Merchant Crab

“I got that delivery you asked for, remember?” said Rob, standing in front of the crab holding a small wooden crate full of bottles.

Balthazar stared at the courier with his jaw dropped, his frown expressing utter confusion.

“I literally teleported to this place not even ten minutes ago from across the whole continent! How in the name of meringue did you find me?!”

The mustached adventurer simply shrugged. “Dunno. I just deliver things where I’m told.”

“Where you’re… By whom? By what? How?!” the bewildered crustacean exclaimed, throwing his pincers up.

Rob rolled his eyes. “Look, you want the stuff or not? I got other places to be, other deliveries to make.”

“You do? Because it’s honestly starting to feel like I’m your only client…” Balthazar pinched the space between his eyestalks and let out a resigned sigh. “It’s been a long, chaotic day. I don’t really have time for this argument anyway. Just… give me those.”

“Alright, here you go,” the courier said, putting the crate of bottles down in front of the crab. “Special delivery of pond water, as you requested.”@@novelbin@@

“Potions of Hydration, if you don’t mind, thank you very much,” said the merchant.

“Why, for selling, of course. I am still a merchant after all.”

“They’re bottles of water,” the human said. “Who would want to buy these?”

Balthazar smirked as he began storing the bottles in his bottomless backpack. “That’s where I work my merchant magic, my mustached friend. Silly adventurers don’t know what they really want or need until I make them see it.”

Rob scowled as he crossed his arms. “You do remember I’m an adventurer too, right?”

“Yep!” the crab nonchalantly said without taking his eyes off the bottles he was moving.

“Anyway, I should head off now,” said the courier. “Your guys back home say hello, by the way. And they ask when you will be back.”

The traveling merchant raised his gaze to the adventurer. “Soon, hopefully! Tell them I’m really close to finding a way to repair Bouldy.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “You travel a lot, have you heard anything about the red dragon? Any sightings of it?”

“Nah, nothing,” Rob replied. “People were on edge for a while, but things are starting to calm down now that it’s been a couple of months without any more dragon sightings. Maybe it went into hibernation?”

“I kinda hope not,” Balthazar said as he put the backpack back on. “By the way, have you seen Rye around somewhere?”

“The archer boy? Nope. Why? I thought he was traveling with you.”

The crab let out a quiet sigh. “Yes, he was, for a while. We… split up a while back. I hope he’s doing alright. If you see him, let him know I found a way to bring Bouldy back, will you?”

Rob gave the crab a quick goodbye salute. “Sure thing, big crab. I’ll be going now, before it gets dark. See ya!”

“Alright,” Balthazar said, glancing down at his backpack’s straps as he adjusted them. “Safe travels and—”

He moved eyestalks back up, but the courier had already disappeared.

“…and he’s already gone.”

Shaking his shell, the merchant placed both claws on the sides of his shell and looked back at his companions.

“Well, this has been one hell of a day, hasn’t it?”

Druma shook his head vigorously, as always. Blue simply stared impassively, as usual.

The crab looked up at the sky and the setting sun on the horizon.

As eager as he was to get to that forge across the valley below them, he knew there were risks in rushing it. He had come so far already, a few more hours wouldn’t hurt. They all needed rest after the crazy day the crab and his friends had. And navigating a dense, unknown forest in the middle of the night would be just asking for trouble. ṟÀꞐ𝘖ВĚS̈

“Alright! Let’s set up camp and rest here for the night,” Balthazar said to his companions. “Tomorrow we head down to the Golem Forge and bring our Bouldy back!”

Druma clapped enthusiastically before getting to work starting a small campfire, and the crab could swear even Blue had given him a subtle nod of approval.

After a while, under the moonless night sky and the fire’s warm glow, the crab sat down going through his backpack as his assistant and his drake slowly drifted off to sleep.

Rummaging with his pincer, Balthazar finally found what he was looking for—a slice of a few days’ old pie.

Ah, a little snack before sleep is just what I needed…

Just as he was about to bite down on the pastry, his eyes landed on his bag again and he paused.

Reaching inside again, the crab retrieved his new monocle and put it on, amazed once again at how easily it automatically adapted itself to his unique anatomy.

Looking down, he inspected his backpack again to read the second special effect the wizard had helped him uncover.

[Once a day, you may reach into the backpack to find a new item has appeared inside. The item’s usefulness may be questionable but never fully random.]

Hmm, I wonder how useful this could be…

He looked up at the cloudy sky as a windchill blew past the clearing in front of the cave.

Well, the day is almost over. Maybe I should do a little testing…

With his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth, Balthazar reached inside the pack with his whole arm, rummaging and feeling for something that even he didn’t exactly know yet.

Come on, come on… Give me something useful…

He stopped as his pincer suddenly grabbed something metallic.

“Oh!”

Excited, the crab pulled his arm out of the bag to see what item had appeared in his backpack.

Held between his pincers was a fork, old and with signs of years of use, with a bit of rust between its tines.

“Are you kidding me?!” the merchant muttered, not wanting to wake his friends up. “What is the point of this?”

