Eighteen’s Bed

An utterly unexpected statement pierced my ears. It was something I hadn’t thought I’d hear, nor had I intended to listen for it. When something you never imagined hearing reaches you, your mind goes blank. What did I just hear?

“What?”

You got everything wrong on the mock exam, but you got a perfect score! That’s why the teacher was desperately looking for you. You could’ve definitely gotten into Korea University through the regular admissions!
“Perfect score?”

Yeah! But I didn’t expect you’d apply for the regular admissions on your own like this. Oh, thank goodness. You’re applying for International Relations? You didn’t lower it much, did you? Thank goodness. You applied just right. You can always take a double major in Business. Once you’re in college, that’s all that matters. Well done! Well done!
Wasn’t it supposed to be that university doesn’t matter in life? My mind was completely stunned, and I didn’t even feel like arguing back.

“Me?”

Yeah, you don’t believe it, do you? I was surprised too! You scored higher than Jisoo on the CSAT. If you had shown up at graduation, you might’ve been the one giving the last speech. Ugh, what’s with that early admission system. What a waste. Right? Actually, I shouldn’t be saying this. Is it a secret? The truth is, Jisoo was in for one year, and you were for two years. Joon helped the teacher a lot too. So honestly, I was more upset about Joon.
“No, that… That doesn’t make any sense…”

There’s no way I got a perfect score... In the chaos, the rest of the conversation barely registered.

I didn’t even try to process the rest of what was said. When I came to my senses, the call had already ended. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or feeling uneasy. It felt strange. Naturally, I ended up skipping dinner.

Time passed, and I took an uncomfortable shower in an awkward bathroom. I didn’t need to, but everything felt strange— the color of the tiles and the unfamiliar faucet. The bathroom slippers felt awkward on my feet too.

After showering, I lay down on the bed, trying to sleep, when I heard the sound of a child crying outside. I quickly realized it was the cry of a cat in heat, but the sound still made my skin crawl, and I stuffed my ears with the pillow. When I turned my head, the bed next to mine remained with the mattress still exposed.

“I really don’t have a roommate, do I?”

The dark night, the slightly yellowed wallpaper, the shabby window, and the chilling cries— everything was new.

I squeezed my eyes shut under the blanket. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed my earphones, plugging them into my ears. I played a deliberately loud song, closing my eyes.

Then, that nightmarish feeling surfaced again. Like a child searching for a mother’s milk, I bit my finger horizontally. The second joint of my index finger was torn apart, leaving scars. But it felt just like the sensation of cracked lips, and sometimes, that made it even more torturous.

“…Damn.”

And that night, I realized in my agony.

I still hadn’t healed from the illness called "Go Yohan."

****

Thanks to that, I entered the first class after staying up all night. I spent time on the bed without checking the clock, and suddenly, my schedule popped into my mind. I jumped up in a hurry. I was crazy, I was crazy. Rushing to the lecture hall, it was already full, and the professor was finishing up his preparations to leave. Trying to suppress my breath, I quickly scanned the room.

There were more people than there were desks, and it felt even more out of place. The buzzing sound of electronics drilled into my ears. I furrowed my brows and looked at the podium where the professor was holding a microphone.

“Then, prepare as instructed, and let’s meet here next week at this time.”

…Instructed?

I quickly turned my head. White A4 sheets were scattered on the desks. People were folding them haphazardly and stuffing them into their bags or somewhere else. What’s that? I hesitated for a moment because I didn’t know, then quickly grabbed someone who was about to rush past and awkwardly asked.

“Excuse me, what did we receive?”

“Huh? Oh, just the grade distribution and the books for the lecture. And maybe the assignment?”

“Oh… where can I get it?”

“Professor probably won’t give it to you. It should be in the course guide.”

“Thank you.”

The course guide… Was it that site I used to apply for classes? While I was thinking, the student gave a quick glance and nodded before walking away. Why is he looking at me like that? Thinking that, I too hesitated and nodded back.

It was so awkward, it felt like I was going to lose my mind. Looking around, new groups had already formed. They were gossiping about some weird person in the group chat, laughing about strange incidents during orientation, and talking about the freshman welcome party. I hesitated before approaching, but stopped abruptly.

“…”

Then, I had a thought. Should I be doing this awkward thing when I’m just starting everything anew? Dying with the group, living with the group. Watching other people’s reactions. Maybe I’ll repeat the process of living like that. Isn’t that already tiresome?

With that rebellious thought, I adjusted my bag and left the lecture hall alone.

“The course guide, was it?”

****

I grumbled in vain in the course directory room in front of the library.

“Damn it, seriously.”

