Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 89 – More Questions Than Answers

I woke up with a jolt, my heart racing and my breathing shallow. Immediately, I reached for my ears and tail to check if they were there.

They’re there…

…

As I took a moment to calm down, I quickly glanced around the room to make sure that I was really back at the inn and not just in another area of that dream. Thankfully, there was no maze of doors, only the one at the entrance to the room.

What was that?!

It all felt so… real.

Too real to be a dream…

It was more like a-

My heart skipped a beat as I almost instantly realised what I had just experienced. It wasn’t just a dream or a nightmare, but a memory. My memory. It had to be; it was the only thing it could be. But it wasn’t a memory from the me now; it was from… before….

“I really did come from somewhere else…” In my surprise, I accidentally spoke my thoughts out loud.

I immediately covered my mouth and looked over at Ava’s bed. Thankfully, she was still lying face down on her pillow, fast asleep with her wings held up in the air.

…

I know John already told me… but this…

…

I used to be someone else…

I really used to be someone else…

I saw it.

It was strange. I had finally gotten the answers to some of my questions, yet… it didn’t feel as satisfying as I expected. Even if it was nothing more than a glimpse, I was finally able to remember something! I finally had at least the faintest idea of where I came from!

But why did I even remember?

It was a question that gradually dawned on me as I kept playing through the events in my head. It had been around nine years since I could first remember opening my eyes, yet only now was I able to remember something? It wasn’t even a particularly important memory… at least, I didn’t think it was…

The last time I had that dream, I didn’t remember seeing anything like this; all I saw was that staircase right at the end of the corridor. So what was different this time? Why did one of the doors open?

Was it something that happened during the day?

Or was it something I did in the dream?

…

Was it because of the mannequin?

Can I open other doors now?

Will I even have that dream again?

The questions just kept on coming, but I knew I had to stop myself before it got out of control. There was something important that I needed to do as quickly as possible.

I know Ava took it out yesterday…

I quickly glanced around the room and found my notebook sitting on the end table. Without wasting any more time, I grabbed it and started scribbling things down. I sketched whatever I could remember, from the furniture to the little things that were scattered around the desk. I needed to make sure that I had something just in case I forgot again.

As I went from item to item, making sure to capture even the smallest details I could recall, there was one that jumped out at me in particular. The small screen that I had held up in front of me. It looked similar to the panels that Aria and Ovia use, yet still very different, but that wasn’t what was bugging me.

I know what this is!

It’s a phone. My phone!

I remember this!

It was yet another small thing, but even that was incredible. Not only did I now have a memory from before I was Kierra, but I was also able to recall what these strange things I saw were; they were familiar to me. There really were more memories somewhere inside my head.

After I had finished sketching the phone, I got onto the most important part, the face that I saw staring back at me in the mirror. I was quick, putting exactly what was in my mind down onto the page, yet as soon as it was done, a strange sensation washed over me.

…

I stared into the dull eyes I had drawn, looked over each of the curls in the hair, the shape of the nose, the size of the ears… It felt no different from looking at a stranger. I knew that it was me, or… used to be me… but it didn’t feel right. I just couldn’t see that face being mine, no matter how much I told myself that it was.

…

…

What do I do now?

I had the memory, the notes, and the sketches, but what was it all for? I knew that I couldn’t show this to anyone, that I would now have to keep all of this to myself… I knew that in the best-case scenario, Ava wouldn’t believe me, that Aria and Ovia might look at me differently, that they might abandon me altogether.

All I’ve done is confirm that I’m not supposed to be here…

That I’m not like everyone else.

…

But…

Was that really me?

…

Who… really am I?

No matter what I did, no matter what I had learned, all I ended up with were more questions. Even though I now knew beyond any doubt that there was something that came before all of this, it was hard for me to really say that the person in the memory was me. The appearance, the voice, and the way they acted all seemed so… different. It all just felt so… distant… nothing like the memories I made since waking up in that alley.

