The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 39 〉 Chapter 39. Affection(? ?).

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**

Perhaps, I never truly accepted this world.

Everything I'm feeling now is just a fleeting dream.

"—Wow!! What, is this!?"

"It's called an igloo… um, you could say it's a house made of snow?"

"Sis Sia is amazing!!"

Nation. Castle. Ego. Ethnicity. Religion. Knowledge. Beliefs. Language. Values.

No matter what they are, the essence of 'Han Sia' will never change.

It transcended the world, existing alongside my soul.

Therefore, it couldn't be helped.

Unless I abandoned the identity I had built up in my past life, I could never truly blend into this world.

If the world rejects my essence, then I will reject the world.

With that conviction, I had lived my life, and this world remained an unfamiliar place.

"Heave-ho! It's a sled—!!"

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

"Hold on tight—!!"

Perhaps the choice made by the parents who abandoned me in this world, whose names and faces I no longer remember, was the right one.

Because I could never have accepted them as my true parents, no matter what.

They abandoned me first, before I could abandon them.

It was just that kind of boring story.

Yes.

If only everything had ended there, how nice would that be?

If only that had been the epilogue to my new life, how wonderful would that be?

But ridiculously.

Pathetically, even to myself.

I, who had been rejected—

No. From this world that I had rejected—

"Now, let's play with this today!"

I craved, even just a little, affection.

Swish, swish.

"Go in! Go in! Go in—!!"

"...This child, she has an incredible talent for curling…!?" (TL Note: Curling is where you slide a rock or something onto a hole or target, on ice, of course.)

"It went in!!! Heeheehee!"

Our meeting place, now covered in a blanket of snow.

The mountainside, where a cold wind blew.

Alice waited for me every day, beaming a bright smile, unfazed by the biting cold.

And today was no different.

The child's face, her snow-white skin and silvery hair, a color that even the pure white snow couldn't completely conceal.

Seeing her unearthly beauty, I had a funny thought, wouldn't people believe me if I said Alice was a snow fairy straight out of a fantasy world?

Well, it actually seems quite plausible.

"It was fun today, too."

"This is so much fun~!!"

Even though I looked different from others.

Even though I introduced new games and knowledge, the origins of which were unknown.

She accepted all of me, that's the kind of friend she was.

My one and only, Alice.

"Heehee~!!"

"Hahaha—!!"

We embraced each other, sharing our warmth.

Perhaps, our body heat couldn't reach each other, blocked by the thick layers of clothing we wore.

But the warmth rising from deep within my heart told me that our actions weren't meaningless.

Yes.

This was it.

This was it all along.

I had always yearned for it.

Affection(?), love(?), fondness(?), relationships(?).

I wanted to receive what we commonly call love.

A life abandoned by my parents, a life where kind neighbors didn't exist.

I, who had crawled on the ground and lived a miserable life, desperately trying to avoid being abandoned by them.

I had thought that I deserved at least that much, after working so hard in this rotten world.

"Ah. This is, really nice."

But I was wrong.

Love wasn't something you simply received from someone.

That's right.

I was wrong from the beginning.

'Sis Sia—!! I missed you!!!'

'Alice—!!'

To understand and help others, to miss them.

'Eh? Sis, are you hurt somewhere!? Let me see!!'

'Waaah… bl-blow on it… Alice…’

'Huu… Huu… Hmm? Why are you smiling, Sis?'

To cherish someone, to hold them dearer than your own life.

'Ta-da! I found a heart-shaped stone while thinking about you, it's a present!!'

'.......'

'Hmm..? Sis, are you crying?'

'N-No… I'm not…’

And to truly enjoy all of that.

No one defines love as something you receive.

It's only natural.

If you want to be loved, love.

Just like that saying, love isn't about receiving, but giving.

Autumn and winter.

Two seasons that passed by faster than ever.

Snow, falling heavily, blanketing the world in its own color as if trying to engulf everything.

I tasted that sweet coldness, and I prayed.

That I could return at least half, no, even a fraction of the affection I had received from the child standing before me, a sight as beautiful as a painting.

An affection so precious, its value immeasurable.

Even though I was a person with nothing to boast about, I wanted to give back to this child.

So—

'This hand…'

When I heard Alice's small answer to my question about her injury.

When she spoke in a voice devoid of any darkness, as if it were a happy memory, a joyous occasion—when I heard that confession, so heartbreaking, so ugly, so repulsive that I wanted to look away.

".....I see."

I was overwhelmed by a sense of horror, but at the same time, a small happiness enveloped me.

That I could finally repay the child.

That I could give, not just receive.

That even someone like me, could love.

That's what I thought.

**

"—Wake up… come on, wake up…!!"

"....Uh… U-Uwah?"

