My Wife Came From A Thousand Years Ago

Chapter 200: Before, I was holding straw sandals

When a person is truly desperate, they can do anything.

Except math.

Nine years of compulsory education had dulled the innocence in Jiang He’s eyes.

For an ancient person to deal with Xiao Ming’s bizarre and roundabout math problems every day—it was enough to give anyone a headache. Xu Qing only planned for her to study up to middle school for now. High school could wait until she developed an interest—if she wanted to learn, great; if not, no big deal. After all… the nine-year compulsory education was about ensuring a basic livelihood, while high school was more about preparing for college.

Ever since that one time during a livestream when she casually typed out "A warrior as swift as the wind," Jiang He had been gaining more and more fans. Some people even clipped that moment and edited it together with clips of her dominating opponents in the duel arena. Although the game itself wasn’t that popular and only had a niche audience, in the grand scheme of things, their quirky little livestream room was barely a blip on the radar. But within the DNF (Dungeon & Fighter) game section, they were starting to gain some traction.

Her Female Ghostblade—equipped with only a single wing, a pair of event shoes, and a Christmas hat, wielding a fake purple-tier weapon—was practically unstoppable below 1,300 rating. She had stormed her way past 1,400, and now at 1,500 points, her progress was slowing.

Now that they had a decent foundation of popularity, things were getting interesting. Not to mention the freeloading troublemaker sitting next to her, always pulling off some ridiculous antics. Xu Qing’s meme edits had even started hitting the front page.

Was this one of those unintentional successes?

Originally, every day was easygoing, everything predictable, life in an ideal state where he could do whatever he felt like. Even though this hadn’t really changed anything yet, he knew that if he didn’t take action, he might regret it in the future. If he wanted to seize this opportunity, he had to put in some effort. From this point on, his life would deviate from its previously steady course.

Being carefree didn’t mean drifting aimlessly. He always had a rough plan for the future, but now, it was time to rethink things.

He glanced at Jiang He. The lady knight wasn’t thinking that deeply. As long as she had food, warm clothes, and the occasional opportunity to mess with Xu Qing, life was great.

No matter what, now that their momentum was building, they had to strike while the iron was hot. Pumping out a few more high-quality videos would yield twice the results with half the effort. First, he needed to turn this opportunity into real profit—then he’d think about the rest.

Xu Qing absentmindedly played with Jiang He’s small foot, using his free hand to click around on the computer. Meanwhile, Jiang He was completely absorbed in her novel.

Late into the night, Xu Wenbin was still awake, struggling to find the right words.

Xu Qing’s guess had been spot on—the call earlier had been a spur-of-the-moment impulse. Xu Wenbin had initially planned to catch Xu Qing red-handed, expose the fact that he had been secretly livestreaming, and then lecture him hard when he inevitably tried to argue his way out.

But Xu Qing had admitted everything without hesitation.

Now, Xu Wenbin didn’t even know how to lecture him…

Outrageous!

It was like those two elderly ladies who lived across the street, who had spent half their lives arguing. Then one day, just as one of them was about to start an argument, the other simply agreed, nodding quietly in acknowledgment. ŕἁΝọＢÊᶊ

The sheer frustration!

Xu Qing wasn’t rambling nonsense or making excuses—how bizarre…

“What are you staring at your phone for?” Zhou Suzhi gently blew on her cup of honey water before taking a sip, glancing at Xu Wenbin, who was lost in thought.

Xu Wenbin snapped back to reality and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“What did Xu Qing come over for today? Just to show off about being in the newspaper?”

The newspaper was still spread out on the table. Xu Qing had originally wanted to frame it and hang it in the study, but Xu Wenbin had chased him away. On his way out, Xu Qing had even taken a durian with him.

“He said if we give him the old house, he’ll get married and give us a grandchild.”

“That’s great!” Zhou Suzhi’s eyes lit up. She scooted closer, nudging him with her shoulder. “Then just give it to him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s still too young to be a dad.”

“You were about the same age when I got pregnant.”

“…That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“…”

Xu Wenbin thought for a moment, then unlocked his phone and pulled up a meme:

"Me vs. My Parents at My Age"

Parents at 25:

💪 Built like a bodybuilder

🍼 Raising 1-2 children

🔥 Full of energy

🏛 Serving their country

⏰ Waking up at 5 AM

Me at 25:

💀 A complete mess

😵 "I’m dying"

😴 "So tired"

🥱 "Why am I so exhausted"

😭 "I don’t wanna move…"

A perfect representation.

Zhou Suzhi nearly spat out her honey water, quickly grabbing a tissue to wipe her mouth.

