The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Episode 103 〉888. The Chapter of the Zombie and the Girl (15)

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─Tap.

"……Huh?"

It was a night when a thick veil of mist spread across all four directions, hiding the night sky.

Hee-ah, who had made it her habit to enjoy the night air beside me every dawn since that one time, looked at me with a shimmering gaze that seemed filled with the dreamy glow of the milky fog. Then, she asked me that question.

If I hated those people.

Naturally, I had no choice but to ask back in that moment.

As far as I knew, in this place, that is, in this house, didn’t really have many 'people' around, other than Jung eun or Yeon-Ah.

Excluding those two, it was difficult to say there was anyone else around here at all.

So, was Hee-ah referring to Jung Eun or Yeon-Ah when she said 'those people'?

If that were the case, then her question meant she was asking if I disliked Jung Eun or Yeon-Ah. And that threw me off completely.

I had no reason whatsoever to dislike those two, so why would Hee-ah ask me something like that.

But soon, I noticed that Hee-ah’s gaze was actually directed toward the zombies outside the wall.

Only then did it hit me, that these 'people' Hee-ah spoke of were none other than those zombie bastards.

....

Zombies and people.

Yeah, maybe that was it.

The kind-hearted Hee-ah, perhaps she still viewed 'those things' as people.

".......Hmm."

At the unexpected question, I propped my chin on the railing and fell into a quiet thought.

I stared blankly at the zombies beyond, while Hee-ah stayed wordless beside me, wearing a gentle smile, waiting.

A kind silence stretched between us.

For a few minutes, we took in that little slice of hush. Eventually, I reached a conclusion.

"───I don’t think I can ever like them."

"….I see."

There was no doubt in my mind.

I couldn’t like them. That was my answer.

Their horrific appearance and bone-chilling moans, the danger they posed as they're probably still counting down the seconds for us to step outside and, perhaps most of all, the awful deeds they had done up to now.

No matter how hard I tried, there was no part of them that felt redeemable. Rather, I had endless reasons to hate and abhor them.

If someone else like Jung Eun or Yeon-Ah had asked me the same question, I might have snapped back immediately with, "Of course I hate them."

I might even have gotten angry and demanded why they would ask something so obvious.

Of course, those two despise the zombies at least as much as I do, so they wouldn’t have asked anyway.

But with Hee-ah, I answered in a softer voice, saying, "I can’t like them," not because I had a specific reason.

It was just that the night air, a touch chilly, felt pleasant.

The sensation of being wrapped in the night fog, like I was cozied under a warm blanket, felt gentle.

And because I was looking at the same scene with Hee-ah, just the two of us side by side, it dulled my hatred for a moment──

"—So that's what unnie thinks"

"…Yeah."

It was just a very brief whim.

Maybe someone else would say it was an irrational resentment.

If I had to speak logically, the guy zombie out there wasn’t even the same one that killed and devoured my friends, the one I hated so bitterly.

Among the zombies that attacked us on our way from the building complex to the large supermarket, I don’t recall seeing one quite like that one.

That means, in all likelihood, I’m only seeing it for the first time, or something close enough that we might as well be strangers.

So there’s no personal reason for me to hate that specific zombie.

Then is it because that zombie attacked someone else and ate them, so I must hate it?

But to say that, I’d have to see it attack someone with my own eyes or at least confirm it. I never did, so I don’t have that right.

So that’s not it, either.

If not that either, then am I hating that zombie because there's a risk it will harm and attack me?

…No. That’s not really the reason, either.

After all, my hatred for them never stemmed solely from the fact that they’d attack me.

Even if one day they suddenly just stood around like harmless plants.

Even if they miraculously got their minds back, extended a hand in peace, and asked to talk.

I’d probably still beat them to death mercilessly.

So, why do I hate them.

Why do I, from the very core, reject their very existence.

…..

In fact, there’s not much of a reason.

Yes, it’s simply.

"—They just tick me off."

I just hated them.

Like how someone might hate an entire nation because it once invaded our own in the past.

Like how, upon seeing some clueless group of people act like idiots, one might end up insulting the entire crowd they come from.

I felt sick just knowing they roamed the streets freely. Their repulsive shrieks in my ears, the echoing thuds as they pounded their bodies against our gate. All of it drove me up the wall.

"I just hate them."

"……."

I wished they’d all just die off, somewhere out of sight.

That was how I wished for their deaths.

That’s why.

"Then, Unnie—"

Because I wanted to kill them, for no other reason than I just hated zombies.