—Thump. Thump. Thump.

The urgent sound of someone banging on the door reached my ears as I slept.

Rustle, rustle, I rolled over on the pile of straw, getting up to greet the annoying visitor who was calling my name so desperately.

I think I move too quickly. A few straws fell to the floor. Ugh, I'll have to clean it later.

Yes~ I'm coming, coming.

Despite my words, the knocking only intensified.

"—Han! Wake up, quickly!!"

"...Uh... Rumi?"

The moment I heard her voice, I knew who it was.

In the first place, there was practically no one who would bother coming to this small barn to see me, and I had heard that voice many times before.

Rumi.

But that only fueled my curiosity.

The urgency and desperation in her voice.

It was so chaotic, I couldn't believe it was the same Rumi who was always calm and collected.

"...Did something happen?"

I quickly fixed my messy hair, threw on some clothes, and headed for the door to greet her.

Even though she could have just waited a moment, Rumi kept calling my name, demanding I open the door, even after hearing me say I was coming.

Uwaaa…

I'm coming out now, I'm coming.

Less than a minute later, the barn door opened.

—Click.

"—You're slow!!"

The sound of the locked door opening was faint and anticlimactic, compared to the loud banging.

And at the same time, as if she had been waiting, Rumi, breathing heavily, rushed in.

I was surprised to see her covered in sweat, but Rumi didn't give me a moment to react and started talking.

And her words were enough to send my mind to Andromeda.

"Han, get out of this village, now!!"

"...Eh...?"

"No time for talking!! Don't even think about packing anything, just get out of here, quickly!!"

....Huh?

Unable to process her words, I just stood there, dumbfounded.

Grab, Rumi's strong hand seized my collar.

My body, still weak from having just woken up, was dragged along by her firm grip.

I wanted to act like a rational human being and resolve this through conversation, but Rumi silenced me with a glare, her eyes bloodshot.

It was too scary to resist.

Hngg…

When I asked what was going on, Rumi didn't answer, just barked orders.

What's going on?

Get out of this village.

Why?

You don't need to know.

What should I do…?

Just run, as fast as you can.

It was like talking to a wall.

Well, her chest is like a wall… ahem.

Her explanation was lacking, and I couldn't find any clues in her words to understand what was happening in the village.

But at the words of Rumi, the closest thing I had to a friend in this village, I left my haven without even grabbing a few necessities.

Well, I didn't think she would do anything to harm me.

She was the only person in this village I could rely on.

It was that kind of trust that made it possible.

**

Tap, tap, tap-tap.

Early morning, before the sun had even risen.

The sound of our footsteps, mine and Rumi's, echoed through the empty village.

"...There's no one here? Where did everyone go?"

"........"

The streets were deserted, not a soul in sight, even though it was the time when people should have been most active, it felt like an ominous foreshadowing of something to come.

Like yesterday, when countless eyes stared at me with a cold, lifeless gaze, sending shivers down my spine.

No, it was even stronger, a greater sense of unease.

Overwhelmed by the feeling that my head was about to explode, I asked Rumi why we were doing this, as I ran alongside her.

Couldn't she at least tell me the reason or the circumstances?

".....Haa."

Her lips remained tightly sealed, but she finally gave in at my persistent whining.

Just because there's a goalkeeper, doesn't mean you can't score a goal.

"So, what's going on? At least, tell me the reason—"

I seized the opportunity, taking advantage of the opening.

An act, that could be called effort if I wanted to.

The answer I received was something beyond my wildest all my expectations.

"—Witch hunt."

"Huh?"

"Or rather, a witch trial."

What, trial?

I muttered the short word, confused.

Even though I had clearly heard it with my own ears, my brain couldn't process it.

What did a trial and a hunt have to do with us running like this?

And what about a witch?

Is it the witch I know?

Does that, have anything to do with me?

I desperately tried to understand the words I had heard, but I just stood there, dumbfounded, still unable to grasp the situation.

"Listen carefully, Han. The villagers are suspecting you of being a 'witch'."

"M…Me...?"

A witch…

…Who?

…Me?

"I have a rough plan to deal with this, Han. For now, you—"

The more I heard Rumi’s explanation, the dizzier I felt.

My breathing became rapid, and the edges of my vision seemed to be darkening.

What, is she talking about?

What is happening to me?

Rumi's words, spoken urgently and coldly, were too much for my dumb brain to fully comprehend.

But I understood one thing.

This situation, was very bad.

The worst possible thing that could happen.

The horrifying death I had experienced in my first life.

And something comparable to that worst-case scenario, was about to happen in my second life.

And.

"You need to run now—"

It was.

"—Found her. The witch is here!!!"

""......!!""

Happening now.

**

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