Chapter 63 63: Little Sett's secrets
In the Past.
Sett and his grandmother found a small food stall in the forest settlement and began eating dumplings. They were spicy enough to roast a normal man's tongue, but the duo of weirdos loved such an intense and different taste and kept asking for more.
As he ate the dumplings, though, Sett's mind moved to his mother.
He wondered what she might be doing back in the royal capital. He also worried if she would be able to handle everything there without him acting as her eyes.
At the same time, he also worried about the broader situation of the empire.
It must be night back in the capital, is she thinking about me?
His poor mother really deserved some rest.
Just thinking about Neilara made Sett feel a weight in his chest. She was someone he had to live up to in the future. No matter what he became in the end, he will be compared to her. So, he couldn't slack.
No.
He was already being compared to her.
"My mother is such a…" he wanted to continue, but he didn't have the exact words for it. Then, he shook his head. "I don't know how I'd ever match up to her."
"Your mother really is something," Ismera said with a warm smile.
Sett smiled as well. "Yeah, she is a blind woman, but she is so hard on herself. And on the people surrounding her, too." He couldn't help but chuckle. "She is so serious—so, so… I don't even know. She is not like you at all."
Ismera took a dumpling from the bowl before her and put it into her mouth, swallowing with a sour face.
"Is that a jab I hear after all the troubles I go through for you?" she asked.
Sett opened his mouth. "Grandma, feed me."
She did exactly that for him, her grievances forgotten.
"Do you miss your home?" she asked, "Isn't this the longest you have been out of the palace?"
"I don't miss home," he said. "But I miss the people. I want to go back to them as a better, more capable person. I don't want to just be… me. I want to live up to their expectations."
"You are trembling," she fed him another dumpling, noting. "Tell your grandma about it."
Sett felt the warmth of her gaze and he took a deep breath.
He would never tell this to anyone, not even his wives knew it, but he felt he could tell Ismera about it.
"Every day, fear gnaw at me, grandma. I sometimes just freeze up on my bed, fearing to even leave my room and look at my mother or wives. Sometimes, I just hide in the library reading books to hide that fear but I know the fear is eating me up."
She listened, silent.
"Everyone has so many expectations of me, everyone thinks I will become someone great. To them, it seems like an inevitability that I will accomplish things."
He held her hand near his face.
The fear of not being able to match up to those expectations.
The fear of being insufficient.
Sett, ever so audacious, seemed to become ever so tiny in front of her.
"I am afraid, grandma. I think I will never be enough. Even the knowledge you give me, the teachings of my mother, they can only do so much. I am not as great as you all think I am, I think I never will match up to those high expectations.
"I fear the day that everyone else will realize it like I do."
That fear of not being able to match up to his and others' expectations had even made him unwilling to try new things recently.
He convinced himself that if he tried, he would be able to achieve it. But if he didn't even try, he didn't have to worry about the fear of not being able to achieve it. As such, the things he had wanted to try soon became a pile of mountains behind him, weighing him down.
Ismera's heart melted right up. No matter what, he is a kid after all.
"Oh, come on. That was making you this anxious?"
Sett nodded, wishing to just hide from her. This was too open.
Revealing it made him feel as if he were in a desert storm, naked and weak, while the world stared at him.
The other people in the dumpling shop didn't matter. They might as well have been air. But his grandmother, she knew his vulnerability now.
Sett looked downwards at his own feet.
Ismera cupped his face.
"Come on, look at your grandma. Don't look down at the ground with that defeated expression." She said: "Where is the brat who dared to enter his grandmother's boudoir half-naked?"
He looked up.
"There it is. Come, give me a kiss."
Sett was surprised at the favor, but took the chance anyway.
"Did you like it?" she asked.
He nodded, looking at her glistening lips.
"You taste spicy."
"Just know that whether you can match up to other's expectations or not, I will always be here. That kiss, don't ever forget how it tasted." She gave him another peck, this time her tongue acting more boldly. "This is not something that I gave you because I have high expectations of you. Don't think I don't, I do. I have sky high expectations for you."
"But you, just as you are, are enough to deserve kisses like that from me. And no matter what you become down the line, that will not change. Otherwise, I wouldn't have let you do whatever you wanted in that tent the other day."
Sett looked at her in stunned silence.
"Does that mean I can kiss you whenever I want from now on?"
She smiled. "Sure, why not?"
That is what Sett did. He began kissing her right then and there—one, two, three, four, five times. She just let it be, while realizing that, with this alone, he would definitely fail to win this dungeon without her help.
Then, he stopped.
Many people had taken notice of them.
This was a way more ancient time and people weren't that careful about propriety. But someone kissing for so long in broad daylight was enough to catch attention, and soon enough, people began to murmur about them.
Soon enough, they were the center of attention and a boulder-like man stormed towards them.
Sett turned to him, irritated.
"I like your mate," the boulder-like man said to Sett, "give her to me."
Ismera sighed.
The man became a pulverized piece of blood and flesh.
His torso was the only thing that remained of him.
Sett rose from his seat, hands dripping crimson.
Tall, sharp, and deadly.
"Annoying piece of pests, I was thinking the place had a faint stench." He rubbed his neck, looking around at the group with cold, callous eyes. "Maybe I should clean it up?"
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