My Desertion Would Be Faster Than Heros’ Obsession

2555 Days Until Discharge

I had decided to assassinate the Crown Prince.

The reason was absurd. Because until the Crown Prince arrived, we had to clean endlessly.

“What... What is this...?”

Right now, I was using a dry rag to clean pebbles.

In case you don’t understand, let me explain again. I was cleaning pebbles with a rag.

And when I say pebbles, I mean the ones scattered on the ground. The same pebbles that April, that crazy b****, had thrown and told us to find.

“Damn it! The pebbles are dirty! Clean them better!”

“Sniff, yes… understood…”

It wasn’t because I was tired, but because this whole situation was so absurd and pitiful that I could have cried.

The Crown Prince, who was preparing for his coronation, was supposedly going to visit the army to encourage the Imperial Guard, perhaps as a show. And by some twist of fate, our 18th platoon from the 72nd Special Forces Division of the Border Defense Army was the one chosen for the visit...

Our platoon consisted of Alpha, Beta, and Gamma squads, and although the squads were generally placed together, our platoon had each squad separated by about a 20-minute distance.

Among these, Beta Squad's building was connected to the company headquarters, and it was where the company commander and administrative staff worked.

The reason our squads were separated was supposedly to optimize border patrols, but for weapon supplies and administrative matters, we often had to visit the company headquarters.

And when dangerous monsters like the dragon incident happened, our platoon had to cooperate in combat, and we also shared training grounds located at the company headquarters. So, our three squads were distant but close in some ways.

Anyway, the bottom line was that all three squads of our 18th platoon were on high alert.

When we heard that the Crown Prince would be visiting our platoon in four days, the unit flipped out.

“All training is canceled! From now on, only cleaning!”

The company commander and platoon leaders barked orders at the soldiers frantically.

“Beta squad is filthy! I’m disappointed in you!”

“Our squad members! Get it together!”

Taro, who had said he just wanted to stay quiet, now had his eyes completely bloodshot. Every time he spotted a stain, he ordered more cleaning.

“The ceiling is dirty! The ceiling!”

“The bathroom smells like the bathroom!”

“Look at the trees! The branches don’t look nice!”

“Flag! Wipe the flag every hour! No dust allowed!”

“Yeah! Our new commander is very thorough!”

Taro made ridiculous demands, and the platoon leaders followed behind, monitoring us with eagle eyes. But even so, I didn’t hold any resentment toward them.

After all, in front of the Crown Prince, they were just low-ranking officers.

The source of all this trouble was, without a doubt, the Crown Prince.

“Clean the pebbles faster! Faster! Until you can’t even see your hands! When you’re done, clean the wheels of the cart!”

“Yes, understood…”

Karon, who was cleaning pebbles next to me, and Brave, a corporal, scolded us, but we weren’t the only ones whose minds were half gone. Brave had that same glazed-over look on his face as he scrubbed the barbed wire...

Wait, how is he even cleaning barbed wire?

Strange things kept happening, and it made me think that maybe the military was part of the Cthulhu mythos...

‘I want to desert.’

Normally, cleaning was something the new recruits and privates would take care of, but now, even corporals were losing their minds and cleaning because of this “Crown Prince visit” fiasco.

Especially this month’s newly promoted corporals—Winter, Altair, and Yuri.

They were cleaning more enthusiastically than anyone else, like they had reverted to privates.

‘Winter... I thought now that he’s a corporal, he’d regain some of the male lead swagger from the original novel...’

“There’s ants in the tree.”

I looked up at Winter, who was on a tree, trimming branches, ready to annihilate every bug on the trunk with his perfectionist approach.

‘As expected... Perfect in every way!’

Why does he have to be so perfect even when doing something like this? Every time he moved the scissors with his delicate hands, twigs and leaves fell to the ground.

The poor ones weren’t just the corporals but also the new recruits who had just arrived with Taro today.

The two new male recruits, who were supposed to undergo hellish training as per usual, were now...@@novelbin@@

“Leaves! There are leaves on the ground!”

They were diligently sweeping up leaves under Plato’s harsh gaze. Holding large brooms, they were trying to sweep the leaves and looked completely confused about why they were doing this.

‘They must be wondering whether we’re just messing around or not.’

Seeing seniors clean the pebbles right in front of them, I’m sure they thought all of this was a joke, too.

“Sa-Salvia-nim... I want to do training...”

Karon, who was cleaning the pebbles next to me, spoke with watery eyes. Seeing my junior like this made me feel like crying too.

“Sniff, my poor baby...”

“Sorry, what?”

“Don’t worry... my poor baby will always be my baby...”

At this point, I was even slipping into words from my past life. It felt like I was losing control of my mouth due to exhaustion...

“Hey, you guys. Let me see those pebbles. Yeah, they’re clean!”

Taro, who had been wandering the unit with tired eyes, came over to us and looked satisfied.

Beside him was Elliot, the commander, whom I hadn’t seen in a while. Elliot, who was about to be discharged, had been laying low for some time, but in this kind of emergency, he had to show up.