His frowning eyestalks moved from the fork down to the piece of pie he was about to eat before.

“Oh, come on…” he said, rolling his eyes. “How is that really useful? I don’t even have hands to use cutlery!”

Annoyed, the crab tossed the rusty fork behind his shell, deeming it too worthless to even sell.

“Stupid system…” Balthazar mumbled as he stuffed his mouth full of pie using his pincers, like nature intended.

It was stale and slightly hard to chew, but it hit the spot nonetheless. After his snack, the crab leaned back against his backpack, watching the swaying treetops as he let the warmth of the fire soothe his tired body.

Good time as any to do this, I guess…

Flicking his eyestalks, the crab brought the level-up screen into his view.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

[You have reached level 23]

[Choose a base stat to increase by 10]

[Health: 230/230]

[Stamina: 30/30]

[Mana: 30/30]

Bah, no overthinking this time. Just give me more health!

[Health: 240/240]

With a yawn, Balthazar moved to the next screen.

[You have 3 unspent attribute points]

[Attributes:]

[Strength: 5]

[Endurance: 5]

[Agility: 5]

[Perception: 5]

[Intellect: 20]

[Charisma: 63]

I’m done with Intellect for now, screw that. I could do Strength to meet the requirements for Mega Pinch, but now that I got that skill from Tweedus that lets me bypass that once a day… Maybe I won’t bother. How many times in a day would I need to pinch someone super hard anyway?

Struggling to keep his eyestalks up, the crab simply dumped his three points into the old trusty Charisma as usual and dismissed the system screen, letting himself fall asleep next to the crackling campfire right after.

***

The next morning, Balthazar woke up to a thin layer of hoar frost covering his shell. Autumn would soon be over, and winter was already making itself felt in the early hours of the day.

Thankfully for the merchant, crabs are cold-blooded creatures, so all the chilly weather did to him was make him feel lazier, slightly less hungry, and give him an irrational urge to bury himself into the ground.

Unlike those warm-blooded creatures with their constant internal temperatures, shivers, and frostbites concerns. Like his goblin assistant a few paces away.

Snuggled up against Blue to stay warm.

So sad, how he needed to feed off her magical warmth.

Made the crab feel pity for him.

Poor thing, all nice and cozy between her wings.

Not like Balthazar, who would never need to embarrass himself like that in order to survive.

Feeling great for being such a superior species and without a hint of envy in him at all, the crab stood up and shook the frost off his back as loudly as he could.

The sound of the thin ice shattering and falling to the ground made the goblin open his eyes, looking around groggy and disoriented.

“Oh, did I wake you?” the merchant said offhandedly. “My bad, didn’t notice you were still sleeping there.”

After some morning stretching and a few bites of mango pie to sweeten his mood, the crab and his party set out to the forge on the side of the mountain across the valley below.

Walking down the narrow path from the hill they were on, the three travelers entered the forest as the timid autumn sun began shining through the sparse leaves and branches above.

The woods were quiet, with little chattering from the wildlife, save for the occasional rabbit or squirrel skittering away between the fallen leaves as they felt the approaching stomping of the giant crab.

Balthazar was happy to find no setbacks on his path. For once, it seemed like he would finally reach his objective without any distractions or detours.

Halfway through the forest, the group arrived on the side of a dirt road that split the valley in two.

With the mountain being on the other side of the woods, the road was of no use to them.

The merchant looked east up the road and then west where it went. Nobody in sight.

Excellent! Nothing to get in the way.

With a shrug and a step forward, the crab started crossing the road.

Halfway across, his bristles stood up as he heard the unmistakable sound of clanking metal armor that could only mean one thing: adventurers.

“Noble crab!” a boastful voice called.

Oh, for the love of pie…

Dropping his arms, the exasperated crustacean turned to face the incoming nuisance.

“Sorry, too busy to sell you callus ointment right now! Please come visit us at our establishment near Ardville later. Good day!”

“Please, dear crab,” the adventurer exclaimed. “I seek thee not for thy wares, but to bring thee glad tidings!”

The merchant stared at the human with a cocked eyestalk. “What?!”

“Good news,” the adventurer said. “I’m saying I bring you good news, friend.”

By the sound of her voice, it seemed she was a young woman, which was otherwise impossible to discern beneath the bulk of her heavy plate armor. She moved down the road toward the crab with the awkward waddle of someone who was clearly wearing far too much plate.

Balthazar usually had trouble remembering human faces—which was not really a factor here, as the adventurer wore a full-face helmet with only two narrow slits for the eyes—but something about this one felt vaguely familiar.

“Do I… know you?” he hesitantly asked.

“Why, of course!” the knight exclaimed, stopping in front of the crab. “It is I, Hannabeth, noble knight paladin! We have met before, when you sent me out on a most noble of quests to save your friend!”

The merchant’s eyes widened as he finally remembered where he had seen that bucket head before. She was one of the adventurers Balthazar had inquired about the Frostshade petals when Druma fell ill due to a wolf’s bite.

“That was back in the middle of last summer!” the crab exclaimed.

