I Own a Brothel in Another World

Chapter 255 – Saucy Revenge

Back amongst a certain dwarven household known for their incredible artefacts…

“That one out there.” The servant accompanying me points into the air, directing us to the fourth shelf out of seven in this column. “This should be the last crate.”

“Alright. Step back for a moment, please.” I nod and mentally navigate through my available skills.

With some good hours put into this new ability, I’ve grown fairly efficient. It doesn’t take me longer than a moment to lock onto a decently useful spell, borrowing it a second later. Raising my hand, I send out a light breeze from my fingers, which reaches the wooden crate and wraps it in a gentle wind.

Pulling the elemental whip back, I yank the box off the shelf, evoking a surprised squeak from my guide. The short lady covers her head in panic. But, after not hearing or feeling anything after a while, she peeks upwards once more, her eyes widening at the sight of the floating crate. It descends lazily towards us before I set it down on the ground with a delicate tap.

In the end, it’s supposed to be filled with quite fragile cargo inside.

“Apologies for the scare.” I recall the spell and glance at the local maid.

The blond-haired girl blushes lightly. “No, I simply overreacted. I should have expected someone this great to have a way to safely bring it down.”

Ah, yes.

In just a few days, most of the staff in this compound have recognised me as the Human who is the Counselor’s mate, and thus categorised me under the highly capable tag. According to their usual customs, such a talented Dwarf wouldn’t go for any incidental partner, thus I had to be special in some way. And since we haven’t revealed much regarding my specific skills, that got the fantasising minds going.

Well, we aren’t going to correct anyone just yet.

This aura of intriguing mystery only works in our favour.

Giving my helper a few apologetic pats, I turn to the sealed crate.

I’ve caught myself multiple times doing just that, patting random Dwarf girls on the head by pure force of habit. At first, I dreaded about that fact, but it seems like they have turned it into some kind of a competition. A day after I accidentally brushed my fingers through three different heads, all the other female attendants began looking at me rather expectantly whenever they finished assisting with whatever task I had for them.

So, now, I just let it be. 

I blame Sirgia for turning me into an even bigger headpat addict than I have already been in the past. Each time my brain registers a tiny lady in my close vicinity, it connects with the memory banks holding onto data related to my adorable little mate, and the body automatically deploys affection before the conscious mind fully processes the details. And in most cases, that means lovingly ruffling the target’s hair.

One day, it will get me in trouble, I swear.

In any way, I summon the draconic hilt into my hand and shape the formless blade into a dagger. One swift push later, the lid is leveraged open. The two of us peer inside, taking note of the contents, and I nod to myself in affirmation.

My guide tentatively reaches into the box and brings out one of the ceramic dildos spread through the local market by those petty thieves. Her cheeks bloom a little as she rotates it between her fingers.

“I’m going to miss these…” she whispers softly. “Many of us will…”

Chuckling quietly, I pull the fake out of her grasp, placing it back amongst its clone brothers.

“You deserve much better, trust me.” I wink at the pretty servant. “Did you receive instructions for today’s evening?”

The maid tilts her head thoughtfully. “We are to gather at a certain address where we will be allowed to exchange a coupon for something. It’s supposed to be compensation for confiscating all of these from women in the clan. Everyone who returned one got the ticket. Of course… I have one too…”

So, the patriarch kept it vague. I guess that’s a viable strategy. The girls won’t be spending the entire day thinking, talking, and dreaming about the things they are going to receive for listening to the abrupt directive. All in all, he knows how to keep the house free of unnecessary disorder.

However, I foresee a great number of sick leaves tomorrow.

With the amount of sweat these women are going to work out with their new toys, it will surely leave them feeling weak in the knees.

I better warn the Clan Head ahead of time.

“Good. Just in case, I’ll let you know that there’s no need to arrive too early. Unless you want to take a spot in the queue. But, I assure you that the stock won’t run out, no matter which model is going to be the most popular one.” I give her some more pats, which bring a nice smile on the girl’s lips. “Do you think you can keep a secret? And I truly mean that. Not the servant-type way.”

She glances innocently aside. “I don’t know what you mean, Sir…”

Shaking my head, I throw the crate into my spatial storage and bring out a chest of a similar size. There’s a familiar mark burned into the lid, one that is also present on the bottom of those illegitimate replicas. As the helpful maid stares at it curiously, I open it up.

I barely hold in my laughter as a rainbow of colours reflects in her big eyes, which threaten to pop out of their sockets from shock and disbelief. She swallows heavily, her gaze jumping from one toy to another, as diverse in shape and form as in their hue. When her hand starts floating forward in a trance, I shut the lid down, causing her to jump.