"—If I ever become a zombie, would you hate me too?"

".....?! Hee-ah, you!"

I couldn't answer Hee-ah's question.

At that shocking question that made me doubt my ears for a moment, my eyes shot wide open.

There’s a line. Certain things you just don’t say, no matter how hypothetical.

Even if Hee-ah was just a child, there were dangerous topics one shouldn’t speak of so carelessly.

I glared at Hee-ah, letting some of my anger and fury show.

"…If that happens, would you resent me?"

"……."

But Hee-ah didn’t even flinch or shrink away.

She just met my eyes, calmly and without fear.

"………."

"………."

The quiet silence flowing between us two.

But this time, that tranquility morphed into an uncomfortable hush.

Once, I had two friends.

They loved each other so fiercely that one would say, "If you die, I’ll die along with you." They joked about it, but they meant it. They tortured us by flaunting their romance constantly.

At first, I had worried that if they ever parted, it would hurt them deeply. But when I saw them smiling with a warmth I’d never seen before, such worries of mine melted away like snow.

Love during school days, after all, is just an immature child's love.

Coming quickly and disappearing just as quick, I knew that better than anyone as one of those involved.

Yet even I thought, seeing those two wearing such radiant smiles, "Maybe their bond can last into adulthood."

Yeah.

I actually thought that.

─Crunch!

['─■■, ■■■!!'］

"Wh-why…lo…ve…?"

…Until I saw one of them sink their teeth into the other’s neck, that is.

There was once a neighbor who was kind to everyone.

There was once a loving parent and child.

There was once a teacher and student who shared the utmost respect for each other.

──But in the end, all of them killed and devoured each other.

People who just moments earlier had been inquiring about each other’s well-being, then turned around to feast on each other’s blood and flesh.

It didn’t matter how deeply they loved each other, how strongly they cherished each other, how tight their friendship. Once they became zombies, all of that was worthless.

With humanity stripped away, those infected by zombies could only reach out to whatever human was standing before them.

Crunch, crunch.

Making that horrible sound.

Those who approached their infected significant others with their hands raised high, believing that if they wouldn’t listen to strangers, surely they would listen to them.

People who blocked us with their two arms, saying if they sincerely talked the zombies would listen, rather than us with our clubs.

Those same infected who had once been their lovers, family, neighbors, or teachers.

Like that, they met a futile end.

Without being able to escape from their delusional fantasy.

They ended their lives with faces filled with despair.

I’m sure the turned zombies didn’t want to kill the people they loved.

As someone who had directly witnessed that horrible scene, I knew that fact better than anyone.

No one wants to murder their beloved spouse, child, or dear friend.

Unless they’ve completely lost their mind, they wouldn't do that.

The zombies I knew certainly weren’t that sort of being, before they turned.

But still,

What else can you call them, those whose bodies move on their own, leaving them powerless to do anything but watch themselves kill the ones they once loved.

What should their actions be regarded as.

─Tap.

"I feel sorry for them."

"……."

Yes, I felt sorry.

So very sorry.

They have to watch their own body sink its teeth into the nape of their loved one.

They have to watch themselves tear into their loved ones’ corpses, unable to halt what they’re doing.

What could they be thinking.

Perhaps.

They might be thinking, please kill me instead.

"──That’s why I’m scared."

"....Hee-ah"

"What if I become like those people and try to bite you unnies? What if I become a burden, only holding onto your ankles? Then in the end───what if I become hated by you unnies?"

Finishing her long speech, Hee-ah clamped her mouth shut.

She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing, which had become ragged from speaking at length.

Saa… saa…

Beneath that thin clothes, her chest heaved up and down in quick, shallow waves.

And only then.

"…I see."

I understood what was on Hee-ah’s mind.

We, or at least I, don’t particularly fear death.

What reason is there to fear something that I have never experienced even once in life, that no one has directly experienced.

What we fear is the suffering before death, the goodbyes, and the rupture of relationships.

That’s also why, sometimes, we find it sadder to witness someone else’s death than to consider our own.

We’re more terrified of parting with others than of the pain.

So if none of those negative emotions existed.

We might regard death not as something fearful but as something welcome and beautiful.

And what Hee-ah truly feared was—

"Hmm....? Hwa-min unnie?"

"……."

—ending up a zombie and no longer being in control of her body, attacking us.

Was it because living together, we’d been seeing her as this helpless, tender girl who needed our protection.

We had always been telling Hee-ah out of habit that, "We’ll keep you safe," or "No matter what happens, we’ll make sure you survive."

