An Unexpected Proposal

July 20, 2020

It felt as if she had been doused in ice water. Her mind went blank, yet her awareness remained sharp, making every word she didn’t want to hear all the more distinct.

"Don’t speak so carelessly."

Alicia clenched her teeth. No matter who he was, even James had a line he couldn’t cross. She wouldn’t let Cabelenus be insulted with such absurd claims.

"My lady."

"His Highness is not that kind of man."

"My sister said the same thing."

"……."

"Despite everyone’s warnings, she insisted her lover was different from other nobles, that he truly loved and cherished her. But in the end, all she received was cold indifference and mockery."

James closed his eyes, unable to look at Alicia. He pitied her for being unable to see reality, but there was nothing he could do. This was a relationship doomed from the start. No matter how much she resisted, Alicia and Cabelenus could never be happy together. Their worlds were entirely separate.

"No. His Highness is truly different."

Her voice held a firm resolve, making James open his eyes again. He had expected to see a wavering gaze, but Alicia’s eyes were unwavering, steady in their conviction.

"I know it’s difficult for you to accept this reality right now. But you must."

"What is it you want me to accept?"

"That His Highness’s side is not where you belong."

"If it isn’t mine, then whose is it?"

Alicia’s icy glare pierced through James.

"It may be cruel, but it is the truth."

"No."

"My lady—"

"He made a promise. He promised himself to me."

Alicia gritted her teeth and shook her head fiercely. Cabelenus was hers. No one else’s—only hers. She would not accept any claim that denied that truth.

"Anyone can say anything. They can act as if they would give up their very heart or even promise to bring down the stars from the sky. But in the end, it’s just words."

"……."

"When I look at you, I see my sister. She blindly believed the man who asked her to run away with him, only to be abandoned in the most wretched way. On his wedding day, she hanged herself."

James took a deep breath, forcing himself to swallow his anger. Even though years had passed, the mere memory of that day made his blood turn cold.

"I…"

"I know what you’re going to say—that you’re different. That you don’t want to accept it, that it’s difficult to acknowledge. But when the time comes and your heart settles, I hope you will remember me at least once."

His voice wavered with emotion. If only his sister had confided in him, sought comfort from him just once—perhaps things wouldn’t have ended that way. But she had suffered alone, and in the end, she took her own life.

Had she been too deeply scarred? Or was it because James, as her much younger brother, had been too powerless to help her? He would never know. But he had thought about it countless times—if only she had found even the smallest shelter, maybe the worst could have been avoided.

"I may be nothing more than a lowly painter, but I can at least offer my help to you."

"I didn’t hear anything."

"Yes. You may pretend you didn’t."

She wanted to lash out, to hurl cruel words at him, but James only smiled faintly—too sorrowful to be resentful. Seeing that expression, Alicia bit her lip. She turned away from him, pressing her palm against her chest as if trying to suppress something.

But it was no use.

Her heart was pounding, loud and fast.

***

"There has been no word from His Highness, has there?"

"No, my lady. He mentioned it would be difficult for him to visit for the time being."

Why? Why not?

Could it be true—what James had said?

Alicia swallowed her unspoken questions. She wanted to believe in Cabelenus without doubt, but the emptiness of the bed made his absence feel even more suffocating.

"My lady, shall I bring you some tea?"

"No. I’ll just sleep."

"Very well. Then I will prepare your bedding."

Lady Morco pulled the blanket up to Alicia’s chin, waiting until her breathing evened before quietly leaving the room.

She had no idea that, the moment the door closed, Alicia’s gray eyes snapped open.

She glanced around, then carefully sat up.

The room was wrapped in complete darkness, the curtains drawn so tightly that not even a sliver of light seeped through. She stared into the emptiness, lost in thought.

She was aware that her emotions had begun to change.

That was why James’s words wouldn’t leave her mind.

She knew this—yet she still couldn’t let them go.

"His Highness wouldn’t do that."

She lightly patted her cheeks, trying to shake off her doubts. But she couldn’t erase them completely.

Because the Cabelenus in James’s story… was not so different from the Cabelenus she knew.

He had showered her with gifts, promising her a place at his side.

She knew that better than anyone.

That was why she was afraid.

She wanted to ask Cabelenus for the truth.

But she was also terrified to hear the answer.

What if… he looked at her with cold, indifferent eyes?

‘Would it have been different if I had a child?’

Alicia lowered her head.

She wasn’t thinking like a true parent.

She knew that.

But still, the thought crossed her mind—if a child could serve as a chain, binding Cabelenus to her, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

‘…I really don’t deserve to be a mother.’

Her shoulders slumped.

She was ashamed of herself.

No one else had suggested using a child as a tool.

That thought had come from her own mind.

It disgusted her.

It reminded her of exactly whose blood ran through her veins.

Her hand slowly drifted downward.

She had developed a habit of absentmindedly touching her flat stomach.

"I’m sorry, my baby."

Even if no child existed, she still felt the need to apologize.

Because, just for a moment, she had thought about it.

And because sometimes… it felt like there really was someone inside her.

Suppressing the growing sorrow, Alicia leaned against the headboard.

The hardness of the wood against her back stirred old memories, ones she tried to ignore.

"I once heard a story."

"That children watch their future parents before they are born."

She had dismissed it before.

But now, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

What if… what if it was true?

What if her child was watching her right now?

Her fingers trembled slightly.

She still wasn’t ready to be a mother.

