Heretical Fishing

Book 4: Chapter 39: Very Pinchy

As I walked the streets of Tropica, it was an undeniable fact that winter had ended. The morning air still held a hint of lingering freshness, but it was far from the icy chill of only weeks ago. A wind blew from my right, bringing with it a similarly warm touch that I barely felt. The floral smell of Maria’s hair hit my awareness like a shot of pure adrenaline, calling to mind countless memories, some of which I had no business recalling in the light of day.

“Glad to see you’re having fun,” she jibed, smirking beneath red-rimmed eyes.

“My bad. My traitorous brain imagines things all on its own.”

“Traitorous, huh? Does that mean you didn’t enjoy said imaginings?”

“Hey now, let’s not jump to conclusions…”

“Good.” She leaned against my shoulder. “Just be careful where you’re thinking them. I’d hate to see what my lord father would do if he knew such pre-marital happenings were afoot…”

Someone referring to Roger as a lord was always enough to make me snort, and Maria joined in, her soft giggle replacing the moroseness of only moments ago.

We’d been walking the streets for ten minutes, moving while Maria processed her emotions. Her sadness was an unfortunate side-effect of reliving the king’s downfall.

“I’m so sorry,” she said for what must be the tenth time today. “If I’d had any idea...”

She attempted to shoot me a venomous look, but it lacked bite. “Fine. I’ll never apologise to you again.”

“Thank you. That’s much better. Consider never apologising to anyone, though. Like ever. You’re betrothed to God-King Fischer, after all.”

We both grinned at this, and she grabbed my arm, halting my steps. Spinning me with more power than someone of her stature should posses, she slammed into my chest and squeezed me with all her might. “Okay, I promise this is the last one. I’m sorry for the words I spoke. I know that you took them in stride, but they were still too harsh.”

“If it’s the last time, then I accept your apology. I’m also sorry—both for how unpleasant the memory was, and that I didn’t share it earlier.”

She gave me one final squeeze, then her arms withdrew. As she looked up at me, her eyes glimmered. “Now who’s making unnecessary apologies…?”

“Touché…”

Without another word, we started walking again, our direction aimless. Her tiny hand in mine was more calming than it should have been. I marvelled at the softness, warmth, and strength of her as our fingers became intertwined. We passed tens of villagers in our wandering passage, and as various gazes landed on us, I could feel something... different.

Without another word, we started walking again, our direction aimless. Her tiny hand in mine was more calming than it should have been. I marvelled at the softness, warmth, and strength of her as our fingers became intertwined. We passed tens of villagers on our way to the eastern wall, and as different gazes landed on us, I could feel something... different.

Without another word, we started walking again, heading off toward the eastern edge of the village. Her tiny hand in mine—our fingers interlaced, her skin softer than silk—was more calming than it should have been. We passed tens of villagers on our way to the eastern wall, and as different gazes landed on us, I could feel something... different.

Without a word, we started walking again, heading off toward the eastern edge of the village. Her tiny hand in mine—our fingers interlaced, her skin softer than silk—was more calming than it should have been. We passed tens of villagers on our way to the eastern wall, and as different gazes landed on us, I could feel something... different.

“Odd...” Maria whispered so only I could hear. “They’re...”

“Less reverent,” I finished, scarcely able to believe it. “And by a lot.”

I had long ago resigned myself to the fact that the more others were exposed to my shenanigans, the more they might come to revere me. After last night, I’d expected their praise today to be egregious. That was why we’d put on the show with Sue, using a healthy dose of absurdism to lower their guard.

Perhaps it hadn’t been necessary. The people we passed now, all of which were present at the feast, seemed rather reserved. Don’t get me wrong; there was still too much wonder for my liking. Any level of it was. But this was… unexpected.

My steps were lighter as we rounded a corner, and I dared to let my awareness extend outwards, sensing what people felt when I wandered into view. Unsurprisingly, shock came first. Right behind it was a storm consisting of gratitude, thankfulness, and a little awe. Okay, it was a frack-load of awe, but the source of it brought me joy instead of the usual dread.

