Eighteen’s Bed

"Damn it," I muttered as I snapped back to reality and slammed my fist onto the keyboard. That wasn’t enough to calm me down, so I threw the mouse on the wall as well.

"Please, just get out of my head already!"

But even after throwing everything on my desk, my pain didn’t go away. My mind, steeped in confusion, just kept searching for an escape.@@novelbin@@

Alright, just sleep and forget everything. I walked toward the bed, as if in a trance.

That wasn’t enough, so I pulled the blanket all the way up over my head. I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but my hand once again wandered, tracing my lips. I pressed the center of my lips tightly with my thumb and index finger. The soft flesh sank in where I pressed. But that wasn’t enough, so I moved my fingers deeper, pressing further inside. Just as I was about to bite my nails, I came to my senses and pulled my fingers out of my mouth.

"Crazy..."

I was definitely crazy.

"Why does he keep popping up when I’ll never see him again?"

Then, impulsively, I thought I shouldn’t have done it. Regret built up in me, and I endlessly regretted what I had done, finally drifting off to sleep.

****

I had gone to bed too early. When I woke up, it was barely 7 PM.

"Damn, this is crazy."

What a terrible day. This first day of college felt like the worst of the worst. This is the twenty I had dreamed of? I felt so bad I almost collapsed.

Turning my head, I realized my roommate still hadn’t shown up. At this rate, it seemed like I was living in this room alone. Looking at the empty mattress, hunger crept up on me.

"Dinner…"

Looking at the time, I realized the dorm cafeteria was about to close.

"Should I just skip it?"

Maybe by the time dawn comes, it’ll be too late to change anything. I forced myself up, thinking I could grab something and eat later when I felt like it.

I grabbed my wallet and walked in the direction I’d seen a convenience store. I bought some food I could eat, including some water. I stuffed it all in a bag and headed back to the dorm. The walk felt strangely awkward. It was like I was living a life that didn’t suit me, or like the start of a new life going awry.

As I waited for the elevator, disappointed by my day, my phone rang. I thought it was just another department notification, but when I checked the screen, it was surprisingly my homeroom teacher.

"Have you checked the school website?"

The school website? What could it be? I furrowed my brow, feeling frustrated by not being able to immediately recall. I decided I should check it, so I opened the internet and searched for the school’s name. Clicking on the link that appeared, an unfamiliar pop-up window appeared. I sighed when I saw it.

"They updated the list of accepted students."

At the very top, the name was listed: Perfect score on the CSAT, Kang Jun from the Department of Political Science and Diplomacy at Korea University. Of course, the school would be proud of it, so they probably updated it now.