A moment later, I store the chest back, watching her attention snap to me in an instant.

“Thanks for your help. And remember, if you hear any rumours about those still being in circulation, let someone above know. They are dangerous. There’s no need to take risks when you deserve much better.” I grin at her. “I’ll see you later.”

Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t take her long to connect the dots. Before I even finish turning around, her face brightens in realisation. I can already hear her running when I take my first step forward. There’s no doubt the news about this is going to spread in a flash.

Thankfully, the evening isn’t that far away now so it should be fine. Plus, the scene in front of the shop will be more natural with the customers chatting lively about the products they can’t wait to get their hands—and something else—on, instead of a bunch of uncertain individuals without an idea of what to expect.

With that done, I consult my Partner radar and locate Sirgia. She’s been spending her time in plenty of different places during the last few days as we made ourselves more known around the family’s campus. You could either find her in some forge giving lectures and advice or overseeing practice to see if things have changed in her absence. We are going to change lots of policies and methods so she needs a good grasp on the current state of things.

As of right now, she’s where I expected her to be the most.

With a quiet whistle, Diana emerges from my shadow and nuzzles her head into my side. Smiling at the massive wolf, I grasp her fur and let her plunge us both back into darkness, coming out a few seconds later somewhere on the outside. I tried to copy her, but I need way more practice and bonding with the amazing lupine to access her powers just like that.

Besides, she looks very happy to lug me around at my every whim so I don’t want to relieve her of that pleasure.

Giving me an affectionate lick, she returns to watching over me from hiding. I look ahead and spot the sizable stone arch atop a slightly raised platform. It resembles the one in the Beastkin village, and for a good reason. This is the second gate that will connect with the first one.

As soon as it’s finished. It still lacks about a fifth of the structure. And my lovely wife is currently etching runic script into the already prepared section, wearing her usual work getup. Her fellow family members are busy with construction all around her, preparing the ground as well as the arch itself. While at first it will serve just us, there’s no reason not to plan ahead. The clan might allow its use to other families for a small fee.

Not that many would be interested in travelling into a wild jungle or the middle of Human capital, but one day, the gates will decorate the entire world.

Returning the respectful nods I gather while moving closer, I hop onto the platform and make my way to the unfinished overhang. My crafty genius is attached to it with a safety harness that allows Sirgia to do her thing in peace without worrying about falling off. She does assume a slightly weird position, choosing to hang off the structure almost upside down, her hair following the laws of gravity. A pleasant noise of her chisel resonates through the air as she hits it against the portal repeatedly.

Pausing for a moment, she takes a deep breath, relocates the tip, and strikes a new, untouched yet spot. But, the angle is a little off and the chisel slides aside, causing the hammer to follow it and bump into her hand.

“Ah!” She winces as the former falls from her grasp.

Groaning to herself, she bumps her forehead into the arch. Soon after, she draws her face back, blinking in confusion. Following the path of the falling tool, she looks towards the ground, wondering why she hasn’t heard it drop. She finds the answer right away, in the form of my person standing below her, holding the chisel between my fingers.

“That’s it. Break time before you smash those sweet little fingers of yours into mush.” I smirk warmly, holding the mischievous equipment to her. “I’m quite attached to them, you know?”

Her cheeks blossom with a splash of rosiness, her mind undoubtedly recalling plenty of moments where her cute digits have been put to work on other cylindrical instruments.

She takes the tool from me. “I’ll just finish this part and—”

“Not a single hit more. You get down here or I come up there after you.” I cut her off while squinting. “You are about to run out of space to carve in and it’s stressing your comrades out. Not everyone is okay with pushing this hard, you know?”

Blinking a few times, she only just notices that she’s been approaching the edge of the arch. Leaning back, she glances over the construction site and notes the other Dwarves wandering around tiredly, trying to continue forming the portal and all the other elements so that they don’t fall behind. A few are completely drenched in sweat from exhaustion.

Exhaling softly, Sirgia begins fiddling with the harness and I position myself underneath her. After the final strap releases with a click, she drops into my prepared arms, looking properly chastised. I nod at her firmly and give her cheek a small peck to show that I’m not that mad.

“You guys and girls finish up for today too,” I exclaim loudly while turning us around. “I’ll handle this one myself.”

My lover’s face reddens immediately, but it’s not really that which I have in mind. As she holds onto my neck dearly, resting her head against my head, I bring us to the locker room so that she can change into something fresh.