“Since when did you know how to find stuff like this? Where’d you get it? This is hilarious.”

“Hmph.”

Xu Wenbin glanced at her phone screen, which showed a meme of a cheers-for-friendship toast, and scoffed.

Young people these days… all they do is mess around online.

…But, honestly? This was kinda fun.

“Just browsing online, you’ll find tons of these. Even that kid posts them sometimes—wait, what’s this?” Xu Wenbin clicked on Lazy Lord Qing’s profile and noticed a newly uploaded video.

As soon as he hit play, Xu Qing’s processed voice filled the room:

"May you catch a glimpse of the dawn before the cold iron dulls its edge…"

"I usually don’t like to nitpick, but…"

"The skin smoothing effect makes her look like a ghost. Just look at the female lead’s deathly pale face compared to the others around her—completely different art styles, don’t you think?"

"And this is supposed to be a wuxia film? WUXIA? This is an insult! My dad’s belt whooping me was more wuxia than this!"

Xu Wenbin’s eyebrow twitched.

“…Was I really that harsh when I used a belt on him?”

“I don’t remember, but I do remember him crying a lot.”

“…”

“Why did your dad hit you with a belt?”

Jiang He had just come back from a shower when she overheard Xu Qing watching his own video, catching that exact moment in the playback.

“Oh, tons of reasons,” Xu Qing said casually. “Like setting off firecrackers next to Qin Hao, making him reek of dog crap… or skewering all the fish from our fish tank for a barbecue…”

He scrolled through the video analytics—just three hours since posting, and it already had tens of thousands of views.

Bingo. Jackpot.

He had caught onto a trending topic at just the right time.

「Requesting a belt-whipping video」

「Low physical damage, but high emotional trauma」

「True, even chaotic beatdowns look more intense than this lame duel choreography」

A flood of bullet comments filled the screen. In just three hours, his follower count had jumped by thousands, with a 10:1 share-to-comment ratio.

Unexpectedly popular.

“Let’s go to bed.”

After skimming through some comments, Xu Qing ignored the ones disagreeing with him. If someone wanted to nitpick, every show had its flaws.@@novelbin@@

But calling this "faithful to the source material" or "visually stunning"? He just felt sorry for those people.

Shutting off the computer, the two of them headed to the bedroom together.

Jiang He sat on the bed, shifting uncomfortably.

She had just washed some of her small clothes while showering and, out of habit, had wanted to hang them in the bedroom. Then she realized—Xu Qing was here too. So, she ended up hanging everything in the storeroom instead.

“Where’s your dart?”

“For what?”

“Put it in here. All the little things you don’t need right now, like your nail clippers, ear pick… and even this bus card. Put them all in here. That way, everything looks neat and tidy.”

Xu Qing was by the windowsill, arranging an iron basket. He had made it himself, and since it was there, it had to be useful. Storing little things in it made the space feel more organized—more like a home.

“This basket isn’t meant for grocery shopping. It’s for storage. And this bus card, you can carry it when you go out. That way, you don’t have to scan your phone every time.”

Hearing this, Jiang He sorted through her things and tossed all the small items inside. Even her small plush bear ended up in the basket—only leaving the big bear on the bed. It did look a lot more orderly now.

“I think this sword is pretty useless. If you roll over in your sleep, it’s just going to poke you.”

Having tidied up, Xu Qing leaned back on the bed, stretching out comfortably. Then he reached for the giant plush bear he had won at the amusement park and placed it in the middle.

“This way, you won’t have to sleep so far away from me, right?”

“Hm, this works.” Jiang He nodded in approval.

Xu Qing felt quite proud of his own cleverness.

“You can snuggle the bear, and I’ll snuggle the bear. This way, we don’t have to touch each other.”

The bed was big enough for the two of them, even with the giant plushie in the middle.

Seeing Jiang He’s freshly washed face, soft and dewy, Xu Qing restrained his impulses—he had to be patient. No rushing things.

He had been planning for this since winter. Now, finally, they were living together.

Patience was the most important quality of a seasoned farmer.

“I’m turning off the lights.” Jiang He reached for the light switch.

“You always sleep in total darkness? Actually, there’s a small nightlight.”

“I don’t need it,” she said.

“Nightlights are useful. They prevent it from being too dark. If you need to get up in the middle of the night or… for other things, it’s convenient…”

Other things?

Jiang He suddenly became suspicious. “What other things?”

“Nothing! I was just talking about the nightlight. It’s a very practical feature. I was just asking if you wanted it on.” Xu Qing explained. “Most people leave one on when they sleep. I used to as well—”

“Liar. You never used one.”

