My Desertion Would Be Faster Than Heros’ Obsession

"The most important thing," Winter said in a cold, detached tone, "is maintaining reason."

He continued, his voice as steady as ever. "You must hold onto your reason and follow the principles. Empty yourself of emotion, avoid unnecessary assumptions, and obey orders without question. That is how you survive in the Border Defense Army."

I turned my head to look at his profile. His chiseled features were so flawless, he looked like he’d stepped straight out of a romance fantasy novel cover.

But in his pale gray-blue eyes, I caught a glimpse of something I couldn’t fully describe—an emptiness that defied simple explanation.

"These are the most crucial things for surviving in this place," he concluded.

‘…This is driving me crazy.’

If this were a romance novel, people would be whispering behind his back, calling him a "monster without blood or tears," and the heroine would swoop in to heal his emotional wounds.

But Winter’s rigid adherence to principles and his icy personality weren’t born out of mere coldness—they were a byproduct of this apocalyptic world.

If this world weren’t so relentlessly cruel, Winter might have grown into someone simply reserved and perfectionistic. Instead, this world had stripped him of emotion and turned him into a principled survivor.

I used to struggle to understand why Winter remained loyal to the Imperial Family, even while suffering under the "contract magic" they had imposed on us.

But now, I got it. For Winter, surviving meant suppressing personal feelings, devoting himself entirely to his duty, and doing what was required—nothing more, nothing less.

I couldn’t help but curse this world again, even as I kept my outward composure.

‘Damn this crazy Nemijip setting.’

Where had the rights of Arkons disappeared to? It was this very world that turned Arkons into monsters without blood or tears.

Suddenly, I recalled April, who had left, vowing to destroy this system.

‘April, more power to you….’

Damn it, I can’t believe I’m rooting for that lunatic.

But unlike her, I had no intention of trying to dismantle this world myself. I’d cheer her on quietly from the sidelines.

‘I swear, once I’m discharged, I’ll live a quiet, uneventful life….’

"Salvia."

"Yes?"

Winter’s sudden call snapped me out of my thoughts, and I flinched, startled, as I looked up.

"Focus."

"Yes, sir!"

Reflecting on it, this was a dangerous guard shift where my life could be on the line. Perhaps I’d let my mind wander a little too much while thinking about Winter’s past.

I refocused my gaze, sharpening my eyes toward the barbed-wire fence.

Then, I spotted it—a giant snake, slithering over the right side of the fence. Its purple body was speckled with yellow spots, a clear sign it was a monster.

"Monster spotted. Engaging now."

Bang!

When it comes to survival, speed is key. The monster’s body lost its strength and slipped off the fence, hitting the ground below. I let out a sigh of relief.

Watching me, Winter offered a rare compliment. "You handled that calmly. Well done, Salvia. Keep it up."

"Thank you, sir."

The atmosphere had just started to feel a bit warmer when Winter suddenly asked, "Salvia, you…"

"Yes?"

"How have you lived until now?"

"Excuse me?"

"I shared my story. Now, I’d like to hear yours. But if you’re uncomfortable, you don’t have to share."

"Ah…"

I stood there, stunned, my mouth hanging open.

Winter had asked the heroine a similar question in the original story. Back then, he’d grilled Dalin about her life at the duke’s estate.

But being asked the same question as the original heroine didn’t make me happy or excited.

‘How have I lived?’

What could I possibly say to that?

I had vague memories of Salvia’s past before I inhabited her body, but since I hadn’t lived through those moments myself, they held no real emotional weight for me.

‘I can’t exactly talk about my life before reincarnating, either.’

What was I supposed to say? “Well, Winter, my hobby used to be reading novels with characters that look like you. That’s why you seem familiar and not at all intimidating, hoho.”

No way. Never.

"I… I don’t really know," I finally said, uttering something that sounded utterly ridiculous, even to me.

But Winter, in typical fashion, took it in stride. "I see. Understood."

‘Damn it… this feels like writing a self-introduction essay.’

Feeling like I needed to add something more, I hesitated for a moment before continuing.

"I grew up in an orphanage. It was… alright, I guess. Nothing special."

The original Salvia had grown up isolated from others because she was an Arkon.

"But honestly, it was better than this place," I added with a wry smile, shrugging nonchalantly. "I just want to get discharged as soon as possible. Anywhere is better than here."

That was all I could say about my so-called past.

I couldn’t talk about my life on Earth, either. The only thing I remembered from that time was my name.

‘At least I remember my name… I should be grateful for that much.’

It was the most precious memory I had, and yet it was something I couldn’t share with anyone. My name would remain quietly tucked away in the corner of my heart.

***

After that, guard duty continued.

I grew somewhat accustomed to it and stopped fearing it altogether. Of course, being assigned night or early morning shifts was still the absolute worst.

Unlike Winter, other seniors displayed a more relaxed attitude during guard duty. I chatted with them more freely, which helped me grow closer to them.

“Damn, I want to desert…” I muttered to myself as I headed to the mess hall.

Today, I had a shift at noon, so I had to scarf down my lunch as quickly as possible. Damn it.