“I’ll wait here while you—”

“Come with me...” Sirgia interrupts me this time, looking into my eyes from below. “I could use some help getting those sticky clothes off…”

I return the stare with a deadpan expression. “That’s the women’s changing room. In case you might have forgotten, which should be quite difficult with a clear lack of two characteristic protrusions that should currently be extending from the chest you are leaning on, I’m a guy. It will cause quite the panic—”

“It will be okay,” she assures me. “They are okay with it.”

Standing with her in my arms in front of the door, I glare at my bold mate. But, as much as I try to read her, there’s no hint of deceit or mischievousness in her intentions. It’s ridiculous, honestly, but I trust she wouldn’t make others uncomfortable knowing that I would be more than angry and disappointed with her.

So, willing to test that theory, I step inside and close the entrance with my heel, expecting to meet chaos.

However, there’s just silence.

There’s no shouting, no screaming, no cursing, and especially no hiding. Whatever state of undress or dress the four ladies that I can see are, they make no move to conceal themselves. 

One is sitting atop a bench with just her bra on, her panties halfway up her calves as she’s been putting them on. On the opposite side, another has just finished pulling her top over her head, keeping her arms raised and her chest pushed up, her booty protected by a pair of shorts. The third girl is thankfully finishing putting on her outfit, pausing with the belts upholding her pants. Unfortunately, the last one stands under the open shower at the end of the room, one foot set on a stone stool and a hand between her spread legs, clearly in the middle of some intimate hygiene.

Sirgia’s gaze roves over each of them before she buries her face in my neck again. The women stop paying attention to us as soon as she does. But, they are in no hurry to get back to their activities, to the point that it looks fairly intentional. I catch them taking evaluating peeks as I walk forward, checking if we are looking. Or more precisely, if I am looking.

Now I wonder what kind of answers my silly little wife has given to some quite predictable questions for them to behave like this.

Not paying attention to them in turn, I stop by the locker Sirgia points at and let her down. Opening it up with a trace of mana, she glances up at me expectantly. Snorting quietly, I lean down and help her with her uniform. The work pants go down first, revealing her pert ass and simple but sexy panties, clinging to her cheeks neatly thanks to how soaked they are, and not from arousal. As she raises her arms, I pull the shirt off her, making it clear she’s not had a bra on, the wet cloth dragging over her breasts. Finally, I crouch down and she daintily steps out of her underwear.

Before I can tell her to get under the shower, she grabs my hand and drags me there. When we reach the one right next to the occupied stall, she gives me her best puppy eyes again. Sighing lightly, I give her a gentle shove and turn the warm water on, causing her to yelp. But, she shows a charming smile after turning around, spotting my lack of clothes that have just been dismissed.

That earns me a few looks. Especially from the woman next door. There are no divisions here so her eyes immediately snap to my waist. Even with me making sure there’s no reaction there, she still seems positively surprised with what she sees.

Making it obvious that I’m not going to humour this sly game for long, I wash Sirgia’s body for her as she takes care of her hair. That doesn’t stop her from humming and straight up moaning whenever I brush her sensitive parts, which do need to get cleaned too. My palms roam over her skin as she pushes her charms more into them whenever she can. The other times she presses herself into me, sneaking in a few pouts after noticing that I’m not letting myself get hard.

Thank the Goddess, she doesn’t seem interested in washing me back. We all know what she would focus on the most.

So, we spend a few quick minutes getting her clean and smothered in physical affection. It’s impossible for her not to enjoy my caresses and she doesn’t hide that fact. I somehow avoid any foul play, even though it gets dangerously close a few times when my fingers glide over her overeager mound.

In the corner of my eye, I spot movement again, thinking that perhaps our companions have finally grown tired of her obvious teasing and gotten back to their own business. Unfortunately, the motions of the hand our neighbour keeps between her legs don’t seem to match with the commonly known washing techniques. I dare to say they are closer to ones that could end up making a mess instead.

As soon as the two of us are done, though, I turn the water off. Sirgia frowns at me for interrupting her fun earlier than she had planned, but I’ve figured out she would just keep it running for many minutes more, just relishing my affectionate touch. Swiping her off the ground, I walk us back to the locker and sit her down on the bench, throwing her a towel for her hair.

Knowing she is going to ask anyway, I grab another and start drying her off, beginning with her feet and then legs. Smiling at me beautifully, she cooperates properly, rubbing the fluffy cloth into her head. When I get to her thighs, she stands up so that I can get between them. A few moans follow as I navigate the ticklish material around her femininity, her hips swaying back and forth to extend the contact. Her stomach, chest, obviously breasts, and arms come after.

