Maybe a Fake Gintama

"Shogun! Shogun! Where are you?!" Hijikata kept shouting, his hands not stopping as he pulled one human-shaped radish after another out of the snow.

Even after pulling everyone out, Hijikata still couldn't find the Shogun. He started to panic, his pupils shaking as he muttered in disbelief, "He's... not here... The Shogun... is missing..."

"Well..." Feeling that things were getting out of hand, Kawaki silently picked up Kagura and Tsukuyo and, without hesitation, turned around and said, "I just remembered that I forgot to turn off the air conditioner when I left. So, we'll just..."

"Wait! You bastard!" Hijikata, with a twisted expression, grabbed Kawaki's clothes, "Are you trying to run away alone in this situation? After doing that to the Shogun, you think you can just leave?!"

"Hey, hey, today's police don't even talk about evidence, huh?" Kawaki clicked his tongue in disapproval, "Not only evidence, but they don't even talk about reason~ Shogun? Who's that? I don't know any Shogun~"

"You..." Hijikata gritted his teeth, speaking one word at a time, "Anyway, you're not going anywhere! If we don't find the Shogun safe and sound, everyone here will be beheaded!"

"No, it has nothing to do with me." Kawaki replied impatiently, spreading his hands, "You should understand the saying 'every debt has its debtor,' right? If the Shogun hadn't come here, none of this would have happened. So, it's just his own fault. If he hadn't decided to come here, nothing would have happened! In other words, the Shogun brought this on himself! We're being generous by not holding him responsible!"@@novelbin@@

"That's true, boss," Okita, who had woken up at some point, nodded in agreement.

"True, my ass!" Hijikata yelled, veins bulging on his forehead.

"Why drag me into this?!" Hijikata roared, veins popping. Then he suddenly thought of something and quickly took out his phone. "Rescue... We should call for rescue... No signal!?! Are you kidding me?! Where the hell are we? There's no street, no human presence, no rescue, just a bunch of losers. We're doomed. Forget about guarding the Shogun; we're all in trouble."

Nearby, Kawaki and Okita continued their conversation, oblivious to Hijikata's muttering.

"Really? You booked a hot spring inn too?" Okita exclaimed, then sighed, "That's nice~ We don't have that kind of luxury~."

"If you want to join us, feel free," Kawaki said casually, turning to leave, "In this weather, soaking in a hot spring is the best thing."

"Really?" Okita asked, following Kawaki.

"No problem, I heard Tsukuyo booked the whole place," Kawaki replied. "But being alone in the men's bath would be lonely."

"Great!" Okita cheered, then turned and waved goodbye to Hijikata, "Sorry, Hijikata-san, I'm off to the hot spring inn with the boss."

"Heh... hot spring inn?" Hijikata's face twisted, revealing a broken expression, "Where? Is there such a place here? Seriously... where are we?"

Kawaki finally stopped and looked around, his face turning blank.

"Where are we?"

...

"Shogun-sama! If you're here, please respond!" Shinpachi shouted into the desolate snow mountain.

Behind him, Kawaki and the others sat around a small campfire. For ten minutes, Shinpachi had been shouting; no one else had spoken, and they all sat silently with blank faces. ＲἈƝồΒĚ𝘴

After Shinpachi sat down, Hijikata broke the silence, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag before speaking, "We're going to be beheaded. If things stay like this, everyone's head will roll."

"Don't be ridiculous," Kawaki scoffed, folding his arms. "How's this our fault? We're the ones being dragged into this. We just came for a relaxing trip."

"Exactly, involving innocent civilians and then wanting to behead us," Gintoki added disdainfully, spreading his hands. "We just won a trip to go skiing. You can take your hellish trip yourself."

Hijikata's face contorted with rage, a vein popping on his forehead. "So your vacation plan included using the Shogun as a snowboard and getting him involved in a bomb attack?"

"How should I know? When I came to my senses, he was already at my feet," Gintoki replied irritably.

"Don't worry, Tsukuyo," Kawaki said, raising a finger and smiling reassuringly. "The law actually has a provision: ignorance is innocence. Even if we go to court, we can use 'I didn't know' to get off the hook."

Hearing this, Hijikata's face gained two more veins.

"Really?!" Gintoki exclaimed, pulling out a notebook and starting to write. "Ignorance is innocence... So if I don't know killing an idiot is a crime, I'm not responsible? Amazing. The law is so humane now. But killing an idiot isn't a crime, right?"

"Who's the idiot?!" Kawaki yelled, punching Gintoki on the head.

"Don't worry, aru," Kagura said sweetly, sitting next to Kawaki. "I remember someone saying that people at the top should understand the feelings of those below... Or maybe they didn't."

"You don't even know if they said it?!" Hijikata raged. "And since when does understanding mean using someone as a snowboard?"

"Really?" Kondou spoke up, shivering in his underwear and looking like he had seen through the world's illusions. "So, Hijikata using me as a snowboard was to understand the feelings of his subordinates? I see."

"Yeah," Hijikata nodded instantly. "That's how I see it."

"But no matter what," Otae said thoughtfully, "if we leave the Shogun in just his underwear, he'll die."

"Um, sis, there's someone right here in just his underwear being ignored," Hijikata reminded.

"What should we do?" Otae continued, ignoring Hijikata. "To warm the body, the best way is to huddle naked. So, let's send the naked ones to search."

"Get me a blanket!" Kondou, his spirit shattered, cried out. "A blanket to cover my fragile soul!"

"Whether we save the Shogun or wait to be beheaded, we must first ensure our own safety," Hijikata stated.

"I understand that. We're in a crisis now," Okita added.

"That makes sense," Katsura suggested, suddenly speaking from behind them. "Let's split into a safety team and a Shogun search team. Don't worry, though the Shogun is an enemy to us, in this situation, discussing positions and identities is pointless."

"Everyone!" Katsura, made into a snowman by Okita, said excitedly. "Let's forget the past and face this crisis together! From now on, I'm just the captain! Feel free to jump into my arms!"

"Well..." Okita glanced at Katsura, "If something happens to the Shogun, let's blame that guy and Hijikata-san for failing their guard duty. What should we do?"

"Why drag me into this?!" Hijikata fumed. "Blame him alone!"

"Hey! Did you hear me?" Katsura, still buried in the snow, struggled. "It's about time you let the captain out!"

"Tsukuyo, what's wrong?" Kawaki asked, puzzled, noticing Tsukuyo had been silent and downcast. "This isn't our first crisis. Your reaction is too much."

"No, it's nothing..." Tsukuyo replied quietly, holding a folded piece of paper tightly, thinking, [The entire plan for this trip was ruined because of this idiot!]

"But your expression seems forced..." Kawaki rubbed his chin, suspiciously staring at Tsukuyo's face.

"Uncle, you really don't understand anything," Kagura sighed, shaking her head. "When a woman acts unnatural like this, it's definitely that time of the month."

"I see." Kawaki nodded in understanding.

"In such times, all she needs is a warm kunai and your warm head, uncle. Then she'll be fine," Kagura suggested with a raised finger.

"Hey, that's not the right way to help," Kawaki deadpanned.

Hijikata, getting impatient, interrupted, "Enough. Anyway, the other team members must have realized the Shogun and we are missing. They'll come to rescue us eventually."

"Are you listening to me? Hey!" Katsura called out, ignored.

"Before that, both we and the Shogun must survive," Hijikata declared, standing up and stuffing his hands into his pockets, "Let's split into two groups."