Heretical Fishing

Book 4: Chapter 24: Crab Jesus

As my battle with the thresher shark had dragged on, the sun had slowly disappeared over the western mountains. Instead of the purple hues that’d been blessing the afternoon sky of late, all I could see was a sea of clouds, the electricity from before no longer running through them.

Said electricity was being put to good use—or bad, depending on your perspective. Claws had wreathed herself in lightning, using every last watt to propel her toward the shark, which she intended on having as an early evening snack. Thankfully, there was a final line of defense.

Even to me, my limb was a blur. The power surrounding Claws was enough to rebuff a boulder in flight, but my foot carved through it. At the very last moment, right before my leg hit, her emotive eyes flicked up to mine.

I expected to find accusations within them, but I received nothing of the sort. Despite being transformed into something I couldn’t hope to comprehend, I could still read the lines of her face. Hundreds of micro expressions broadcast regret, self-recrimination, and… sorrow?

She puffed out her cheeks, giving her an adolescent look that tugged at my heartstrings. Instead of defending herself, Claws’s last move was to nod in understanding, her puffy little cheeks jiggling slightly. She knew that she’d left me no choice.

It made a tidal wave of guilt well up from within me. Had I gone too far? I’d expected her to defend herself, and though my kick had no hope of causing serious damage, I fretted over the pain I might deliver. The wave of guilt slammed down atop me as my foot closed the distance, my heart sinking deep—

Just kidding, Claws chirped, shooting me a wink.

She pressed both forepaws into her cheeks. I’d seen her do it countless times, using the pressure to squirt people with water from afar. This time, it wasn’t liquid that came streaming out.

A bar of solid lightning rocketed toward me, so compressed that it remained cylindrical. A deadly spearpoint formed at its tip, and when it was halfway to me, Claws ceased her compression. One line became hundreds, and hundreds became thousands, each possessing the power of a thunderbolt. Like Zeus himself had cocked a shotgun and pulled the trigger, the shattershot approached.

“You can’t eat it, you little rat!” I bellowed, grasping for my chi.

As before, it didn’t answer. I was too fatigued. Reaching deep within myself, unable to accept that I couldn’t protect my catch, I caught hold of a tiny sliver of essence. Immediately creating a coin-sized barrier of chi, I leaped off it, flipping backwards.

Lashing out once more with my right leg, I kicked through the thousands of thunderbolts. Against my body and its latent power, they parted like waves before the stern of an aircraft carrier, leaving nothing between my foot and Claws’s astonished little face.

Crack!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—

Though she shot over the horizon almost immediately, the tail-end of her scream still reached my ears seconds later. It eventually faded, leaving a silence that settled over my surroundings like a woolspun blanket. The clouds dispersed as unnaturally fast as they’d appeared, and only when they were gone did the world seem to breathe once more.

The combination of both physical and mental exertion left me running on empty, and I resigned myself to falling into the ocean and working out the rest from there. But I needn’t have worried. A black and red crab zipped by me, still trailing blue lines of Snip’s power. Ten meters away, Rocky’s clackers slammed shut. Twin booms erupted from him, and as he returned to the shore, he grabbed me on the way past—rather gracefully—with one of his powerful pincers.

Teddy caught us in a delightfully warm bear hug, and we all skidded backward along the sand. I wanted to enjoy the embrace as long as possible, but I had to sort something out first. “Sorry, Teddy. I—”

Teddy launched me with an overarm throw. I blinked, my brain struggling to catch up as I was sent barreling back toward the ocean. Another pair of arms awaited me. I collided with Barry’s barrel of a chest, and we slid into the shallows. He set me down right next to the thresher shark, holding me by the shoulders for support.

I was filled with gratitude that my friends understood me so well—and a little annoyed that they'd ragdolled me around the beach instead of just taking me directly to the shark, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

The thresher shark, though capable of wiping out an entire village of regular humans, was still a fish. It was worthy of compassion. I reached over it, gripped the hook, and freed it from my line.

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It kicked feebly, and my eyes were drawn into it.

Mature Lightning-Infused Thresher Shark

Fleeting

Heavily targeted for the virility-boosting properties of its flesh, this shark was once thought extinct in the Kallis realm. It has been temporarily infused with lightning to celebrate the ascension of an Elemental. Infused creatures have their chi content significantly increased for three hours.

Having seen all I needed to, I spun the shark and grabbed its tail, moving it back and forth in the water to let oxygen flood its body.