Then, she wipes me off, that part I can’t avoid. She hops onto the bench to start with my shoulders, but ends up breezing through the top half like she’s in a race. As expected, she slows down when she gets to my crotch, drying my friend over there with much more care, and considering how she holds onto the towel always from below, intentionally with as much exposure as possible.

I can feel all those pairs of eyes finding angles to catch a peek or two.

Wrapping it up, Sirgia gives me a glance while kneeling in front of me, but I raise a challenging brow at her. She gets the message properly and withdraws with a flush, any ideas shoved aside for now. After she summons a fresh set of underwear from her storage, I guide those onto her, pressing a loving kiss to her tummy after getting her panties up, and another to her collarbone after pulling her sporty top down. With a flick of her hand, she materialises the rest, donning the maid-like uniform of our new shop. I get into my suit too.

As we walk towards the exit, I don’t fail to notice the fact that all four girls are still more or less where they have started out. Though, the one previously almost ready to leave seems to have changed her mind, abandoning her pants. From what I can see, she might need to swap her panties too before doing so. I think she might have sat on something wet

The moment the door closes behind us, an impish giggle escapes Sirgia’s lips. I spin around and flick her on the forehead.

“Ow!” She massages the spot, trying to pout through her happy smile. “That was mean, Master.”

“And that wasn’t?” I ask, referring to the obvious.

“That was just payback,” my lover replies.

“Payback?” I put my fists on my hips.

“Two of them were always a pain in the butt for me back then,” Sirgia explains with a sigh. “Making them a little jealous about something they will never get doesn’t seem like too much of a revenge.”

“How did you know they would be there?” I frown at her.

“I didn’t.” My nonchalant mate shrugs. “If they weren’t there, I wouldn’t put on this much of a show. We would have been done much quicker.”

“What about those uninvolved?” I continue questioning her.

“The ladies rarely get to see a healthy, athletic, well-endowed Human from up close. For some, it might be the very first time. They are more than excited to witness such a rare scene. It’s like a treat for them. Being partially naked during that opportunity isn’t as big of a deal for us than it would be for people in your world, Master,” she replies. “Also, I believe this might have earned us at least one additional customer for today.”

“The girl in the stall?” I snicker while rolling my eyes.

My scheming wife shows a knowing smirk. “The effect would have been stronger if she got to lay her eyes upon the true form of the original model, but her imagination seems to be vivid enough to form a captivating mental picture.”

Shaking my head, I forcefully ruffle through her fragrant hair, taking her aside to spend a few minutes tying it into her beloved dual braids before we leave the building. It calms both of us, all the unaddressed tension slowly receding from our bodies. As much as I can control my physique, my mind has been fully aware of the close contact the two of us experienced. And Sirgia is no different.

Soon after, we hop onto Diana and ride her properly back to Mevana’s place. Lilia and Lilie are tending to the storefront as we arrive, ensuring that the floral decorations are up to standard before the grand opening. I give each of them an appreciative kiss and let them focus on their task. They know I’ll gladly reward them afterwards.

We enter the fully restored shop and look upon all the displays arranged into a neat labyrinth. The counter remained where it had stood before, now also bearing a few glass sections to show a specific line of products. Rows of dildos are arranged in groups revolving around styles, forms, themes, shapes, and many other classifications. Some other kinds of toys have their own spaces too, but those are kept to a minimum for now. No reason to go all out from day one.

The entire place is now decorated with fabrics bearing our characteristic purplish shades, supported by glowing crystals that bathe the chamber in light violet. I’ve argued that such illumination makes it hit too close to a strip club or something similar, but the ladies seemed adamant that it’s just a preconception from my previous world. Sure, purple is still the pimp go to, but lamps aren’t exactly included.

And, well, this is a sex shop in the end.

“I need to go to the bathroom, you go meet the others first, Master,” Sirgia announces before pulling my vest down to place a peck on my cheek.

She skips towards the stairs and disappears into the upper floor right after. Navigating through the maze, I find the entrance to the workshop in the back, give it a knock, and step inside. Mevana and Niel glance at me from one of the counters lined up with more cocks. The former is in her artisanal getup while the latter wears our clerk outfit.

“How is it going?” I wave kindly, shuffling closer to them.

“Well, I think?” Mev scrunches her cute nose and picks up one of the wooden products. “I’m finally getting the hang of this.”

I accept the offering and give it a good look. She gives me one of a common Human size, with a slight bend for the upper half, and a rather slim tip. But, what she refers to are the carved out bits that start on the bottom and go inside. There, she will be able to place Sirgia’s magical pieces that have various functions like vibrating, heating, and so on. It’s been a challenge for our skilled carver.