I grinned at the main offender. “Gary! How are ya, mate?”

He grinned back, letting go of his church’s door handle and waving at me with his right hand. The other was occupied by a basket. “Fischer! What are you doing here?” Hope beamed from him. “Did you come to check up on our progress?”

“I’ll be honest, mate. Maria and I were kinda just wandering about.”

He did well to not let his disappointment show.

“But,” I continued, “now that we’re here…”

Someone threw the door open from inside. A leviathan head peeked through the portal, and Pistachio extended a massive snipper outside. Never one to turn down our favorite lobster, Maria and I marched forward, both bending to fistbump his limb. He knocked the door aside, inviting us to enter with a soft hiss.

However, he was too slow. The entrance of the building next-door flew open, banging loudly as a man skidded out onto the street.

“Fischer!” Even if I couldn’t feel how glad Joel was to see me, I could see it all over his face. “What are you doing here? Have you come to meditate with us? It’s been so long that I can’t remember the last time! Is Snips with you? No, of course not—she’s still busy seeking enlightenment! So how have you been? Good, I hope!”

“My man!” I held up my hands at his barrage of questions. “I’m happy to see you too, but I might not have time to meditate this morning.”

I looked at Maria, non-verbally asking what she wanted to do. This was our last day together for a while, so I wanted to spend as long with her as possible.

She tossed her head side to side, her hair swaying hypnotically as she considered. “If it doesn’t take too long….”

“Of course!” came a feminine voice from inside. Jess skidded out with just as much energy as Joel. “Leave after five minutes if you like! You’ve never joined us, right Maria?”

“I haven’t, no.” Amusement bubbled up from Maria’s core, but she made sure to keep it between us. “But I’d love to.”

“Wonderful!” Joel and Jess both said in tandem.

Darting a look at each other, they formed their human hands into an approximation of crab claws, then clapped by shutting them repeatedly. If I didn’t know them, this scene might have earned them a direct trip to Tropica’s not-a-prison until I could confirm they weren’t about to put on crab suits and start harassing people.

“Does in like... five minutes work?” I asked. “We’re gonna see what Pistachio and Gary have been up to lately, but we’ll come right after.”

“Of course! Let yourselves in!” Joel turned to Jess, nodded, and they both popped a squat, emulating the form they idolized. Shuffling sideways with surprising alacrity—they’d clearly been practicing—they crab walked back inside. Joel clacked his hand one last time before closing the door behind them.

Gary, whose forehead had formed a deepening crease with each moment, opened his mouth to respond. No response came out for a good while. Finally, he decided that the most diplomatic approach was to say nothing at all. “Let’s go look at the lobsters, shall we?”

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I barked a laugh. “Lead the way!”

As we walked into the building, something demanded my attention. The chi within wasn’t right, but neither was it wrong. Almost like it possessed an aspect, the air was thick with the promise of change. Maria squeezed my hand; she felt it too.

Deciding it was a problem for later, I focused on our physical surroundings.

The building had come a long way since that time I kicked Borks through it. Remembering how much damage I’d done to him, I felt a little bad. But then I remembered that, at the time, he was a hellhound sent to literally murder me dead—which did wonders for my guilt.

In the center of the restored room, perched atop a wooden frame, sat a massive, System-made glass tank. The aquarium held only a foot of water; its inhabitants didn’t need much depth. I spotted a few of them, their little antennae waving out of the myriad rocks, patches of seaweed, and hollow tunnels that Gary and Pistachio had placed for them.

“How old are they...?” I asked, bending down to peer through the thick glass.

“Weeks. Maybe a month? Time is confusing with all the…” Gary gestured vaguely, then sighed. “Everything.”

“Say less, mate. I feel that on an emotional level.”

“Wow,” Maria said, staring at a little lobster butt that poked out the back of a hollow pipe. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but they’re like mini versions of you, Pistachio.”