But she didn’t want her child—if there ever was one—to be hurt.

"I don’t want you."

"But that doesn’t mean I hate you."

"You’ve done nothing wrong."

"I’m just… not ready."

Her hand stilled.

She furrowed her brow.

It had only been a fleeting moment—

But she had felt something.

Something familiar.

‘Could it be…?’

Alicia quickly examined herself.

She had felt something just now—she was sure of it.

But no matter how many times she checked, she felt nothing.

‘Was it just my imagination? Or… could it be that my power is…’

—Click.

The sound of the door opening made her head snap up.

Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but she didn’t need to see.

She already knew who it was.

"…I thought you weren’t coming."

"And I thought you would be asleep by now."

"If you were going to come, why did you say you wouldn’t?"

"I wasn’t sure when I would be able to, and I didn’t want you waiting endlessly."

"……."

"Are you angry?"

Alicia’s lips trembled at the cautious question. The sight of the man watching her with uncertainty—something so uncharacteristic of him—made all the fears that had tormented her suddenly seem laughable.

"…Do I look angry to you?"

"Your voice is sharper than usual. And your expression says otherwise."

"You can’t possibly see my face from over there."

"I can see it clearly. Very clearly. And…"

Before she could react, Cabelenus strode forward, taking her face in his hands.

"Did I keep you waiting long?"

"No."

"Then why are your eyes wet?"

"…"

"I’m sorry. I knew you were feeling down, so I wanted to come see you as soon as I had even a moment to spare."

His rough fingertips, surprisingly gentle, brushed against her eyes. Unable to hold back the sting, Alicia clung to him.

"I missed you. So much."

Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she whined like a child seeking comfort. She didn’t want to be so emotional, yet she kept getting swept away by fleeting feelings.

It was as if something beyond her control was pulling the strings.

"I must have made you wait for quite some time."

Cabelenus tightened his embrace. Alicia burrowed deeper into his arms and shut her eyes.

"I heard something unpleasant."

"What kind of story?"

His voice hardened with displeasure. Alicia gripped his clothing tightly.

"They said… His Highness is engaged to the princess of Christi."

"…"

For a moment, the hand stroking her back stilled, but Alicia didn’t notice. She was too afraid of losing the man in her arms, too focused on holding him tighter.

"That’s ridiculous, isn’t it?"

"…"

"You—no, Cabelenus—would never do that."

"…"

"…Cabelenus?"

It wasn’t until the silence stretched on that Alicia finally sensed something was wrong. She lifted her head, but his face was shrouded in darkness.

She couldn’t see his expression.

All she could see were his golden eyes.

Glowing fiercely even in the dim light, they wavered.

Alicia swallowed hard.

The sound of her gulping echoed unnaturally in the quiet room.

"…It’s not true, is it?"

"…"

"It’s not, right?"

Say no.

Tell me it’s a lie.

Alicia couldn’t bear the silence and urged him for an answer.

Cabelenus, unable to resist the desperation in her gaze, reached out and held her shoulders.

"…No."

He didn’t want to lie.

Alicia was the only person who ever made him feel guilt.

But there were things he couldn’t say—things she didn’t need to know.

Right now, she had to focus on her own well-being.

"No?"

"Yes. It’s nothing."

His voice was firmer this time.@@novelbin@@

Once a lie was spoken, adding another wasn’t difficult.

"So it’s really nothing? The princess of Christi staying in Schwarhan Castle, the rumors of your engagement—none of it is true?"

Alicia gazed up at him, searching his face.

Even now, her grip on him was tight, her fingers pressing into his hand so forcefully that the veins on his skin protruded.

"Are you that anxious?"

Cabelenus stroked the back of her hand in an attempt to soothe her, but she didn’t loosen her grip.

"Because I know I’m being greedy."

"…"

"The only thing I can rely on is your heart. But that also means if your heart changes, everything will be over in an instant."

Her eyelashes quivered.

She knew why she felt so afraid.

"Right now, I’m no different from a dog. I follow the one who feeds me, wagging my tail endlessly."

"Don’t say something so absurd."

"It’s not absurd. It’s the objective truth."

Alicia shook her head weakly.

No matter how she tried to dress it up, their relationship was anything but equal.

The power was entirely in his hands.

"You once said I would make a fitting Grand Duchess."

"That’s in the future. Not now."

"…"

"I want to do everything I can for our future. And I will. But to reach that future, I need certainty."

Alicia leaned forward slightly.

She felt the way his body tensed at their proximity.

Cabelenus was undoubtedly shaken by her.

But only to a point.

The only reason she could remain by his side was because he allowed it.

Cabelenus had the power to keep her here, to bind her to him by force if he wished.

But Alicia…

If he abandoned her, no matter how desperately she clung, she would no longer be by his side.

In the end, the fate of their relationship was entirely in his hands.

And she knew it.

That was why she couldn’t help but be cautious.

To avoid being cast aside, she had to comply, to do everything in her power to stay in his favor.

Slowly, Alicia reached out her hand.

"Do you know?"

"The only thing I’ve ever been able to do is wait for you."

"That’s all I’ve ever done—waiting and waiting, watching only you."

"Nothing else."

"I…"

"It’s fine."

"As long as I can stay by your side, I can live like this forever."

"But…"

"Just don’t lie to me."

Even as she spoke, Alicia smiled.

Her damp eyes reflected only him, and she forced her lips to curl upward.