The Extra of The Lunerra

After Alysia’s rather monotonous and short sentence, silence fell over the room again.

And I... just took a deep breath.

Everyone turned toward me as I did so.

"You all... talked about your lives in general, what you find uncomfortable and overwhelming. Memories you found funny or absurd, things you thought would be amusing. Things that happened when we couldn’t see each other. But I... I want to go back a little further."

I don’t know why, they all straightened up slightly as if a heavy air had fallen.

I hadn’t even started yet...

"Honestly... my initial purpose in forming this group was not simply to be ’friends’. And I think you all guessed that already at some point. I knew you were all important people. Adrian was ranked first, being the most powerful person. Lucia, Julian, and Celine were also powerful and came from important families. I got close to all of you with the idea that ’I should make these people close to me’. Alysia was... a bit of a bonus, no offense."

She, in fact, did not take any offense.

"And I kept thinking that way for a long time, actually. I’ve made friends with all of you, I’ve become close to you, you’re among the closest people I’ve ever been to in my life... though the number of people like that is not that high to begin with. But, short of that, my initial motive was different, and it was largely for my own benefit."

And... I started to tell.

Almost everything I’d been through.

"Sometime in our first year, when I was walking back to the dormitory in the evening... I heard something by chance."

I told them about my first encounter with Sue.

"I got a text message threatening me with my sister."

I told them what happened in our first year, during the preliminaries.

"When he died... something, a purple creature of some sort, came out of his body."

I told them how I became a wiera, and the Absolute Mind.

"I lost myself."

I told them about Justin and how he died.

And...

"I told my sister the truth."

I made a decision.

"The truth that I also decided to tell you."

I thought they had a right to know, as my ’friends’.

"That I’m not really Aiden Tenebra."

But I didn’t even pay attention to their reactions when I finished talking about that.

Because I continued.

About the attack at the academy.

Why I decided to go to Holar.

The days I spent in Caleuche.

My time as a soldier on the North Holar’s side.

What I did after I woke up from the coma.

The attack in Wiathen.

Sue and... the moment I found her covered in blood.

Almost everything I’d experienced up to this specific date.

And... they all listened to me in silence.

Not saying a word.

"Sometimes, I feel like I’m in a void."

I paused for a moment, dropped my eyes to the floor, and couldn’t help but squint as I sighed slightly.

"No, not sometimes. Every day, every hour... minute. I know what I have to do, I know my plans, but even when I do them, the way I feel is so... small that I feel like a robot, even to myself, just like Julian said so."

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It’s a strange thing, isn’t it?

To know that you are falling deeper and deeper into the darkness every day.

But not being able to do anything but accept it.

"It’s as if... everything I go through in my life pushes me further away from ’me’."

I even hesitate to call myself a human anymore.

Because I know.

When I first came into this world, knowing the future... knowing what would happen to Lunerra, I asked myself.

If I had to choose between my sister and the lives of millions of people, for example, at any point in my life... could I do it, knowing that the second option was the right one?

I know the answer now.

Right now, without hesitation, I could press the button that would send those millions of people to hell if Clara survived in that situation.

And I wouldn’t feel a thing.

If I succeed in the end, I can burn innocent people blindly... because in the end, I will feel like I have tried for the happiness of those around me, the people close to me.

No, I will simply accept that that’s how it is.

The fact that I think this way here and now won’t change anything. When the time comes, I will not even have the hesitation to make that choice.

Because I have lost someone close to me once.

And I would destroy everything else in a heartbeat not to lose anyone one more time.

And that... makes me feel nothing again, except the feeling that I am simply becoming distant from a ’human being’.

"At the end of everything, there will be two outcomes. I will succeed or I will fail. But, if I succeed... will I really have ’succeeded’? That... I don’t know."

...

"..."

Silence descended on the room, deeper and more intense than ever after my last words.

No one said a word.

Until... they realized that I was done with what I was telling them.

Honestly... I didn’t expect them to say anything, to answer my question. I didn’t expect anything like this from the very beginning. I just... wanted them to know me, who I am, and what I think, that’s all.

Still, the most unexpected thing was...

"I don’t think anyone here can give you a satisfying answer."

