Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 338 - 338: Emergency (Up All Night)

[Edward POV]

Holding my phone against my ear, I talked with Haley as I walked to her house.

"Mom's planning something. I'm sure of it," Haley said worriedly. Scrunching my eyebrows, I replied, "I think maybe she stumbled into something? You cleaned up your sheets yourself, right?"

"After we did stuff? Yeah, I threw them into the laundry immediately," Haley replied innocently.

"And?" I asked, a little worried. "You washed them yourself, right?" I continued hinting.

Haley went silent for a moment before she replied hesitantly, "Well...."

I rubbed my forehead in frustration and said, "It's fine. It might not be about that. Maybe she just wants to do an intervention or something. Or a goodbye dinner with the whole family."

Haley's tone fell flat as she said, "I guess. Um," She suddenly thought of something and added, "Mom is at Uncle Mitchell's house for now. He wants to ferberize Lily, so she's helping him. If you come in early, we... have the entire house to ourselves."

"What about your siblings? And your dad?" I asked with a slight chuckle.

Haley replied, dead serious, "Mom's the only one I'm worried about. Dad won't even notice. Wait, I see you! I'm opening the door— Nope, I cannot. We have to still pretend. Just ring the doorbell, and I can come to greet you."

She waited in the living room for a while since she knew I was coming. Her parents were hiding the truth from her, so she had to pretend she didn't know anything about it.

As I rang the doorbell, I heard Alex's excited voice from inside, "I'll get it!" As she opened the door, her expression deflated, "Oh, it's you."

Behind her, Haley looked at Alex with disbelief. I asked Alex, "Who did you expect?"

"Finneas. My mom invited him for dinner. I guess she invited you too." Alex guessed accurately and invited me inside, "Come on in. Mom and Dad are outside right now, so you should go back first."

"I should go back?" I looked at Alex incredulously.

Alex smirked, "Yeah. Without my parents around, I guess it'll be too hard for you to be in the same place as Haley. Or am I wrong, and you've already moved on emotionally?"

Speechless for a moment, I realized Alex might have noticed something from her teasing expression. I said, "Sure. I'll go back home. I was just dropping by to be polite. Since they aren't here, they can't blame me for leaving."

Flabbergasted, Alex grabbed my shirt to stop me from turning around, "Wait. Co— Come in! You ARE NOT going to put the blame on me for this!"

"I really can't stay," I replied again. Alex stammered and rushed to call her mother, "I'll tell them to come back quickly. Just wait here!"

I walked into the house and flashed a victorious smile at Haley before turning to Alex again, "Can't I just go back now? You can tell them I dropped by."

"No! Just wait! They'll be back soon." Alex stammered before she was interrupted by another guest. Finneas walked to the open door and greeted casually, causing Alex to flinch.

"Hey, sweet pea," Finneas called. Alex grimaced and said, "I vetoed that. You cannot call me that, ever."

"Okay, chickpea," Finneas teased as Alex grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. "Nice timing! You can wait with Edward and keep an eye on him until my parents get here."

She shoved him toward me and ordered, "You guys wait in the den. Watch some TV if you want."

"What are you going to do?" Finneas asked.

"I'm going to call my mom," Alex replied before running to the kitchen.

Finneas looked at me in confusion, "Why are you here?"

"For the pizzas," I replied vaguely and added, "You could've just come here from my place."

"I would've if I knew I was coming here," Finneas retorted. He looked at me and said, "I'm very nervous. This is the first time I'm going to spend time with Alex's parents."

I nodded in understanding, "It will be weird if you're not nervous. Why don't you go check on Alex? I'll handle the awkward conversation with that girl." I pointed at Haley, continuing, "Of course, if you want to back me up, I'd really appreciate it."

"And take part in the weirdness between you two? No thanks! Alex, where are you?" Finneas said before rushing to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Haley.

Haley smiled giddily and approached me, wrapping her arms around mine and giving me a kiss. "Hi. I missed you," she whispered.

I whispered back, "I missed you too. And I'm worried about what your mom has planned."

...

As I walked into the kitchen, I saw ingredients halfway prepared on the kitchen island. I asked Alex, who was trying to reach her mother, "What does your mom plan to make?"

"I don't know," Alex replied anxiously before disconnecting the call. "She's not answering."

"She must be on her way back," Finneas commented. Haley, seeing me studying the ingredients, used a mocking tone. "Why are you trying to help prep the ingredients? You can't keep your nose out of other people's business again?"

I shot back, "Would you rather we wait until your mom comes back and starts everything from scratch, or have me be a little nosy and help her so I can get out of here earlier?"

Alex was taken aback by our tone and fell into thought.