But all those words we had been saying to reassure Hee-ah were ironically becoming a burden in Hee-ah's heart.

Burden. Yes, a burden.

She worried if she might drag us down.

She worried if we might be stuck in this house, only because we had to protect her.

If she became our burden like this, Hee-ah had been agonizing over it all this time.

Though, in our minds, we don’t feel we’ve repaid even a fraction of what Hee-ah has done for us, this sweet child felt even that small repayment as a burden.

And after turning it over in her mind for so long.

She ended up with that terrible scenario.

That if, she, as the weakest among us who could do nothing in front of zombies, was eventually caught and bitten by zombies.

Then, would she who became a zombie attack us.

Would she who lost reason bare her teeth at us.

Would we be unable to attack her who we could easily defeat, because of our attachment.

Hee-ah had been worrying about that.

So…

"No one would ever hate you, Hee-ah. Not me, not Jung Eun, not Yeon-Ah. None of us would hate you."

"……."

Saying I'll protect you, such groundless words, probably won't resolve the fear and worry Hee-ah has now.

So was saying, "That’ll never happen, so don’t worry and go to bed." Those words wouldn’t bring her any real comfort.

Therefore—

"I promise you, Hee-ah."

"…Huh?"

There was only one thing I could say to Hee-ah.

"If, just if—one day, you do get bitten by a zombie."

This was my resolve.

This was my pledge.

This was my personal growth.

And, in a way, my entire truth.

"In that case, I’ll be the one who will────"

I told her.

Those words I’d mulled over for so long, words so horrific I could barely bring myself to say them.

Words that felt far too cruel to utter to a child not even in middle school.

I told Hee-ah.

But.

"……"

She didn’t scold me or look at me like I was some kind of monster.

Instead, her eyes went wide, much like mine had moments ago. She seemed stunned by my response.

I couldn’t tell if my answer was the one she’d wanted.

Even looking back on it now, I still don’t know.

Perhaps for the rest of my life, I might never truly understand Hee-ah’s feelings.

─Plop.

"…Heehee."

But I do know one thing for certain.

At that time, Hee-ah, as if her long-held worry had been resolved.

As if she could resolve a long-cherished wish she had wished for ages.

"──Thank you so much, unnie."

She was smiling ever so brightly.

**

Yes.

She was definitely smiling.

**

"……….."

Creeeaak. I opened my eyes.

The front gate, which had a sturdy latch on it, one we’d believed impossible to open from the outside, was now swinging ajar.

We had thought it would never be opened again in our lifetime.

But that gate, right now—

['──■, ■■.....'］

"Ah…ahhh…."

Was slowly opening, accompanied by a dreadful noise like something from hell.

I heard someone’s gasp echo at the edge of my hearing.

The twisted and bent irons, rubbing against each other, produced an eerie noise.

Amidst that loud sound, the groan of one zombie began to thickly engulf the area outside the house.

That broken, mangled wail, like a voice forced from a crushed throat, was a sound I’d heard too many times in this nightmarish world.

Unlike the first day when I had to cover my ears, now they were sounds I could say had become 'familiar'.

─Thunk, thump.

"...No, right?"

"...Uah...ah...ahh....!"

But, the moment I heard that sound that gave a sense of déjà vu from somewhere.

The three of us, as if time had stopped, could only freeze on the spot.

─Thump, thump.

"……Ah."

My breathing stalled. My heart pounded like mad.

My teeth clacked uncontrollably, and an incessant stuffiness lingered in my throat as if a thorn was stuck.

My mind screamed at me, to close my eyes right now.

My reason was saying that if I don't turn my eyes away from there as soon as possible I would surely see something horrifying.

But from the instant I heard that sound.

The moment I heard that voice, I had wanted to hear so much in my heart.

The choice called escape could not be given to me.

["───■■, ■■■■!!"]

I heard it.

It was, of course, a sound I had never heard before.

Even if I had heard that sound once before, there was no reason anywhere for me to particularly remember such a terrible sound.

But, even so I knew that voice.

I knew who that voice belonged to.

I know.

I, know.

Damn it all, I know.

Yes, I recognized it.

Because, no matter how much it changed, there's no way I could forget that innocent voice.

Because, there's no way I could───────forget the voice of that child, Hee-ah.

This is, the sin I committed.

This is, the retribution that has come to me.

─Tap.

"…Hee-ah."

['...........'］

Hee-ah, appeared opening the door.

That child, once so pure white, was now dyed in red.

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