It was Alysia who said that.

"And I don’t think you’re really looking for answers, because you’re going to end up doing exactly what you say here eventually. And no matter what we say, you’ll end up in the same dilemma again."

She was her usual self, not a trace of emotion in her voice.

She was like me, but different from me at the same time.

Because while I was like this because I was forced to be by my skill... she was like this by her choice.

"You said you were looking for ways to become fully human again, to get rid of your skill. Even if you achieve these things... the past won’t change, you will still be doing the things you did. And after you’ve lived like that for a long time, you’re not going to go back to the way you were just because you got rid of your skill. So, logically, accepting yourself for who you are now is, at least in my opinion, the best thing you can do."

And... the things she said were exactly the kind of things that someone like her would say.

"That’s what I’m doing."

I took my eyes off the floor and turned them toward her.

Her dark eyes were on me.

"And just like you said, I wasn’t looking for an answer. Because... I’m not uncomfortable with who I am right now."

No matter how much the Absolute Mind influences me, I still make my own decisions. The skill restricts my negative thoughts, blocks my emotions... but it doesn’t make ’decisions’ for me. It’s also one of the only reasons I’ve made it this far. @@novelbin@@

And as I said before.

I would gladly destroy everything around me rather than lose one more person I care about.

And I will.

"I just... wanted to tell these things to you guys. I wanted to talk to you, the people I consider my friends, the secrets I have. I wanted you to see and know who I truly am."

…

…

…

After Alysia, I turned my gaze to the others, a little timidly... and afraid.

And what I saw... made me freeze in my tracks.

I wasn’t expecting it, not at all.

Alysia’s face was cold and dull. Celine was... smiling. But, the other trio beside them had... tears in their eyes.

But, what I didn’t expect truly was...

To understand.

To understand what the other three were thinking.

To hear what they were saying, even though they weren’t saying a word.

And... that’s when I realized.

"Ah..."

Actually... I didn’t just want to ’tell’. I... I wanted something else.

Will they continue to follow me, will they continue to consider me as their friend despite everything I will tell them and everything they will hear...?

I wanted to see the answer to that.

I bowed my head again.

No, I didn’t cry.

I don’t even think I could cry.

And... I didn’t smile.

Even if I could, I was sure I couldn’t do it properly.

It’s just that...

I was... happy, I guess?

*******

After that day... almost everyone’s attitude toward me changed.

No, it wasn’t a big or sudden change into acting like a completely different person.

It was just that... they seemed to be closer to me. It was tiny little things, yes, but I could see it in the way they acted, even in the tone of their voice when they spoke.

It was definitely not something I complained about.

The other thing I didn’t complain about was that they decided to meet up as a group every week, at least every two or three weeks, without even hearing my opinion about it. It wasn’t really more than simply chatting, even for half an hour, like we did that day. Still... it was nice.

And so... the days went on.

Celine and I finished our first TV series.

The weeks started to take shape one after the other.

We had another group meeting, not as long as the previous one, but it was a session where new things were said, and... Julian swore a lot behind the back of a guy who was annoying him.

And then... a whole month passed.

Adrian started taking ordea lessons from Professor Calvin, from what I heard.

He should have started much earlier, if I’m not mistaken, but... it was delayed because of the dungeon incident and then the Professor’s own preoccupation.

Nevertheless, it’s officially started now.

Apart from that... Lucia was saying that she felt like she was going to reach C grade soon. The same grade as me, basically.

Oh, and then there was Clara.

Her training as a seer was still ongoing. And she was making progress. Prince Lucas and Mr. Chazon told her that after a few months of training, with experience, she would no longer need to train as a ’seer’. And this was almost at the end of her high school education.

And that’s also when it would become clear whether she would be able to enter the CDA, which was her goal. Which... given that I was his older brother, was quite an impossible thing to not happen, even if I didn’t ask for it.

So, another month passed.

I started to make more profit from the potion business than I had expected. So much so that... my name became known separately, along with the sales company.

I also developed my connections with the Virhen Family as much as I could. And when I supplemented this with the Bealy Family’s connections, I had a very wide network of information within the kingdom.

And, after a period of a few more months, one day...

"Happy birthday!"

"…"