound that left Yohan’s mouth was like air rushing out of a pricked balloon. He laughed like he found the question absurd.

“You think about the weirdest things.”

“What?”

“I mean, it’s a useless worry.”

He pursed his lips.

“And if anyone stops talking first, it’d be you, not me.”

…What? That’s ridiculous. I was about to argue but then hesitated—because of my pride.

Yeah. Yohan is right.

As much as I pretend otherwise, Yohan is smart.

That’s exactly why I’m testing him right now, isn’t it? If Yohan already knew what I was hiding and saw me as expendable, I was the one waiting for an opening to run away first.

If Yohan didn’t know, and we actually ended up in the same class again, we’d just stay friends on the surface while I rotted away inside, barely keeping myself together until graduation.

And when we graduated, I’d use college as an excuse to cut him off myself.

Because I wouldn’t be able to stand staying next to someone who constantly reminded me of what I really was.

But if we ended up in different classes? I’d probably cry at night, torn apart over being ignored, and cut off contact first because I couldn’t stand it.

“…You’re right about that.”

I agreed because it was true. But Yohan’s face twisted.

“…Fuck.”

Startled, I reached out and grabbed his arm. He shoved my hand away roughly. He was pissed.

His sharp, narrow eyes glared at me before he slumped onto his desk with a thud. His arms folded beneath his head as he muttered.

“…What’s wrong?”

“Don’t talk to me.”

With his arms buried under his head, his arched back was clearly visible. Yohan.

I was about to speak, but before I could, the bell rang again, marking the start of the next class.

“Hey, wake Yohan up.”

The Korean teacher entered and casually scanned the room before calling me out. Finally, I had an excuse to touch him.

I placed my hand on his broad back and gently shook him. When my fingers brushed the area near his shoulder blade, I felt it.

A faint flinch.

So he’s awake.

I leaned in slightly and whispered.

“Yohan. The teacher wants you up.”

No reaction.

Korean was one of Yohan’s weakest subjects, and the teacher hated when students slept through his lessons. If Yohan pissed him off now, it’d only cause problems later.

I shook him harder and leaned even closer.

“Yohan. Are you sleeping?”

At that moment—

His entire body jolted.

Like a spring, he shot upright so fast that my hand bounced off him, leaving me hanging awkwardly.

Yohan pressed both hands against his ears.

He rubbed them vigorously with his palms before slowly lowering his hands. Then, after a single awkward cough, he muttered.

“…No, I’m not sleeping.”

His ears were bright red.

Had I whispered too close? Was his reaction just him being overly sensitive? Feeling awkward, I rubbed my fingers together absentmindedly.

The class was especially sleep-inducing. The heater blasted hot air into the room, making the already stuffy atmosphere even worse. I stifled a yawn behind my hand.

Yawning is contagious.

I heard Yohan yawn beside me.

I reached into my bag to grab a piece of candy to wake myself up, and when I heard him yawn again, I grabbed another one.

Without turning my body, I stretched out my arm and placed the candy on his book. Deliberately.

Through my peripheral vision, I caught movement. Yohan picked up the candy and unwrapped it. Soon, I heard the crunching sound of him biting into it.

I put my own candy on my tongue. A citrusy tang spread through my mouth.

“What the hell? It’s lime.”

Hearing that, the corners of my lips lifted slightly. He accepted it.

That realization felt so good that I gave him a slight nod. I hadn’t even noticed it was lime myself.

Yohan leaned in slightly.

“…Thanks for the candy.”

Then, as if it never happened, he sat up straight, his eyes glued to the board like a model student.

I had to give him credit—he really was trying.

But the moment class ended, he was out cold again.

No surprise.

Korean class was nothing but the same goddamn pattern of questions. Even I was bored, so for someone who struggled with it, it must’ve been a nightmare.

The heater was still blasting, but sitting by the window meant a bit of cold air seeped in.

Yohan, asleep in just his uniform, looked strangely cold.

Maybe it was just because his face always looked cold.

But it’s better to be too warm than too cold.

Just in case, I pulled my padded jacket over his back.

That’s when I saw his phone.

Yohan, fast asleep. And his phone, right there.

There are times in life when you feel a sudden, inexplicable urge.

Some call it instinct. Others call it a subconscious warning—an unspoken answer drawn from countless experiences, guiding you without logic.

Maybe this was one of those moments.

I swallowed.

My hesitant fingers moved slowly.

I tried not to make a sound. Even held my breath.

I glanced around.

Most of the class had fallen victim to the drowsiness that Korean class always brought.

It was silent. No one was watching me.

I looked at Yohan’s hand.

His fingers were stretched out unguarded over the desk.

I reached forward—gently pressing his thumb to the screen.

The screen shook.

Incorrect fingerprint.

Shit.

I pulled back immediately.

“…Mmm.”

Yohan stirred.

I froze, stiff as a board, waiting for him to settle back into sleep.

After a few deep sighs, his body relaxed again.

I let out a tiny exhale.

His position had shifted slightly—I had to adjust.

This time, I pressed his index finger.

Please. Please work.

My entire focus locked onto that fingertip.

Don’t move. Don’t wake up.

Then—

The gray screen faded.

And then, it unlocked.

I clenched my fist slightly, stepping back from Yohan as soon as the screen unlocked. What should I check first? My mind raced, calculating my next move.

I glanced at the clock.

…Shit.

Only four minutes left before the bell rang.

I needed to be quick. I needed to make this count.

Without hesitation, I navigated to the settings. If I wanted to check his phone later, I had to act now.

My fingers moved rapidly, opening the fingerprint settings.

Three minutes left.

My pulse pounded in my ears as I placed my own finger against the scanner. Faster, faster.

Then, finally—

A new fingerprint was registered.

I immediately erased the access history, removed any trace of what I had done, and locked the screen.

Silently, I placed the phone back exactly where it had been.

No one saw me.

Yohan was still asleep.

I didn’t know if I would actually find anything when I checked his phone later. But at least now—if I ever needed to, I could.

And that was enough for now.