When I thought of Mom, it was Raynelle I thought of, not whoever I sent that message to. Yet despite all of that… I couldn’t deny that that memory must be mine. That I must have had a Mom who wasn’t Raynelle, that there were people I knew, people who knew me…

…

Right as I was lost trying to sort through the torrent of thoughts in my mind, I heard a stir coming from Ava’s bed. As I looked over, the first thing I saw were her two big black wings twitching before Ava pushed herself up with her eyes still closed.

“Kierra?” She called out as she rubbed her eyes, “Are you awake already?”

I quickly closed my notebook and placed it back on the side table before responding to her.

“Morning Ava.”

“So it is morning… I almost wish I was imagining it, y’know? This bed is just so comfortable that I don’t ever want to leave it,” She slowly spun herself around so that she was sitting upright on the side of her bed, “But whatever… Are you feeling a bit better today? I know I am… I don’t think I realised just how tired I still was.”

…

“Yeah,” I admitted after a brief moment of thought.

Despite all the new questions I had and all the realisations that had dawned on me, overall, I was feeling good, maybe even a little excited. Just the fact that I had gotten even the slightest of answers to some of the questions I thought would never be answered was enough to drown out everything else, at least for a little bit.

“That’s good…” Ava yawned as she stretched, “Well… we don’t have any plans for today… Do you want to just have another lazy day? I’m sure I could get Daleia to let me in the kitchen, and I’d be able to throw together… something… I haven’t really had the time to think this through.”

“… No… I… I want to do something,” I replied without thinking.

“Oh? And what might you want to do?” She asked as she got to her feet.

I hadn’t really thought that far; my response was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. For some reason, I didn’t want to just sit around in the inn today. I just had a feeling that I wanted to go outside and do something, anything.

…

“I want to… sketch something,” I said as my eyes glanced down at my notebook.

“Anything else?”

“… Maybe…” I didn’t have anything else in mind, but I didn’t know what might happen during the day.

“Alright then… we can head out as soon as we’ve gotten ourselves some breakfast. Does that sound good?” Ava asked.

“Yeah.”

The two of us quickly got ready for the day, washing up and getting dressed before hurriedly heading down to the kitchen. I decided to keep my notebook in my cloak instead of giving it to Umbra, just in case I remembered something else during the day and wanted to note it down quickly.

I also made sure to bring the spare key down with me to return to Daleia. Just like the day before, she didn’t ask me any questions about what had happened and just took the key back with a smile on her face.

Breakfast was just as good as the last time we had it, although I didn’t think I had appreciated it as quite much then as I did in that moment, even if it somehow vanished from my plate before I knew it.

It wasn’t much longer after that until Ava and I stepped out the door and onto the busy street outside. However, after taking my first step out, I noticed that there was something, or someone, who seemed a little out of place.

“Oh, good morning to the two of you,” It was Cattleya, who was standing just to the side of the door, “I didn’t expect that we would meet again so soon.”@@novelbin@@

Just seeing her standing there would have been enough of a surprise, but her choice of outfit was more than a little… flashy? She had abandoned the cloak she had worn before in favour of a slightly oversized black jacket. It was not too dissimilar to what I would expect a pirate to wear, although… I don’t think I pirate would be walking around with gold epaulettes and matching buttons that glinted in sunlight. Under the jacket, however, was an excessively extravagant emerald dress complete with a litany of vines and flowers embroidered from top to bottom.

I looked up at Ava, expecting her to say something, but instead, she let out a heavy sigh.

“It’s fine… I… Let’s just say that I owe her,” As Ava spoke, she turned on her heel and headed back into the inn, “Just stay there… I’ll get a cloak for you.”

“Oh no, there’s no-” Before Cattleya could finish what she was saying, Ava slammed the door behind her.

…

…

There was more than a brief moment of silence as Cattleya just stared at the door, her mouth left agape.

What happened between those two?

As the question entered my mind, Cattleya coughed awkwardly before readjusting her jacket and turning her attention to me.

“Well, I spoke to Ava quite a lot yesterday, but I never got to hear from yourself. As you already know, I am Cattleya Astrantia. May I have the pleasure of knowing your name?”

…

“… Kierra,” I eventually responded.