An Unexpected Proposal

May 4, 2020

“Are you not cold?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re speaking so well while looking so pale.”

Cabelenus clicked his tongue and pulled Alicia into his embrace. He should have expected this ever since she mentioned she had never experienced winter before. Alicia was incredibly sensitive to the cold. Ever since they crossed into Schwarhan territory, she had been trembling despite wearing a thick fur coat.

“Aren’t you cold, Your Majesty?”

“This isn’t cold by Schwarhan standards.”

Could it get colder than this? Alicia’s face grew even paler, as if she had been sentenced to death. When she first saw the fur coat, she thought it might be excessive, but now she realized it was far from enough. No matter how many layers she wore, the biting cold made her body freeze to the bone, filling her with dread.

“Just hang in there a little longer. Once we get to the castle, it’ll get much better.”

“Yes, yes.”

She answered quickly, but it didn’t make her feel any better. Alicia gripped Cabelenus more tightly in an effort to withstand the cold.

“You’re trembling like a fawn just born.”

“...Don’t tease me.”

“Now you can say things like that?”

“Well, because Your Majesty said you liked it this way...”

“That’s right. I do.”

Cabelenus smiled faintly and pulled Alicia closer into his coat.

“...”

Alicia’s pale cheeks flushed red.

“When we get to the castle, I’ll give you some Pelle.”

“Pelle?”

“It’s a hot drink made with wine and a few other things. You won’t get drunk from it.”

“Is that even possible?”

Alicia’s eyes widened in surprise.

“It’s one of the drinks that are famous in Schwarhan, along with Zille.”

“What’s Zille?”

“It’s a high-alcohol drink. People drink it to fight off the cold.”

“How strong is it?”

Alicia’s curiosity seemed to be growing as she asked more questions, but Cabelenus didn’t mind. He felt a sense of pride as he watched her face full of wonder, as if she was growing a little more with each question.

“It’s strong enough to catch fire if you light it. It’s so hot when you drink it, it feels like your throat is burning. I’ve even heard that someone died from drinking undiluted Zille.”@@novelbin@@

“A drink that can kill someone?”

“Why? Do you want to try it?”

“No! I don’t want anything like that.”

Alicia shook her head urgently, and Cabelenus’s smile deepened. He was enjoying the warmth from her small movements against him.

“When we get to Schwarhan, it’ll be tough for a while as you try to adjust.”

“Are you worried about me?”

“I’m just warning you. I won’t scold you for being cold, so don’t try to hide it.”

Although he hoped that Alicia would adapt to Schwarhan without much difficulty, seeing her struggle with the cold made him worry despite himself. It wasn’t easy to get used to a new land, new people, and a completely different culture.

“I won’t hide it.”

“Should I trust that?”

“Yes. I think it’ll be fine as long as you’re here with me.”

“...”

Cabelenus’s hand, which had been patting Alicia’s back, stopped. There was something about women that effortlessly stirred the emotions of a man.

“Of course, I know you can’t stay by my side all the time, but just knowing that you’re with me reassures me.”

“I’ll be by your side.”

“That would be nice.”

The sound of their hearts thudding together—whose was it, really? Alicia lowered her head, unaware of her flushed face.

“You really do seem to have a higher body temperature than most people.”

“Most people? Like who?”

“Uh, well, generally.”

“Gajev?”

“I don’t know his body temperature, so I can’t say for sure…”

Why did Gajev suddenly come up? Alicia was momentarily flustered and stuttered.

“Then just keep it that way.”

“Pardon?”

“You don’t need to worry about Gajev’s body temperature.”

“Of course, that’s not something I need to know.”

Alicia awkwardly nodded, offering a half-smile. For some reason, Cabelenus often brought up Gajev out of the blue.

“It’s not just Gajev, but others too.”

“Others?”

“The only person who can hold you is me. So, there’s no need to check anyone else’s temperature.”

Cabelenus buried his face in Alicia’s neck. Alicia instinctively held her breath and gripped his coat tighter. Every time his breath tickled her neck, her toes curled without her even realizing it.

“I should finish that bet as soon as possible.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s nothing. Just talking to myself.”

Cabelenus’s lips brushed against her delicate skin with every word he spoke. Alicia, her face burning even more, could only twitch her fingers in response.

“Umm…”

“Hold still for a moment.”

“Your Majesty?”

“I’m just a little anxious. Just stay like this for a moment.”

Cabelenus’s hand moved over Alicia’s back. Even though she wore a thick coat, he remembered how small and frail her body felt the first time they were close. It was just one night, but the memory of that night was so vivid that it couldn’t be easily erased. Since then, he hadn’t held Alicia again. He regretted seeing her body stained, and after she had suffered from a high fever for several days, he had regained his composure. The possibility of destroying Alicia with his own hands had rendered him powerless.

“Why are you so small?”

“It’s not that I’m small, it’s that you’re too tall.”

Cabelenus had a habit of saying Alicia was small, but in reality, she wasn’t particularly short. It was just that Cabelenus was exceptionally tall, making her seem small in comparison.

“No, you’re small. And you’re too weak.”

“Do I really look that weak?”

“Very.”

Alicia’s face turned troubled at Cabelenus’s blunt reply.

“I don’t think I’m that weak.”

“You can’t even handle the cold.”

“That’s because I’m not used to it. Once I get used to it, I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t have to get used to it. Even if you’re weak, I’ll protect you.”

Cabelenus’s hand tightened around her. Alicia looked up at him with a cautious glance.

“I don’t just want to be protected.”

“Why not?”

“If I can, I’d like to protect you too.”

“I’m not weak enough for you to protect me.”

“I know. But still, I don’t want to be just a burden. I want to prove my worth more clearly.”