Given how intelligent a creature it was, the thresher could have committed the fishy equivalent of a dick move at any point, using its whiplike tail to smack the shit out of me. If it was feeling particularly ornery, it could have tried to get me with its chompers. It did neither.

But I didn't want to push it. When its strength started to return, I bent and pushed, sending it gliding away beneath the waves.

“Wow...” came a soft voice.

I glanced back at Paul, delighting in the smile on his face. “Amazing, isn’t it?”

Barry, who was still beside me to make sure I didn't fall over and drown, slung his arm around my shoulders. It would have looked like a friendly gesture to anyone else—and it was—but his arm also steadied me, helping me fight off the exhaustion weaving its way deeper by the second.

“Is it really okay to let it go?” Barry asked.

“It is, mate. It didn’t try to attack me on the way out, because it understands the difference in our power. Its intelligence is temporary, sure, but so is its ability to shoot freakin’ lightning bolts from its freakin’ head.”

He furrowed his brow, missing my reference but considering my words all the same.

“I can see you’re still unconvinced. Why?”

“Well… It’s just—”

“Don’t placate me, you goose. Out with it.”

His answering stare filled my heart with glee. “I was trying to show a bit of respect in front of my son.”

“Unnecessary,” I said.

“Unnecessary,” Paul agreed, giving us both a grin.

Barry sighed. “I forget who I’m talking to sometimes. I was going to suggest that the shark might have misled you, and that it could just go elsewhere to terrorize people. Or creatures. Or the world in general. It’s filled with Corporal Claws’s chi.”

I waved a hand back toward the shore with what I’d describe as pretentious pomp. “Witness my brilliance, Barry. Gaze upon my crustaceans.”

There, ahead of everyone else, were two very crabby individuals. Poised at attention, they were waiting for the order. Only a hint of a smile graced the corner of my mouth as I raised my still-pretentious hand high. I clicked my fingers a single time, the sharp snap so loud that it sounded like someone had slapped two blue whales together.

I didn’t have long to reconsider my terrible analogy because Sergeant Snips and Rocky reacted immediately. Rocky stepped forward. Snips stepped back. And in a move more graceful than such an act should be, Rocky was yeeted out over the ocean, crashing through waves that made his joyous screams fade sporadically.

EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee-

Slap.

EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee-

Slap.

EEeeeeee-@@novelbin@@

I’d seen such an angle before, and I half suspected him to skip out over the horizon, like a stone but with violent tendencies and too many limbs. Instead, when he was above the shark’s position, his powerful clackers dun clacked. Dual explosions sent him rocketing down into the water, hopefully toward the creature and not through it like the old Rocky would have done.

Snips followed his passage, blue chi oozing from the gaps in her shell and going... down her limbs?

Snips, my magnificent anime-protagonist of a crustacean, had found a new use for her essence. After flowing down her legs, it solidified against the water’s surface, letting her run across it like crab Jesus. I desperately wanted to inspect it more, but I lacked the metaphorical juice to do so. I settled on watching instead, letting the hint of a smile from earlier blossom as she unleashed a massive burst of chi that sent her right in after Rocky.

Of their own accord, Pelly and Bill both took off, sailing out over the ocean to keep track of the shark’s passage.

As the water settled, I gave Barry and Paul a nod. “See? Nothing to worry about.”

Paul’s eyes told me that he saw a great deal of things to worry about. He leaned back, trying to comprehend the chaos that had just unfolded before him. Barry sighed again, this time in resignation, as he led me back to shore. “I should have seen that coming.”

“Man,” I said, rubbing my sore shoulders. “I’m absolutely spent.”

“Do you want to return home?”

As I considered my answer, I looked up at my friends. I didn’t dare sense their emotions with how exhausted I felt, but there was no need. I could see the excitement on all of their faces. How could I go nap off my exhaustion when I had the perfect audience?

“Nah, I just need a bit of a breather, Barry.” I waved a flippant hand toward the pile of supplies. “I don’t need much chi to build the basic structure.”

It had the desired effect. Excited whispers sprang up, everyone feverishly speculating what was so important that I’d led an expedition to Gormona just for its materials. Judging by how intense some of them were, it’d been a hot topic of discussion.

With all of their attention on me, I smirked at Paul. “Reckon you could help me with something, mate?”

He nodded with his usual sincerity. “What do you need?”

“Just some info. I’ve gone and got all the supplies, but I have no bloody clue how to put it all together.” I cast a furtive glance toward the crowd and hid my mouth behind a hand.

With a stage-whisper loud enough for someone to hear from the low walls of Tropica, I asked, “Do you know how to build a boat?”