[Alex's Commentary]

"Wait. Was I wrong? Do they really loathe each other now?" Alex wondered, furrowing her brows. "The air around them is making me really uncomfortable."

[Commentary Ends]

"I guess your mother wants to make some roast beef. Alex, Finneas, spoiled brat, come and help me. We can get this done sooner." I said as I put on an apron.

Haley breathed heavily, her eyes dazed as she watched me fold my sleeves, but quickly shook it off when she noticed Alex staring at her. "I'm not spoiled."

"Bet you can't even cook," I said, handing her a knife from afar. Haley grumbled and stomped her feet as she moved toward me, grabbing the knife forcefully. "Move! This is my house; I'll do it," she ordered, pushing me away with her hips.

I chuckled but quickly hid my reaction from Alex and Finneas, maintaining a cold expression. "Alex, I need you to clean the vegetables. Finneas, boil some water for the spaghetti. Haley... just don't get in the way."

Within five minutes, the kitchen became a well-oiled machine. "Alex! Wrap the fillings inside the cabbage and steam them after you finish washing them!" I ordered.

"Yes, Chef!" Alex replied.

"Finneas! I'm making Aglio Olio. I can do seafood or regular. Which one do you want?" I asked rapidly. "Do you have any seafood allergies?" Finneas muttered a quick "No," before I cut him off. "We're having seafood Aglio Olio. Haley! Clean some mussels."

"We don't have any mussels!" Haley replied with an attitude, holding the knife with a relaxed wrist.

"There's some at my place. LUKE! COME ON DOWN HERE!" I shouted hurriedly. Luke rushed into the kitchen, casually greeting me, "Oh, you're here, Edward. I'm playing a game—"

I handed him my house keys. "I need some mussels, mushrooms, and ask Max where the freshly baked bread is. I need it back here within ten minutes. Now go!"

Luke was taken aback but quickly ran off, agreeing, "Ok—okay."

"Shoot! Alex, have you finished with the cabbages?" I asked hurriedly. Alex placed the metal bowl filled with cleaned cabbage leaves down within two seconds.

As everyone focused on their tasks, Haley nudged me secretly. "I can cook! And I'm not spoiled."

I whispered back, "I didn't mean it. It's all just an act. Now clean the seafood for me, please. I need it in five minutes." I said before giving her a playful slap on the behind. Haley was taken aback, then grinned in disbelief, pointing the knife at me again. I gently grabbed her hand and lowered the knife. "You really need to be careful where you're pointing that."

"Oh, is the poor little baby scared of a little knife?" Haley teased in a baby voice. I looked at her incredulously, which stunned her. She turned and started chopping the vegetables quickly.

I leaned in and whispered to her ear, "Don't be too cute. I might blow our cover and take you right here on the kitchen island." Haley blushed and stammered incredulously but I already moved on to Finneas to check on the spaghetti.

In How I Met Your Mother, they proposed the Dobler-Dahmer theory. Ted Mosby explained that a romantic advance could be "Dobler or Dahmer"; it's charming if the recipient finds it charming (Dobler), but creepy if they don't (Dahmer).

I usually hated baby talk and playing around in the kitchen, but I couldn't get enough of her doing that.

We made stuffed cabbage rolls, seafood Aglio Olio, pot roast, steamed eggplant with chili garlic dressing, rolled eggs, and stuffed calamari. Luke even returned with cakes from Max for dessert.

The dining table was filled with various dishes, and we all sat around, waiting for Claire and Phil to return. Since the table only seated six, we had to add a circular one at the end for Luke and me. Alex and Finneas wanted to sit together, and Luke joined them, leaving only Haley and me on the other side of the table.

"They are really late. It's been almost an hour," Alex said, a slight smudge on her cheek. Finneas took a napkin and gently wiped it off for her, making her blush.

Haley, feeling a bit jealous, shot me a glare. I ignored her and asked Luke, "Did you eat some cupcakes while we were cooking?"

Luke replied, green and yellow frosting smeared around his mouth, "No. I didn't."

"Really? Are you sure?" I asked playfully. Alex looked at him and scolded, "You have frosting on your lips, you dumbass."

We all laughed as Luke frantically tried to wipe off the evidence. Just then, Claire and Phil finally returned. "Alex, honey, I'm so sorry. I put my phone on airplane mode by accident and didn't see your texts until I was on my way home."

As Claire walked into the kitchen, she was stunned to see the ready meals on the dining table. Phil followed behind, phone to his ear, asking, "I'm ordering pizzas—Wait, the meals are already done?"

"Yeah, we all worked together to make it," Alex said excitedly. Claire melted a bit at the gesture. "Aw, I'm really sorry, you guys. We would've gotten back sooner if your dad hadn't had a stomach ache."