If only she could regain her strength. If she could, then she would have been able to give Cabelenus anything he wanted. But since that wasn’t possible, Alicia clenched her hands in frustration.

“Don’t think about unnecessary things. What I want is simply to hold you like this, just like now.”

“...Do you really think that will be enough?”

Cabelenus’s gaze landed on Alicia’s lips. She knew the truth. That wasn’t enough. He was suppressing his instincts, but the truth was obvious—his desires were clear. After all, if it weren’t true, the thirst he felt when he looked at her pale, slender neck wouldn’t be so intense.

“You’ve said that I don’t need to prove my worth to you, but I think that’s not enough.”

“Why?”

“If I have worth, then even if your interest fades, I’ll still be able to stay by your side.”

“...”

Alicia’s reason for living had always been because of Cabelenus. If he weren’t here, her life’s purpose would vanish as well.

“Then, if my interest fades, will you still stay by my side?”

“Only if you allow me to.”

“...”

“I want to stay by your side, always.”

Cabelenus cupped Alicia’s cheeks in his hands. He wanted to kiss her. No, more than that, he wanted to be closer to her, deeper.

“The reason I live is ultimately because of you.”

“...Then, what if I’m no longer here?”

Cabelenus’s voice trembled slightly. He knew Alicia’s reaction was different from his own. Her actions reminded him of a baby bird that had just hatched—her reactions were instinctual, ingrained. Like a grown bird leaving the nest, someday, Alicia would want freedom too.

“...I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“You didn’t want me to die, so even if you don’t keep me by your side, I don’t think I’ll die.”

Cabelenus’s throat tightened as he watched Alicia’s head shake weakly. Still, she smiled shyly, her face blushing as she glanced up at him. Her hair, which was so thin, and her pale face, untouched by color, hadn’t changed. Yet, she was beautiful, so beautiful that he couldn’t look away.

“...May I kiss you?”

“Pardon?”

“I’m asking if I can kiss you.”

“M-me?”

Wasn’t his interest supposed to have faded by now? Alicia, flustered, opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water.

“Do you not want me to?”

Cabelenus tilted his head slightly. Alicia swallowed hard, watching as his dark hair softly brushed his forehead.

“I... you don’t need to ask for permission for something like that.”

“I want to ask.”

“...”

His long, thick fingers brushed her cheek. The touch was firm and rough, completely different from the softness of her skin.

“It would make me feel less guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“I thought that feeling was gone a long time ago.”

Cabelenus’s veins bulged under his skin. It didn’t matter that Alicia’s feelings for him were still uncertain. Even if the blind adoration she had for him faded, she was already in his grasp. She would taste more freedom, but before she realized what her feelings truly were, he would have bound her completely. Just as her father had done, and just like the other members of the Blanche family. But for some reason, whenever he looked into her eyes, the idea of owning her felt wrong.

Cabelenus’s brows furrowed. He wasn’t afraid of anything—except for her innocence. It was more terrifying than the cold edge of a sword touching his throat. The thought that, once she realized the truth, her sparkling eyes would turn to disdain, made him uneasy.

‘Because I was someone who deserved to die.’

The moment she realized that her freedom wasn’t given to her, but rather her captivity, it would be too much for him to bear.

“It’s okay.”

“...”

Alicia’s face flushed as she met Cabelenus’s unwavering gaze.

“...You may kiss me.”

Alicia mumbled softly, her voice barely a whisper. She hadn’t expected to say these words herself, but if she hesitated now, it would all end. If she stayed silent out of embarrassment, Cabelenus would truly do nothing.

“I don’t mind.”

Alicia’s hands clenched tighter as she lowered her head. Thinking of that night made her face burn with shame, but she didn’t dislike it. She actually liked it. She had always had trouble sleeping, waking up at the slightest sound, but when she slept next to Cabelenus, that wasn’t the case. The warmth of another person felt like it could bring tears to her eyes.

He had been the first person to make her realize this since her mother died.

“It’s really okay.”

Still, Cabelenus hadn’t reacted, and Alicia spoke again. Only then did she realize how anxious she had become. She was afraid it would all turn to bubbles and fade away like a fleeting dream.

“Look up.”

“...”

“If we’re going to kiss, you need to look at me.”

“Ah...”

It happened in a flash. The moment she thought her head had been lifted against her will, their lips met. It was a brief, tender kiss—one that felt like it was meant for a child. As Alicia realized what had just happened, a warm breath escaped between her lips. She didn’t want it to end like this. What she had wanted from Cabelenus wasn’t just this.

“Why did you stop?”

“Make it proper.”

“What?”

Alicia didn’t know where she found the courage to say that. But it was too late now—she had already said it, and she couldn’t take it back. She leaned in further toward Cabelenus.

“Do it like before.”

“...”

“...Like that night.”

As soon as Alicia’s words fell, Cabelenus kissed her again, this time urgently, his lips pressing roughly against hers.

Alicia reflexively grabbed whatever was closest. His shirt crumpled in her hands as the buttons that had fastened his collar popped open, falling to the ground.

“I-I’m sorry—”

Alicia’s voice, barely a whisper, was quickly silenced by Cabelenus’s lips. Breathlessly, she gazed up at him through hazy eyes. Even though his presence overwhelmed her, she didn’t want to let go of the hand that held him.

‘...Because I want this man to see me as a woman.’

Alicia shut her eyes tightly. She knew this was a relationship that couldn’t come to fruition. But now, it was too late to hide her desires, to pretend they weren’t there. No matter what words she said or what excuses she made, she couldn’t hide it anymore. Alicia hadn’t just adapted to the environment. No, she had adapted to him, too.