What’s there to have? The course syllabus registered in the course directory was all blank. Attendance, assignments, midterms, finals—everything just said 0%. What the hell am I supposed to understand from this? This is a major course, right? Can you really manage a major like this? Is this a prestigious university?

I wondered when they were going to update it, so I mindlessly clicked the mouse, and the person sitting next to me gave me a strange look.

“Ah, sorry.”

It wasn’t exactly a quiet atmosphere, so why was I the only one getting the side-eye? I felt embarrassed, thinking I must be doing something wrong, and I awkwardly stood up. My seat was immediately snatched by someone who had been waiting behind me.

“……”

Even in the major I entered afterward, I was still alone. Strangely, before the class even started, people who knew each other sat together. I ended up pushed all the way back to the last seat, where I was handed the great ‘syllabus’ and listened to an explanation. I soon learned something new. It was all because a few people were whispering behind the professor’s back.

To sum it up, ‘I’m late.’

They’d already exchanged numbers through an entrance exam information site, and their group for the freshman welcome party had already been decided. While I was agonizing over the crazy things I had done to Go Yohan abroad, they seemed to have already started their social lives.

I had no complaints. I was the one who was late.

What bothered me a little was that they kept glancing at me from the front row.

If they’re going to exclude me, they should just exclude me, and if they’re going to talk to me, then talk. It seemed like they were whispering among themselves, but since the seats were so close, I could hear everything. “Should we talk to him?” “You ask him.” It was a mess. I must have been judged as a freshman, because as soon as the class ended, they turned to me.

“Hey, are you a freshman?”

“……Yeah.”

“Did you repeat a year…?”

“No, I’m a first-year.”

It seemed like my answer mattered to them, because they smiled brightly in relief.

“We’re the same! You look familiar, but I didn’t see you at the welcome party, and you’re not in the group chat, so we just thought we’d ask. Oh, is it okay if we speak casually? You speak casually too! We’re the same age!”

“Ah, okay.”

“Then why aren’t you in the group chat?”

“Isn’t it only for people who went to the welcome party?”

“The class rep said he invited everyone.”

“When was the class rep chosen?”

“During the welcome party. The seniors picked him. Ugh, this guy’s not doing his job right.”

“I see. I didn’t know.”

“Ah, it’s weird. Why didn’t they invite you? But didn’t you come to the welcome party? What happened?”

“I was just out of the country with my parents.”

“Wow, you went abroad right after high school graduation? Your family must be rich.”

I hesitated for a moment, wondering how to respond, then decided to lie.

“It’s not like that. It just happened to overlap with the schedule.”

I felt like nothing good would come from them discovering that my family was well-off. Maybe I’ve grown a little.

“It would have been great if you’d come. We were with some seniors and made a good impression. I’ll introduce you to them.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with being friendly with your classmates? I’ll invite you to the group chat. You’ll need to be there to get the announcements. Your phone?”

“Here.”

“Ah, just unlock the screen and hand it over…”

“It’s a new phone, so I haven’t set a password yet.”

“Whoa, you’re gonna end up spilling all your relationship secrets like that. You need to start managing your privacy.”

The two of them jokingly nudged each other and laughed. Relationship stuff, huh? I thought about it for a moment and shook my head.

“I don’t think I’ll have anything to do with relationships.”

“Really?”

This time, a strange look mixed into their eyes. After making eye contact, one of them smirked and raised a corner of their lip.

“Hey, did you come from a boys’ school?”

“Uh? Yeah.”

“Ha, I knew it.”

“What?”

“Even if you don’t like it, the girls won’t leave you alone.”

If they thought I would be happy to hear that, they were mistaken. I stared back indifferently at the meaningless compliment. The two of them awkwardly shifted their posture.

“Why is he so unresponsive…?”

Then, they exchanged a glance and made this proposal.

“Did you have lunch?”

“No.”

“Wanna eat together? The grad dorm cafeteria here is pretty good.”

With expectant looks on their faces, I felt bad about rejecting them but shook my head.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not really in the mood for lunch.”

The truth was, I felt uncomfortable. The conversation wasn’t interesting, and their reactions felt off. It seemed like the kind of personality that would get tiring the longer I stayed with them. If this were high school, I would have tried to stay with them somehow. But now, I just packed my things as I watched the two of them leave.

****

And then, I really ran into Ahn Jisoo in the most unexpected place. It was the last liberal arts class of the day.

“Wow, Kang Jun!”

“Uh, looks like you two know each other?”

“You’re in the International Relations department?”

Why did the start of this class have to be about forming group project teams? If I had known that such a familiar face would be in a group assigned by the professor, I wouldn't have enrolled. The department is different, and two of the team members are strangers to me. Then there's Ahn Jisoo, who’s giving me excessive attention. Why did the professor pair us up and then disappear first?