"Turns out, it's just gas," Phil added, which made everyone except me exclaim in disgust. "Ewwww."

"Honey, are you sure we don't have to go to the ER?" Claire whispered to Phil worriedly.

"No, it's really fine. It's not hurting anymore," Phil replied calmly. Then it clicked for me.

With the ferberizing and Phil's abdominal pain, we were currently in the episode "Up All Night."

"Maybe it's kidney stones. You should go to the doctor," I said to Phil with a worried expression.

Alex grinned and said, "I'll call 911. Maybe the firemen will come."

"NO!" Phil immediately stopped her from getting up. Haley perked up at the mention of firemen, and I stared at her. "Oh, so you have a crush on the hot firemen too?" I teased.

Taken aback, Haley replied defensively, "No. I'm just worried about my dad."

"You're smiling from ear to ear, and you're even blushing a bit," I pointed out.

"It's a smile of worry!" she insisted anxiously.

"And the blush is sympathy?" I added mockingly.

[Haley's Commentary]

"I wasn't blushing because of the firemen," she confessed. Then she added shyly, "I accidentally imagined Edward wearing fireman clothes, but his top is— Anyway, I'm not thinking of the firemen!"

[Commentary Ends]

"Edward, are you jealous?" Alex snickered at me. I told her, "You better check on your boyfriend before backing up your sister."

Alex turned to Finneas and saw him picking at his bread with a depressed expression. She panicked, "Wait. Finn, you're definitely hotter than them."

"Don't lie," Finneas said, defeated. "It just makes me seem more pathetic."

[Phil's Commentary]

"The firemen in our town have a reputation for being hot," he said with a worried expression. "Do I resent that? Of course not. These guys are my friends. I play basketball with them. I bake for 'em. I never bought any of their calendars, but that's just because I know they have other charities going on for them—not because I felt threatened and didn't want their pictures in my house."

[Commentary Ends]

"We should start dinner, or else the food will get cold," I suggested, trying to preserve what was left of Finneas's dignity.

Phil jumped at the invitation. "Don't mind if I do. What do we have here?"

"Oh, you mixed different cuisines together?" Claire asked, pointing at the spaghetti. "Italian," she said, then pointed at the stuffed cabbage and steamed eggplant, "Chinese," and finally at the egg rolls and calamari, "Japanese?"

"Western," I said, pointing at the pot roast playfully. "I thought you guys would come back early, so I pumped out several easy dishes. I didn't think you'd take almost an hour. I could've made more if I knew."

"No, this is more than what Claire usually makes. She wanted to make a pot roast and a salad for tonight's dinner—" Phil excitedly began, but stopped when Claire glared at him.

"It'll probably taste better than Mom's too," Luke chimed in, which made Claire flabbergasted. "Luke!" she exclaimed. Everyone laughed, and after saying grace, we began to devour the food.

While we ate, I suddenly flinched as I sensed something riding up my pants. I turned to Haley immediately, and she pretended not to know anything.

"So, Edward," Claire began, noticing my gaze on Haley. "What do you think about Haley?"

Everyone froze, except for Luke, who was still inhaling his food. Alex dropped her fork, producing a loud clatter. She gasped loudly, watching the drama unfold.

Haley widened her eyes in astonishment and stood up, yelling at her mother, "Why—why—why are you even asking that?!"

Claire placed her utensils down and wiped her mouth with a green napkin before continuing, "Well, Edward is a smart kid. I'm sure he already knew my intention of inviting him here, so I'm not going to waste his time."

"I think Haley's cute," I replied honestly, making Haley stammer in disbelief as her face turned slightly reddish.

Claire nodded and asked again, "Is that why you asked her out? Just because she's cute? There are a lot of cute girls around you, so why not ask them out?"

"MOM!" Haley yelled in shock. Phil suddenly groaned in pain, but it passed quickly. "I'm okay," he said as everyone looked at him.

"Because they are not her," I replied curtly. Haley was stunned, her eyes sparkling with happiness. She looked at me intently, making me think, You remember we are dating right now, right?

Greatly satisfied with my answer, Claire finally said, "Well, after thinking about it, I realized that I have been unfairly trying to keep you two away from each other. But I'm not going to interfere anymore. You guys should sort this out on your own after dinner. I give you my blessing."

Haley and I breathed in relief, not because of the blessing, but because Claire wouldn't bring this up anymore.

"We're not going to change our minds just because you give us your blessings," Haley said to her mother, but Claire ignored her.

Alex cackled and teased, "Good for you guys. Now you don't have an excuse anymore."

"Why are you giddy? It's your turn now," I told Alex, making her freeze.

