The Reincarnated Villain Can Break the Fourth Wall!

"Bet she'd look real cute with her head rolling across the dirt, don't you think?"

The guards tensed, their weapons inching forward, but the sight of the princess's blood stopped them cold.

One of them—a bold Earthly Rebirth cultivator—sneered, his voice dripping with disdain. "Do you even know who you're threatening?"

Su Xiaobai turned his head slowly, his grin widening. "Do you even know how much I don't care?" He scanned the guards like a merchant appraising cheap goods.

"Seventeen guards, huh? And not one of you geniuses thought to guard the carriage properly. Instead, you all piled on a little girl who wasn't even trying. Bravo." He gave them a mocking golf clap, dagger still steady against Ling Er's neck.

"Shut your mouth!" one of the guards snapped, his face red with fury.

"Oh, I'd love to, but you lot are making this too easy." Su Xiaobai smirked, tilting his head. "Seriously, who trains you? Blind monks? Let me guess—your motto is 'protect the princess by letting her get snatched.'"

"Enough!" Wu Jian barked, his voice filled with steel. "What do you want?"

Su Xiaobai pretended to think, tapping the dagger lightly against Ling Er's cheek. "Hmm… how about this? All of you kneel. Right now. And you, Commander—slap yourself three times. Loud enough to amuse me."

The guards froze, their eyes darting to Wu Jian in disbelief.

"You're joking," one of them muttered.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Su Xiaobai's smile turned cruel, his eyes gleaming. "Three seconds, or I start carving."

Ling Er sobbed, her voice cracking. "Uncle Wu! Please, just do it! I-I don't want to die!"

Wu Jian's jaw tightened, the veins on his neck bulging. Every instinct screamed to attack, but the blade pressing into Ling Er's delicate skin left him no choice.

Slowly, he lowered his sword and sank to his knees.

"That's a good start," Su Xiaobai said cheerfully. "Now, let's hear those slaps, Commander."

Wu Jian's hand trembled before he struck himself.

Slap!

The sound echoed, sharp and humiliating.

Slap!

His face turned red, but he didn't stop.

Slap!

The final strike left Wu Jian's hands shaking, his eyes blazing with unbridled fury as he glared at Su Xiaobai.

"See? That wasn't so hard," Su Xiaobai teased, his grin widening. "Although I gotta say, you hit like my grandma. Maybe next time use your sword hand, huh?"

The guards' faces darkened with rage, but they stayed frozen, their weapons at their sides.

"Now then," Su Xiaobai said, taking a step back. He tugged Ling Er closer, ignoring her pathetic whimpers. "It's been fun, boys, but I think it's time I hit the road. Don't worry, I'll send her back in… mostly one piece."

Ling Er sobbed louder, trembling as Su Xiaobai dragged her toward the forest.

"Uncle Wu…" she choked out, her voice weak and broken. "P-please…"

Su Xiaobai sighed, exasperated. "Ugh, you're so clingy. Don't worry, Princess, I'm not into crybabies. You'll be back in your cozy palace in no time—unless I change my mind."

And with a final, mocking wink, he vanished into the trees, leaving only the echoes of Ling Er's cries behind him.

Or so was the plan—

"SURROUND HIM!"

"Don't let him leave!"

Su Xiaobai's smirk faltered as the guards moved with surprising coordination, forming a tight circle around him. Their gleaming blades caught the sunlight, and their murderous intent clear.

"Tch…" He clicked his tongue, shifting his grip on Ling Er, who squirmed helplessly in his arms. At his feet, Xiao Hei crouched like a shadow.

'Ha! How could I forget you bastards wrote my last life?' Su Xiaobai thought bitterly, his irritation bubbling to the surface. This trick—the classic hostage gambit—had worked perfectly in his previous life. Every. Single. Time. But today?

Today, it seemed like the higher-ups in charge of this world had decided to collectively lose their damn minds.

'The same higher-ups who ignored my prayers for twenty seven years straight,' he thought, his lip curling. 'The same assholes who threw me into a reincarnation cycle without a cheat system. And now, when I jokingly pray for Xiao Hei not to offend some noble brat, they actually listen?'

He glanced at the terrified princess in his grip.

'Guess what? They heard me alright. Loud and clear. And gave me a fucking princess!'

His gaze darted skyward, his expression darkening. "Fuck you!" he spat.

The guards flinched, exchanging uneasy glances. Was he yelling at them? At the heavens? At himself? Even Xiao Hei tilted her head, a faintly confused expression reflected on her otherwise adorable face.

Wu Jian, bewildered by Su Xiaobai's erratic behavior, tightened his grip on his sword. His face still burned with humiliation from earlier, but his voice remained steady. "Let her go first. Then you can leave. Or no one is leaving today."

Su Xiaobai's eyes narrowed, his grip on Ling Er tightening as she let out a weak whimper. "Oh, is that how it is?" he added, his tone dripping with mockery. "You think I'm dumb enough to hand her over so you can gut me five seconds later?"