I clenched my fist under the desk. Damn it. The overly familiar attitude was so embarrassing that all of the team’s attention shifted to me and Ahn Jisoo. I was mortified, but Jisoo seemed fine with it.

“We went to the same high school. Hey, I thought you were repeating! Why didn’t you come to graduation?”

“…….”

The moment I saw her, she started saying irritating things. Memories I had shoved into the trash bin of my mind were vividly resurfacing. I was barely trying to forget them. Damn it.

“…I just wasn’t feeling well and had to go to a place where my parents were for some rest.”

“Resting? Abroad?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, really… I guess you’re on a different level. Ah, this friend is seriously rich.”

“Really?”

“…They live in that area.”

She pretended to cover her mouth and speak quietly, but I could hear everything. And why was she telling everyone where I lived? The team members who overheard her either widened their eyes in surprise or nodded along casually. The surprised one asked.

“That’s like, an ultra-rich neighborhood, right? The land prices there are ridiculously high. It’s even been on TV.”

“We had quite a few kids from that area at our school.”

I couldn’t understand why she was so smug about it. Is she vicariously proud or something? She’s acting all smug even though her own family isn’t exactly poor. It made me feel even more ridiculous. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. What came next was even worse.

“Do you drive? Oh, no, you probably haven’t gotten your driver’s license yet?”

“Do you have a car?”

“No. I just live around here.”

“Wow, your parents must be so successful to get you a house in the same area. Where? An apartment?”

“I just live in the dorm.”

“Pfft, what does a dorm even mean for someone like you? Wait, how did you even get in? Oh, no, never mind. With your parents, they’ve probably already bought multiple houses in the provinces, huh? Man, I envy you.”

Is this guy trying to mess with me? What’s the point of bringing up these things here? I couldn’t figure it out and frowned. Surely, it wasn’t because of my CSAT score. Could there be rumors circulating about my grades? Or maybe the homeroom teacher had only told Ahn Jisoo.

No, no way. She couldn’t be that petty.

“It’s not like that.”

“Come on, don’t lie. How else would you get into a dorm? Right, how much do your parents make a month?”

Her voice was so loud that the attention of everyone around us shifted to me. It was truly a hellish moment.

“I don’t really know.”

“Really? I heard rich people don’t even know how much they’re worth or how much they make.”

“Is your family really that rich?”

One of the team members cautiously asked. Ahn Jisoo proudly answered.

“There are quite a few people like this at the high school I went to. It was a school in a really wealthy neighborhood with a great school district. I bet this guy doesn’t even know how much bus fare costs.”

“Hey, no way.”

“No way, Go Yohan didn’t know either.”

Go Yohan.

“……”

The moment I heard that name, all circuits in my brain stopped. Everything Ahn Jisoo said after that turned into white noise. There was something about a guy named Go Yohan from the same class who was a formidable rich kid, and how everything he owned was branded, and how the real luxury brands were ones we didn’t even know about. But none of that even registered.

“But did you know that Go Yohan has been searching for you like crazy?”

In that instant, the white noise suddenly gained color. It was like someone had snapped me out of a trance, and I blinked, stupidly saying:

“Uh, what? What did you say?”

“Go Yohan’s been looking for you like crazy. Your homeroom teacher really went through a lot. He kept asking why you weren’t answering his calls, saying you weren’t home when he visited, asking for you to contact him. I’ve never seen Go Yohan so anxious. You and he used to be really close, right?”

“……”

“He even borrowed other people’s phones to call you. He kept saying you blocked his number… Anyway, it was crazy. Did you two fight again?”

“……Sorry, but don’t talk about him in front of me.”

I couldn’t listen anymore.

I thought I’d endured enough. From the bad expression of the team member who had only nodded quietly, I figured they must be thinking I was acting all high and mighty. I was thinking the same thing, so I just stood up abruptly.

“I’ll hear about the assignment next week. See you next week.”

It was only after I left that I realized I hadn’t given them my number, but it didn’t matter. We were going to see each other again next week anyway. I decided not to care.

When I checked the time, it was already the afternoon. The last liberal arts class had ended early, and it was only 4 PM. I saw that there were already a bunch of notifications on my phone from the academic notice board, stacked up since whenever I had been invited.

Afterward, I ate lunch alone, returned to the dorm alone, and prepared for my assignment alone. Honestly, it was easier than I thought. It was so easy that I started wondering if I had really lived this long without being able to do something so simple. It actually felt like I was good at it. Looking back, I never had a best friend.

Best friend. As I absentmindedly typed on the keyboard while searching for an assignment topic, my fingers moved. The cursor blinked, and familiar consonants and vowels mixed and formed on the screen.

‘Who was the person closest to Jun?’

‘Han, no. Go Yohan.’

Go Yohan.