Yes, he agreed with a sturdy hiss, clearly proud of their health and growth.

“Do you want to feed them?” Gary asked Maria, setting his basket of goods down. “I just collected some more supplies.”

“Ohhh, I’d love to! What do they eat?”

I leaned over, checking what he’d brought. It was a plethora of passiona berries, his entire bag filled to the brim. Being careful with how much awareness I extended, not wanting to absorb any of the anomalous chi filling the building, I assessed the fruit. “Damn—some of them are absolutely loaded with chi.”

“They are, but...” Gary shook his head. “The cost was great.”

“Wait, what?” Maria cocked her head. “Why would Lemon charge you for something that could make Tropica stronger?”

“She wasn’t alone when the bargain was struck. There was a devil in her boughs.”

“Ahhh,” Maria and I both said, realizing who it was. “Corporal Claws.”

He nodded, giving a rueful smile. “I suppose I should be thankful that we reached a deal before she turned into literal lightning.”

Maria laughed. “I’d say you got off lightly, then. Especially if your baby lobsters like them.”

“Adolescents are called crickets, actually. But yes, they love them. Initially, I added them to their diet because I thought they’d get sick of fish, but passiona berries—specifically the ones filled with chi—became fast favorites.”

“Speaking of fish,” I said, “why didn’t you take them any of the food from last night?”

Pistachio cringed back, making a cross with his giant claws.

Gary’s face had drained of color. “I know it probably wouldn’t have turned them into little versions of Claws and that demon rat she bonded, but we weren’t taking that chance.”

“He’s a raccoon,” I laughed. “But point taken.”

There was a sound at the door, and glancing its way, wondered who else had come to visit the Church of the Leviathan. Odd scraping noises sounded from outside. The new arrival fumbled with the handle for longer than I thought reasonable, but when it finally flew open, I understood both that and the source of the scrapes.

Technical Officer Theodore Roosevelt held a passiona-filled basket in his mouth. He froze when he saw us, dipping his gigantic noggin in a show of respect.

“Teddy!” I beamed. “What are you doing here, mate?”

Pride radiated from Gary’s core, making curiosity rise in my own. Before I could explore its cause, he spoke. “Teddy has joined the Church of the Leviathan.”

The bear let out a guttural growl in response that was so bassy it shook the walls. Realizing what he’d just done, Teddy’s eyes went wide, then he bowed in apology, his nose literally touching the floor.

“As a temporary member,” Gary clarified. “I didn’t mean anything by it. We’re happy to have you here—no matter how momentary.”

Pistachio raised a massive clacker in agreement.

Something about the odd chi in the church had stopped me from feeling Teddy’s approach. Now that he was within, however, I sensed why he’d chosen to assist in raising the lobst—errr, crickets, I mean.

Technically, the crustaceans weren’t yet sapient… but they couldbecome so. They were at least a month old, and they were still smaller than one of my fingers. They were fragile. Weak. Vulnerable. And Teddy meant to ensure they survived.

He’d trudged over with his head still lowered, and I patted his massive brow. “I’m proud of you, mate. Truly.”@@novelbin@@

He had to fight to stop from bowing again, a tinge of shyness coming from his core, but his gratification was even stronger. It shone from within, so bright that it seemed to impact everyone.

Gary cleared his throat. “Well, there you have it. There are three of us working on keeping them fed. And speaking of…”

He offered a massive pair of tweezers to Maira. They looked more like tongs as far as I was concerned, and Maria apparently agreed—the first thing she did was give them a testing clack.

Peter held out his basket. “Grab a handful whenever you’re ready.”

“Will they only eat that much?” she asked, looking down at her fruit-laden palm.

“They’ll likely consume twice that again, but we’re careful to not overfeed them.”

Nodding, she approached the tank. The moment Maria lowered the first berry into the water, a few nearby lob—crickets, damnit—took notice. Their adorable little antennae wiggled as they tried to locate the food.

“Oh!” She giggled. “They must be hungry!”