“Alright! Now go clean the wheels of the cart! No, just clean every corner of the cart!”

“Yes, understood…”

I patted Karon, still teary-eyed, and took him with me to wash the rags. I had no idea how to clean the wheels, but somehow, I’d manage. After all, this is the military...

“Uh, Salvia-nim...”

Just then, Karon called my name in a small voice.

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Uhm, I don’t understand why we have to prepare to greet the Crown Prince…”

Karon said this with a smile, and I tried to guess what he meant.

He was probably wondering why we had to prepare to serve the Crown Prince, who was a member of the Adolph Empire's royal family, bound to us by a slave contract-like magical pact, when to us, the Crown Prince was nothing less than an enemy.

But still, we were serving in the Border Defense Army, and the Crown Prince was someone we had to salute as our superior.

‘Come to think of it, has everyone gotten so used to this situation that they can’t even resent the Crown Prince anymore?’

That thought crossed my mind, but I pushed aside my urge to assassinate the Crown Prince and answered in a sweet tone.

“Yeah, for now, the Crown Prince is our superior, so we have to serve him.”

“Oh, but... if the Crown Prince is coming and making everyone suffer like this, wouldn’t it be better to stop him from coming to our unit?”

“Huh? How? Do you have a way?”

“Yes, I have a way…”

‘Hmm, Karon seems to be a bit confused.’

If it were Ishina, I would have suspected he was plotting something sinister, but Karon’s personality made that unlikely.

He sometimes forgot the basics, so the method Karon had come up with probably wasn’t the best solution, but I asked out of curiosity, playing along with the youngest.

“Really? What’s your plan? Can you tell me?”

“Well, it’s...”

Karon said with a shy smile.

“We set fire to the mountain.”

“…Huh?”

“We set the entrance of the mountain on fire and say it was the monsters’ doing. Then, the Crown Prince would have to go to another unit since something happened in ours, right?”

“…You want us to set fire to a mountain?”

“Yeah, do you think that’s a bad idea?”

‘...What?’

I stared at Karon with a stunned expression, unable to believe what he had just said. Where did his thinking go wrong?

“…Karon, listen carefully.”

“Yes, yes...!”

“First, you can’t set fire to the mountain.”

“Ah…”

“Setting fire to the mountain will kill the plants and animals living there. We can’t do that.”

“Ah, so it’s bad to kill the plants and animals...?”

…I knew Karon wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but I didn’t think he’d forget basic ethics like this.

‘No, I need to understand… Karon isn’t a bad kid, he just didn’t know better.’

After a deep sigh, I decided to teach him once again, this time in a gentle tone as if speaking to a child.

“Okay, now you understand that we can’t set fire to the mountain, right?”

“Yes, now I understand...!”

“Good, now let’s go wash some rags…”

Somehow, after teaching such a basic lesson, I felt even more drained.

‘Physically and mentally exhausted…’

As I trudged along, I was greeted by a familiar face in the laundry area, and my face lit up.

“Aquila!”

The comrade I could trust more than anyone here!

I was able to reunite with Aquila after hours of separation.

Of course, both of our conditions were a mess.

Aquila was scrubbing rags, his eyes dark and hollow. His usual emotionless gaze now betrayed his deep desire to desert.

“Salvia, what’ve you been up to?”

“I was with Karon, cleaning pebbles…”

“…You were cleaning what?”

“Pebbles…”

Aquila gave me a sympathetic look at those words.

“What about you, Aquila?”

“I was cleaning the ceiling.”

“How do you even clean a ceiling...?”

“I don’t even know how I did it myself…”

At his words, I opened my arms and gave him a teary-eyed look. With a similarly exhausted expression, Aquila pulled me into an embrace with one arm. It was truly a heartwarming comradeship.

“Hey, you guys.”

“Y-Yes?”

A sudden voice from behind made me jump, and I quickly pulled away from Aquila, straightening up.

Ishina was looking at us with moist eyes.

“Hey, you guys, I think we need to hurry up and wash the rags…”

“Yes, yes! We’ll wash them and go clean the wheels of the cart!”

“No, Taro-nim said there’s a more urgent place we need to clean…”

A feeling of unease washed over me, and I looked up at Ishina with trembling eyes.

Ishina’s eyes, much like mine, were also wavering.

“What... what is it?”

“Hm, he said the bathroom ceiling is dirty…”

“Ugh, how are we supposed to clean that…?”

I collapsed helplessly onto the floor at his words.

Damn it, whether he’s a clingy male lead or not, I’ll make sure to kill that Crown Prince...

***

And so, on the very morning the Crown Prince arrived.

We stood in a line at the entrance of the unit, waiting for the Crown Prince to arrive.

From the platoon leaders to the commanders, to the new recruits whose names I didn’t know, we all had the same exhausted look in our eyes, as if we were ready to drop dead.

The clothes we had painstakingly washed and ironed yesterday were now crisp, and our shoes were shining with polish. The road we had scrubbed all night gleamed as it reflected the light.

“…He’s coming.”

As we stood there, tense and silent, Winter broke the quiet with a low voice.