Watching me from behind, Milphy turned to Benny with a serious look on his face.

“Benny, don’t you think Salvia’s gaze has been… more intense lately?”

It was his roundabout way of saying, Doesn’t she seem like she’s losing it?

“Yes… Salvia is an excellent senior… though sometimes, when things happen, the way she expresses herself freely… it’s surprising,” Benny replied.

In other words, she appreciated how I looked out for her but was startled when she overheard me cursing whenever extra work piled up.

“Guard duty must really be taking its toll,” Milphy mused.

“Yes, it seems like it changes people,” Benny agreed.

They exchanged glances and nodded in unison, both coming to the same conclusion.

Let’s avoid catching her attention at all costs. She’s clearly losing it.

***

D-2098 until discharge.

“I need sugar…” I muttered, leaning against Aquila after finishing my shift.

“I want a brioche. I want a lemon cake. I want a financier…”

Those were the pastries I used to eat all the time before I got thrown into this world. I hadn’t tasted anything remotely like them since arriving.

Damn it. How is it that I’m in a romance fantasy world, but I can’t even have Western desserts?

Frustrated, I buried my face into Aquila’s shoulder. When my blood sugar drops, I get cranky and exhausted. If there’s a gap between finishing guard duty and meal times, my condition quickly deteriorates.

“You want something sweet?” Aquila asked.

“Yeah… I feel like I’m gonna die, damn it…” I mumbled, my face still buried in his shoulder. Aquila gently patted my head, the warmth helping to stabilize me somewhat.

“Salvia!” Benny’s voice suddenly called out.

Everything felt like a chore, so I didn’t respond. I just stayed still.

“Oh, here you are—oh my!” Benny’s voice was laced with surprise as I looked up, only to see her wide-eyed, staring at us.

“S-Sorry! Please continue whatever you were doing….”

“No, no, hold on.”

I could tell exactly what kind of misunderstanding she was having, but I knew trying to explain wouldn’t convince her.

Usually, Benny wore the most innocent expression, but right now, she looked delighted, as if she had just witnessed something monumental.

“Oh, how perfect…”

“What?” I asked, frowning.

“Huh? I didn’t say anything.”

“Yes, you did. What did you just say?”

“N-Nothing at all!” Benny stammered, clearly denying her own muttered words. I decided to let it slide.

“Why were you looking for me?” I asked.

“Oh, a new recruit arrived. I was wondering if you’d seen them.”

“I don’t care about new recruits. Half of them die anyway.”

Benny’s expression shifted, becoming somewhat complicated.

“This time, it’s only one recruit.”

“Whatever. If they survive three months, then I’ll consider getting to know them.”

“…If I may share my thoughts…” Benny said cautiously, “this recruit is definitely going to survive.”

“Why? Are they a prodigy?”

“You’ll see for yourself….”

She kept insisting I meet the recruit, so I begrudgingly dragged Aquila along to where the new recruit was training.

When we arrived, we saw other soldiers hiding and watching the training session, murmuring in awe.

“Whoa…” I found myself whispering in astonishment as I caught sight of the recruit.

Even Aquila, who usually frowned at my interest in juniors, nodded slightly in agreement. It was impossible not to be impressed.

“This new recruit is really…” I trailed off, searching for the right words before giving up and saying what came to mind.

“Really strong.”

The recruit was an enormous man with a muscular physique, a rugged face, and a thick beard. He radiated sheer power.

“…What’s his name?” I asked.

“Sanchez,” Benny replied.

“Sanchez…” I repeated, marveling for a moment before blurting out, “Even his name sounds strong.”

That was the only thing I could think to say.

Sanchez looked like a seasoned war veteran. His gray hair, wolf-like gray eyes, and bushy gray beard were the kind of features you’d expect from a warrior in a wuxia novel. His massive muscles made it clear that a single punch from him could probably send someone to the afterlife.

Even during the grueling training session led by Sergeant El, Sanchez didn’t appear to be struggling at all. In fact, he looked as if he found the exercises almost trivial.

I suddenly felt sorry for the sergeants tasked with supervising him. If it were me, I’d be too intimidated to even think about scolding him.

In the army, rank is everything, but sometimes, you just have to pick your battles.

“How old is he?” I asked, staring at his weathered face that looked like it had endured decades of hardship.

Benny gave an answer that made me choke.

“He’s the same age as me.”

“Pfft! Cough, cough!” I sputtered, nearly choking on my own spit. Aquila gently patted my back, while Benny blushed and giggled mischievously.

Why does she act so calm and reserved most of the time, only to behave like this at moments like these?

“How old are you again, Benny?” I asked.@@novelbin@@

“Eighteen.”

Right. Benny was a year younger than me—just eighteen.

And Sanchez was eighteen too? The same age as Benny? The same age as Karon?

“Kids these days grow up so fast…” I muttered in disbelief.

“Man, other people’s kids are so mature…” I said, thinking of Karon, who was still clingy and constantly demanding my attention.

“You coddle him too much,” Aquila chimed in.

I almost argued back, but Benny’s mischievous grin stopped me.

Seriously, is there another soul possessing her during moments like this?