His mind worked overtime. He had banked on breaking Wu Jian's "spirit" to fight—humiliating him enough to make him hesitate.

But no, the script wasn't going according to plan. Not even close.

'This wasn't supposed to happen! By now, they're supposed to be groveling, offering me a safe passage, and maybe even some spirit stones for my trouble!'

Instead, the guards were closing in, and Xiao Hei, his supposed backup, was just… standing there.

He glanced at her, his expression darkening. "Xiao Hei, what the hell are you doing?"

She blinked up at him, then tilted her head slightly.

Her large doe-like eyes flicked toward the guards, then back at Su Xiaobai, as if silently saying, Why should I bother? You're the one who made this mess.

Su Xiaobai groaned inwardly. For someone who couldn't talk, she was very good at saying "this is your problem."@@novelbin@@

"I would deal with you later," he muttered, adjusting his grip on the princess.

Wu Jian's patience snapped. "Enough of this nonsense!" He took a step forward, "Release her now, or I swear—"

"Swear what?" Su Xiaobai cut him off, his grin returning. "That you'll make my death really painful? Hate to break it to you, Commander, but that's already the script. No need to rub it in."

Wu Jian faltered, momentarily thrown off by Su Xiaobai's casual disregard for his threats.

'That's right,' Su Xiaobai thought, his confidence flickering back to life. 'Confuse them. Make them second-guess. I've survived worse odds than this!'

But just as he was beginning to feel the tide shift in his favor, Ling Er stirred in his arms, her voice weak but annoyingly persistent. "L-let me go… You'll only make it worse…"

He froze, glancing down at her pale, pitful tear-streaked face.

'Oh, come on,' he thought bitterly. 'Now she grows a conscience? The damsel-in-distress act was bad enough—don't start making sense!'

The guards, emboldened by her words, began closing in, their formation tightening. Wu Jian's sword rose, his intent sharp and deadly.

Xiao Hei's gaze flicked between Su Xiaobai and the encroaching guards. Slowly, she crouched lower, her claws curling into the dirt.

Her movement was subtle, but it sent a ripple through the guards' ranks.

Hiss!~

Several shifted uneasily, their instincts screaming that this girl was no ordinary child.

Su Xiaobai glanced down at her and caught the faintest flicker of a smirk on her lips.

"Finally!" Su Xiaobai thought, a wave of relief washing over him like cool rain after a scorching day. 'She must be the main protagonist! All of this chaos, all of this buildup—it has to be for her grand moment to reveal her true abilities!'

Suddenly, it all clicked into place, the cosmic puzzle aligning in perfect clarity. The guards, the tension, the dramatic standoff—of course! This was the setup for her big entrance, the kind that would make everyone gasp in awe.

'She's going to—' Su Xiaobai's thoughts unfurled, his heart pounding with anticipation as he turned to Xiao Hei with shining eyes.

This was it. Her moment of glory! Surely, she'd—

But Xiao Hei didn't move.

Instead, she reached down, grabbed a pebble, and flicked it lazily at one of the guards.

PENG!~~

The pebble hit his helmet with a faint ping.

"..."

The guard froze, his face turning red as his comrades stifled laughs.

"XIAO HEI!" Su Xiaobai hissed, barely holding back his frustration. "What the hell was that?"

She simply looked up at him, her aborable round eyes gleaming with mischief, and shrugged.

Wu Jian took advantage of the distraction, raising his sword higher. "This is your last chance, rogue. Release her, or we'll cut you down where you stand!"

Su Xiaobai's mind shook, his options dwindling faster than a spirit stone in a gambling den.

'Fine,' Su Xiaobai thought.

They'd snap soon, and when they did, this clearing would turn into a butcher's block.

But then—

"What's happening here!?"

A booming voice cracked through the forest.

BAM!

The pressure hit like a tidal wave. Wu Jian staggered, his Spirit Severing aura reduced to a candle flicker.

Su Xiaobai's lips curled.

"I've never been happier to see an old geezer in the middle of a lonely forest," he thought.

"Brother Su? Ling Er?" A second voice, smoother but no less sharp.

Wei Jun strode into view, gold robes swaying. His confident steps faltered as he took in the scene: guards tense and surrounding three individuals: Xiao Hei, standing near the carriage with her face streaked with blood, and Su Xiaobai—grinning smugly as he held Ling Er by the waist.

Her tear-streaked face and the thin red line on her neck completed the picture—a trembling flower plucked too soon.

Wei Jun's brow twitched. 'Sure, I joked about introducing them,' his gaze narrowed at Su Xiaobai's hand on Ling Er's waist, 'but what the hell is this?'

Wu Jian exhaled loudly, relief and frustration colliding. "Grand Elder Wei! Prince Wei!"

Su Xiaobai blinked. "???"

'They're not here for me?'

He looked at Ling Er in his arms. A moment passed. His grin stiffened. 'No way... this brat's Wei Jun's sister?'

He almost laughed. 'Nice one, Fate Weaver. Really pulled out all the plot twists this time.'