“…Fine, not when I was alone. Wait… hold on?” Xu Qing frowned and turned to look at Jiang He.

“What?” Jiang He instinctively tensed up under his gaze.

“How do you know I never used one?”

“…I—I guessed.”

“You guessed?” Xu Qing didn’t believe her at all.

“This is the curse of knowledge. I can’t explain how I know.” Jiang He spoke seriously, then swiftly flicked the light switch, plunging the room into darkness.

She pulled up her blanket, reaching out to feel the big bear in the middle. “Go to sleep.”

Xu Qing didn’t move.

Something wasn’t right.

“Now that I think about it… last time, I vaguely remember feeling something in my room late at night…”

“It wasn’t me!”

“…”

It was definitely her.

“You snuck into my room in the middle of the night. What were you trying to do?” he asked.

“I did NOT sneak in.”

“That’s a lie! I always let you know when I enter your room, but you—sneaking into mine in the middle of the night to do who knows what…”

“I didn’t!” Jiang He was furious. “I was just checking if you were warm enough!”

“…”

Xu Qing’s heart skipped a beat.

Neither of them spoke for a moment. The room fell silent.

Across the giant plush bear, it felt like they could hear each other breathing.

After a while, Jiang He rolled over, staring at Xu Qing’s silhouette in the darkness.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“…Didn’t you say we’re sleeping?”

“Oh. Then let’s sleep.” Jiang He lay back down.

She blinked. She wasn’t sleepy at all. She slowed her breathing, trying to listen to Xu Qing’s movements.

Damn it, Jiang He! You got caught sneaking into his room! Be more careful next time!

“…Actually, I’ve been planning this since winter.”

Xu Qing suddenly spoke.

“…Planning what?” Jiang He blinked.

“Switching rooms. Summer is too hot—you definitely wouldn’t have agreed to move out of the storeroom. So I switched with you first. Then, by the time summer came, I moved in here. By then, you wouldn’t object.”

“Oh.”

Jiang He responded flatly. She had already figured it out.

“…We’re finally sleeping in the same bed. Goodnight, lady knight.”

Xu Qing chuckled softly, fingertips tracing the plastic gem on the plush bear’s nose.

“Want to hold hands?”

“Nope. Goodnight.” Jiang He turned over, facing the window.

So… now they were sleeping together.

If Xu Qing suddenly pounced on her in the middle of the night, how should she beat him up?

Should she make him wear chainmail first?

Or maybe…

No, he wouldn’t dare. That guy wouldn’t pounce on her. Even if he did, she could easily pin him down.

Just as she was thinking, she suddenly felt something brush against her foot.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“You’re the one who crossed over and touched me.” Xu Qing shifted slightly, lightly bumping his foot against hers.

“…Did I?”

Jiang He muttered, stretching out her legs. That way, she wouldn’t accidentally cross into his space again.

Hmph. It was just a little bit over the line…

She turned over again and stretched her foot toward Xu Qing’s side.

Her toes brushed against his leg.

No reaction.

She lightly nudged him again.

“…Are you seducing me?” Xu Qing’s voice sounded amused in the darkness.

“Who’s seducing you?!”

Jiang He yanked her foot back immediately.

She stared at the ceiling, feeling wide awake.

Just as she was about to close her eyes, she suddenly felt Xu Qing’s foot gently bump against hers.

Her eyes snapped open.

“…What are you trying to do?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “Be careful, or I’ll kick you off the bed.”

“So you’re allowed to touch me, but I can’t touch you? What kind of double standard is this?”

“It was an accident!” Jiang He retorted.

“Then my foot just accidentally bumped into yours too.”

Before she could argue, Xu Qing’s foot ended up trapped between hers. Neither of them moved.

“By the way, do you know how snakes mate?” Xu Qing suddenly asked.

“…What?” Jiang He was still idly rubbing her foot against his.

“When snakes want to have babies, they tangle their tails together, kind of like how our feet are now.”

Jiang He froze. Her toes curled up. Then she quickly reacted—

“We’re not snakes!”

“Exactly. So we won’t have babies. You can just give me your hand instead. I sleep better when I’m holding something.”

“…Then how did you sleep before?” Jiang He didn’t buy it.

“I used to hug your straw shoes at night. Why do you think I always kept them by my bed?”

“…?!”

“…?!”

“You pervert!” Jiang He finally exploded.

But in the end, she still reached out her hand.

Xu Qing took it, pressing a light kiss onto the back of her hand.

At least he likes my hand more than my shoes…

Jiang He thought to herself.