Claire then turned to Alex and Finneas, doing the same thing to them. It was fun to watch when you weren't the one on the spot. Finneas was sweating heavily, and Alex paled at Claire's questioning. He got interrogated at the dinner table while I got away easily.

Phil didn't join the conversation as he fought back pain, and I finally decided to speak up. Even though I wanted to see if Claire would flirt with the firemen later, it would be better if Phil went to the hospital sooner rather than later.

"Phil, you know, I was reading an interesting medical article recently," I said, pretending to recall the information. Alex was interested but too drained to join the conversation.

"It's about kidney stones," I hinted. "The article discussed malpractice in inserting a tube into the urethra for kidney stone extraction, which made it swollen for months."

"What's swollen?" Haley asked. I hinted at her with my eyes, making her realize it. Phil and Claire were flabbergasted, and Claire said, "Edward, that's not an appropriate topic to discuss at a dinner table."

"I'm not discussing anything. I just think it's sad for the patient. Because of what happened to him, he couldn't do anything for months, and his wife got a little lonely."

"Stop!" Alex covered her eyes and blushed. Phil was listening intently and asked, "But his wife waited until he recovered, and they lived happily ever after?"

"No. She left him to be with a fireman," I replied. It was all made up, like coaxing a little kid to go to bed, but in this case, it was an adult kid.

"If he actually gets there a little early, they can use a shockwave to break down the stones, and he can pass them easily without any extra assistance. But since he was too stubborn, he lost everything," I said with a sympathetic expression.

Claire looked at me in disbelief. "Ed, that was a blatantly obvious lie. No one's going to believe you—"

"Honey, I think I need to go to the doctor right now. Can you call 911?" Phil said quickly.

"Phil!" Claire looked at him in disbelief, but before she could rebuke him, I asked, "Claire, do you really want him to suffer in pain? I think it's better for you to drive him to the ER now. That way you'll save some money on the ambulance."

"It's covered (groan) by insurance," Phil said as he convulsed in pain. His children rushed to him, calling out worriedly, "Dad!"

"I'll call 911 now!" Claire said hurriedly. "Just drive me there!" Phil begged. Claire relented and grabbed Phil's arm to help him walk. "Kids, I'm bringing your dad to the hospital. Haley, you're in charge until I come back. Finneas, honey, it's nice to meet you. Edward, sort it out with Haley."

Claire and Phil left the house in a hurry. Luke watched his parents drive away and asked, "Will Dad be okay?" The sky was still bright outside, but it was nearing sunset.

"It's fine. It's just kidney stones," I said, patting his head to comfort him.

"How can you be so sure of that?" Alex asked skeptically.

I grinned and replied, "Because I know the future. Or do you want to make a bet with me again?"

"No. I'm never going to make a bet with you again." Alex shook her head and retreated.

"Coward," I teased, which made her fume in anger. Suddenly, Haley said, "Alex, why don't you bring your boyfriend out for a walk?"

"What?!" Alex grimaced. Finneas, a bit excited, said, "Yeah, I could use that. I think I ate too much."

"But–" Alex tried to protest, so I whispered to her, "It's a romantic walk, you dumbass."

Alex froze and exclaimed in realization, "Oh. Um. I think I need to walk it off too. But what about the dishes?"

"Luke can handle that," Haley replied.

"Hey!" Luke protested. "It's not like you did much during the cooking." He shot back at Haley.

Haley gasped in offense. "You know what? Mom let me be in charge, so I'm grounding you. Go to your room!"

"Fine! At least I don't have to do the dishes!" Luke said as he stomped up the stairs. I looked at Haley with disbelief, wondering if she planned that or if Luke had really outsmarted her.

"Ugh!" Haley stomped her foot in frustration. Alex immediately grabbed Finneas's arm, and they went for a walk outside.

"Don't go too far!" I called after them. Finneas waved back, but Alex grimaced and said, "You're not my dad! Don't tell me what to do!"

"Robin will protect you guys!" I added, not minding Alex's quips. A stealth drone flew out of the house to follow Alex and Finneas. This was a relatively safe neighborhood, but it wouldn't hurt to be cautious.

After everyone left, I helped Haley load the dishwasher in the kitchen. Not really helping, I stood by her side, teasing her.

"I can't believe you let Luke get the best of you," I said, shaking my head slightly.

Haley slammed the dishwasher door angrily. "Shut up. It's all part of my plan. You should be afraid of my genius mind."

"Oho~ What plan?" I asked.

Haley suddenly grinned and said, "We're alone in the house right now, so am I not a genius?"

Before I could respond, she knelt on the kitchen floor and pulled my pants down. "Wait. Right here?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I can't wait anymore," Haley replied. "I've been holding myself back since you were cooking for my family."

"So this is your way of showing your gratitude?" I teased. Haley didn't say much after that.