“Goodness me, time sure does fly!” the paladin said with a boastful laugh. “My apologies for the delay. I have been mighty busy with other errands.”

“Yeah, pretty easy to get sidetracked when doing quests, I know,” muttered the traveling merchant.

“Nonetheless, fear not, for I have returned with the cure for your friend’s ailment!” she announced loudly and proudly, before awkwardly bending her plated arm to reach the pouch on the back of her belt. “The Frostshade petals you requested!”

Held in her gloved hand was a small blue flower, wilted and missing most of its petals.

“That’s a common blue mountain flower,” Balthazar said, doing his utmost not to let his eyestalks roll to the back of his shell.

“It is?!” the surprised adventurer said, bringing the old flower in front of her helmet’s eye slits.

“Not that it matters,” said the crab. “It’s been months! What made you think I’d still need them now?!”

“You do not?” Hannabeth said in a quieter tone. “My deepest condolences for the loss of your friend.”

The baffled merchant looked at the adventurer as she held her fist against her plated chest in a salute, the poor little remnant of a flower still in her grasp.

“What? No! My friend is fine. I got the petals and cured him months ago!”

“Oh! Happy days! All's well that ends well then!”

The crab and the knight stood still for an awkward moment, neither one saying a thing.

“So…” Hannabeth finally mumbled, idly kicking a pebble from the road.

“So… what?” said Balthazar.

“I guess that concludes my quest… right?”

“Oh, no way! Uh-uh, I’m not paying you a single crown,” the merchant exclaimed, shaking his pincer. “You came back to me months later and without even bringing the right item!”

The paladin stood very straight—or as straight as her limited posture allowed.

“Perfectly understandable! I make no claim to any monetary payment. But… could I perhaps still ask to have this quest be completed, my good crab?”

Balthazar squinted his eyes at the adventurer with suspicion. “Why should I care about that? In fact, why would you care?”

Hannabeth dropped her shoulders and sighed as if letting go of a great weight.

“Look, mate,” she said, dropping the bombastic tone of voice. “I’m just trying to clear out my backlog of quests, alright? This thing goes back months, and I’ve been traveling all over trying to complete every little thing I’ve taken on, but for every one I complete I seem to take on three or four new ones. Seriously, I can’t seem to stop myself. Just earlier I started a new quest to find a bloody purple chicken, for crying out loud!”

The crab glared at the human with an uncomfortable expression. In the past, he would have cared little for her plight, but after his travels, Balthazar found himself unable to not relate to her problem, even if just a tiny bit.

“Come on,” said Hannabeth. “Help a girl out, will you? I don’t even need you to give me any rewards. Just tell me my quest is complete so I can cross this off my list and I’ll be out of your… bristles.”

Balthazar sighed and rolled his eyestalks.

“Fine. But only so you’ll leave me alone!”

“Great!” exclaimed the young woman.

“Well done, adventurer, yada yada yada, your quest is complete,” the merchant said with a groan. “Now get lost.”

“Many thanks, good sir!” the paladin proclaimed, returning to the loud and boastful voice, much to the crab’s chagrin. “I shall return to my journey now, content in knowing that another fine inhabitant of Heartha has been aided by the gods through this loyal vessel!”

“Freaking role-players…” Balthazar muttered under his breath.

“Safe travels to you,” Hannabeth said. “And do keep an eye out for dangers! I have heard talk of goblins being sighted around these valleys. The foul, disgusting creatures!”

Glancing at the side of the road where his companions were still waiting, the merchant discreetly shooed Druma and Blue away with his claw. Thankfully, it seemed they were both out of the very narrow field of view of the bucket head knight.

“Yep, sure thing. Will do!” Balthazar said. “Hey, wait, speaking of sightings. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about a big red dragon being seen anywhere, would you?”

“A dragon?! Verily?” the knight paladin exclaimed, her helmeted face coming closer to the crab. “There is a dragon on the loose in these lands?”

“Well, not sure what lands, but yes, there’s a red dragon somewhere out—”

“By the gods’ divine grace!” Hannabeth blurted out. “This be a knight’s most noble of tasks! To find and slay a dragon! Oh, what grand and purposeful quest!”

“What?! Wait, no!” Balthazar hurriedly said. “I was just asking if you heard anything. I’m not giving you a ques—”

“Worry not, my crustacean friend!” exclaimed the adventurer, hitting the metal plate on her chest with a closed fist. “I, Hannabeth, knight paladin, swear on my honor that I will see this quest through and find this mighty dragon, no matter how long it takes me!”

The crab stood rooted in place, staring at her, feeling his will to live quickly abandoning him.

“Yeah, sure. You know what? Go right ahead. I don’t even care anymore. Knock yourself out.”

The knight paladin nodded her bucket. “Very well! Farewell to thee. I shall get back on the road now!”

Balthazar watched as she clanked away, walking out of the road and disappearing into the bushes of the forest.

Shaking his shell as he signaled for his companions to follow, the crab walked in the opposite direction, heading toward the Golem Forge’s entrance.

I swear, if one more damn adventurer shows up, I’m gonna start pinching ankles.