She spread the feast out as evenly as possible, ensuring there was a berry close to each of the miniature caverns they’d emerge from—and emerge they did. I couldn’t believe how many of them there were. As tiny little snippers pulled food apart, releasing their juices into the water, even more of the creatures appeared. There had to be almost a hundred of them. The floor of the tank was absolutely covered in a reddish hue that constantly shifted as they fought—rather politely, mind you—for mouthfuls of the sweet treats.

“Where did you get so many…?” I asked. “The Gormona branch of your church?”

Gary snorted. “I wouldn’t call them part of the Church—they’re still stuck in a cult mentality. I told them of Pistachio’s existence, and their response was, as far as I can tell, to flee the capital.”

“Wait, what? When did this happen?”

“In the time between your secret mission to collect coffee, and your secret mission to get supplies for a ship.”

I leaned in close, giving the room a conspiratorial look before my gaze landed on him. “... Who told you about those?”

Knowing both were common knowledge by now, we snickered. Maria rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told me her true feelings.

“I sent a letter with Pelly,” Gary said. “I thought seeing an awakened bird would lend credence to my claim, but she told me they looked terrified. When she went back the next day, they were long gone—as were the lobsters and crickets.”

“Soooo,” Maria said. “Where did the others come from, then?”

“Snips’s squad of rock crabs. Pistachio went out to find them, then requested they collect any they came across. Within a week, we had hundreds, most of which we returned.”

“Ohhh, how was the squad? I haven’t seen those crabby little scoundrels in forever.”

“The same as ever,” he replied. “All business, and very pinchy.”

While we spoke, the berries had been absolutely annihilated, so Gary produced more. Maria was all too happy to drop them in, and just as she was placing the last of the fruit, she tilted her head. “Oh no... is that one sick?”

Gary was at her side in a moment, crouching to look through the side of the tank. Wedged in the corner and surrounded by thick vegetation, a single creature sat. Its antennae moved about chaotically, clearly smelling the food, yet it didn’t take a step. Pistachio hauled himself upward, using his forelimbs as pillars to support his massive body. His antennae waved in thought, then he hissed. The meaning was clear.

Scared. Hungry.

“The lobster?” I asked.

He nodded and hissed again. Small.

“Small and hungry I get,” Maria said, “but why is it scared?”

I winced, suspecting I knew the reason. “Lobsters are opportunistic feeders. Given the chance, they’re not above eating another of their kind.”

“That’s... I mean…” Her lips formed a line. “That makes sense, but I still hate it.”

Gary stepped forward with a small net. “I’m just glad we saw it in time.”

He scooped up the lobster—who was none too happy about being disturbed—then rested the handle atop the aquarium, creating a temporary water prison. With great care, he moved rocks and tunnels to make an isolated area, its sheer walls too steep for any enterprising crickets to scale.

The undersized crustacean exited the net with much less of a fuss, happy to be returned to the sandy bottom of the tank. It was even happier when Gary dropped a passiona berry in from above. Well, it retreated at first, kicking its tail to escape what it perceived as a threat. However, as soon as it smelled the food, it scuttled forward, probably intent on gorging itself before any of its brethren bullied it away.

But none would come. The scrawny little thing had been given a holiday home, in which he would receive an all-you-can-eat buffet on the daily.

Man, I thought. Life as a pet lobster sounds pretty sweet. I’m kinda jealous.

“Hey, Fischer?”

“Yes, Maria?”

“That was a weird thought to share with me.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” I grinned at my Church of the Leviathan pals. “Thanks for letting us see your lil lobbies. We’d better get going, though—very important meeting next door, you see.”

“Important, you say?” Gary smirked beneath a raised brow.

“Ah-huh! Might even reach crab nirvana if things go well!”

I gave Pistachio a fistbump in parting, hugged Teddy, and shot Gary a wink—the laugh that came in reply was icing on the cake of what had been a recharging experience.

“Have fun!” Gary teased. “And let me know if you attain that enlightenment!”