Villain Hiring: Help! Author Wants Me Dead

A ringing noise filled my ears.

[System Notification: First Kill Achieved.]

[System Notification: Fate Stabilization in Progress…]

Stepping back, Noah looked at the blue screen floating in front of him.

He wiped his bleeding arm against his robe, avoiding looking at the blood as his hands trembled visibly.

I sighed in relief. "Finally. You could have just done that from the start, you know."

Noah ignored me. His hazel eyes flickered towards the hallway ahead, deeper into the assassin's den.

I let out a long, dramatic sigh.

"Aaand here it comes. The first of many headaches."

A new window popped up before Noah's eyes.

[System Quest]

Objective: Maintain the Lines of Fate

Failure: Fate will diverge, leading to unknown consequences. (Nah, your little Pixie just dies.)

Reward: Lol, who do you think you are?

Noah's eye twitched.

"Damien," he muttered, his voice barely too calm, "did the system just mock me?"

I cackled. "Oh, buddy, welcome to the wonderful world of suffering! Population: you."

He exhaled sharply, his usual deadpan expression slipping into something far more terrifying—pure, unfiltered exhaustion. The kind only someone who has seen way too much crap can wear.

Shaking his head, he swiped the window away. "Ignore it," he muttered to himself. "Just focus on the mission."

"Oh, sure, totally. Ignore the cryptic death warning about Pixie. That'll definitely not come back to bite you in the—"

Noah took a step forward.

A pressure shifted in the air.

My metaphorical non-existent throat went dry.

Noah knew.

He always knew.

A few more assassins appeared from the dark hallways ahead as I realised that maybe I had triggered my host too much talking about Pixie dying and all.

Clink.

A single step echoed around the hall, belonging to someone else.

Noah didn't react outwardly, but I could feel it. His body tensed just a fraction. His fingers flexed slightly before relaxing.

Then, just as the second step sounded—

Noah vanished.

Or rather, he moved, so fast it looked like he disappeared.

A second later, a gurgling noise filled the air.

A man in dark armor staggered backward, eyes wide, with a dagger buried deep in his throat.

Noah caught him before he hit the ground and gently laid him down, like tucking a baby into bed.

Another movement—two more assassins appeared from a side hall, eyes sharp, weapons drawn.

Noah didn't hesitate this time.

The first assassin swung.

Noah ducked, twisted, grabbed the man's wrist, and—

Snap.

The scream barely had time to escape before Noah jabbed another dagger into his side, silencing him instantly.

The second assassin hesitated. Big mistake.

Noah lunged forward, grabbed the man by the collar, and slammed him face-first into the wall. Hard.

Crunch.

"...fuck-" I winced.

The man slumped, unconscious. Noah casually wiped his dagger clean on the assassin's sleeve before stepping over the body.

Then, he spoke.

"Damien."

"Yeah?"

"If Pixie dies, I will personally find a way to kill you too."

"Wow. No moment of silence for the fallen?" I asked, pretending to be scandalized.

"Right, right." I chirped sarcastically.

"You just commit full-blown massacres before the quest even starts properly."

I was just talking when Noah's face turned pale, and he almost started puking.

Shit-

This motherfucker.

In all his bravado, Noah totally forgot that he still has a trauma response to blood.

Yeah. This was bad.

I immediately sprang into action. "Alright, listen, buddy," I said, forcing as much calmness into my voice as possible. "Deep breaths. In. Out. Pretend it's just tomato sauce."

He shot me a glare. "That's not helping."

"Okay, okay, new approach—uh, uh—think of it as—uh—NO! DON'T LOOK AT IT!"

Too late.

Noah's gaze had locked onto the small splatter of blood on the floor.

His entire body went rigid like he'd just been turned into a statue.

Oh, hell no. Not this again. Not now.

[System Warning: The Host is entering a state of shock. Initiating stabilizing measures…]

I tried again, my voice sharper. "Noah. Snap out of it."

Nothing.

He was still staring at the blood like it personally owed him money.

The assassin's corpse lay at his feet, completely forgotten. The air inside the hall was still and heavy. Noah's fingers twitched.

If this idiot fainted now, I was going to find a way to haunt him in the afterlife.

Desperate, I did what any self-respecting system would do in this situation.

I screamed.

"NOAH, LOOK OUT, IT'S STILL MOVING!"

That did the trick.

Noah's fight-or-flight instincts kicked in, and he jumped back like the corpse had just called him by his full government name. His heart pounded in his chest as he frantically looked at the body, only to realize—

Nothing.

It was still as dead as it had been five seconds ago.

Noah blinked.

I cackled. "Gotcha."

His eye twitched. "I'm going to kill you."

"Joke's on you, I don't have a body."

Taking a deep, shaky breath, the boy clenched his fist. His trembling stopped—barely. He still refused to look at the blood on his sleeve, though, instead yanking his robe tighter around himself like that would erase the problem.

"Right," he muttered. "Moving on."

I hummed. "Ah, yes. Moving on. Totally. No trauma to unpack. Just a casual night of assassinations."

Ding!

A translucent blue screen materialized in front of us. But not the one I was connected to.

No, this one was bigger.

Brighter.

And very, very annoying.

[God of Shadows has taken interest in you.]

[God of Trickery chuckles at the deviation. He questioned how a mortal with a broken Mana Core could be this strong.]

[God of Chaos offers a gift.]

Accept?

[YES/NO]

I groaned.

"Oh, fantastic. The peanut gallery has arrived."

***

A/N: Dear readers, I'd hope y'all could help me in polishing Noah's sword —

With this, I start a new event!!

The sword polishing event for the men's and women's of culture—

For every 1000 coins worth gift = 1 Bonus Chapter.

For every Magic Castle and above = 6-9 Bonus Chapters!!

Hurry up! Offer ends in 3 Days.