“Very nice. I knew you could do it. Ever since I saw your first designs. You have talent.” I grin at the thick girl.

“I’m just a mediocre woodworker.” Mevana looks away bashfully. “Niel is the real star here. She helps me a lot. Whenever Sirgia isn’t there to instruct me, of course.”

Turning to the purple-haired lady, I find her staring up at me expectantly. I chuckle warmly as she doesn’t try to deny her input. Leaning down, I give each of them a peck on the forehead.

“You two make a great team. And you are sure you don’t mind working on sex toys instead of something better, Niel?” I tilt my head at Sirgia’s best friend.

She shakes her head vigorously. “I want to be part of what Sirgia is doing. I didn’t intend to go back to artificing after her disappearance, but now, I kind of wish I kept it up, never losing hope that she would one day return. I’ve gotten rusty. Making things like these is a great training to get back into shape. Besides, with these, I know they are going to make many people happy, which has always been our dream. I’m glad to be here.”

“Well, then you two are soon going to become the backbone of a new commercial empire.” I pat them both on the head. “Are you ready to join the richest and most influential women of the kingdom?”

“There’s no way we’ll get that big.” Mev huffs to the side while waving her hand.

“Never say never.” I wag a finger at her. “It’s a known fact that women run the world from the shadows. And you two are going to be supplying the greatest of them with products they won’t be able to live without. Even queens won’t be spared, soon dressing into cloaks and sneaking into the store for a chance to get their hands on the newest models. Trust me, I know from experience.”

They don’t look completely convinced yet, but it’s just something they have to see for themselves. Niel already knows how big of a hit that stolen copy was amongst her clanswomen so she has a small headstart. Wrapping her head around a kingdom-wide craze still seems a bit too hard for her, though.

“I’m here!” Sirgia storms into the workshop, joining us. “Let’s finish up and rehearse before the opening hour.”

Leaving them to discuss their side of things amongst themselves, I walk out without any of the trio noticing and start making the final inventory of things. Mevana will be behind the counter tonight, with Niel guiding customers around the shop. Sirgia will stay in the backroom, and we will offer the more curious visitors a peek into her work, just a tiny glance from afar. I’m taking the front, making sure there’s order. Kind of like a bouncer and valet in one since a massive wolf lying next to the entrance would be too scary.

Time flies as we all busy ourselves with checking stuff and adding the last polish everywhere. The opening comes close and everyone moves into position. There’s still a good moment before people even start to gather, but the girls are way too eager and nervous. I stop by the door and examine our shop.

The floral arrangements are impeccable. But, the biggest gem amongst them is the sizable tulip housing two green females. Lilia and Lilie chose to become our criers tonight. We somehow talked them into wearing our outfits so that they are fairly decent for a public street. They look very pretty and sensual inside their flower. The vibrant cup meshes with everything else perfectly.

Fifteen minutes later, the first customers show up. As instructed, they come in casual clothes. The mannerism remains, though, and I recognise them from the clan. They slowly trickle in and form a loose line, starting to chat with each other about what they are going to choose. From the looks they give me, my guide from earlier today has done her job correctly, leaking enough information as predicted. The group is already discussing options.

Naturally, Sirgia’s family isn’t the only one to show up. The patriarch made sure to use his connections to spread the news about an official store of the Pleasure Queen opening in the capital. Many Dwarves that I don’t recognise join the crowd. Some in pairs, women with their husbands for support or in case it proves to be some kind of a joke or scam.

Soon enough, the street is so full it kind of obstructs the traffic. Which captures even more attention in its own way. Onlookers come closer to see and ask what’s going on. Many stay, some rush to spread the news, and so on.

When the nearby bell tower strikes true, I clap my hands to silence the flock of thirsty girls.

“Hello, everyone. Thank you for your patience. We’ll be opening the shop in just a moment. Inside, you’ll find a plethora of interesting gadgets and curios. Keep in mind that our stock is massive so there’s no need to fight over specific items. We have a load of every product,” I begin.

My words evoke a wave of snickers and chuckles.

“You can view our current stock through the displays, note the number, and ask for packaged copies at the counter, or attract our reliable hostess to open up the cases and let you examine the goods before purchase,” I continue. “I implore you to keep those examinations solely to your fingers. We don’t mind if you get handsy with our display copies, but the more in-depth testing should be left for more personal environments. We support an exchange policy if your chosen goods aren’t exactly the best fit for your needs.”

More giggles and a lot of crimson cheeks.

“Also, there’s an option for custom orders, but these will take a moment to produce. You can leave your contact info with the clerk and we’ll get back to you after tonight to arrange a meeting where we can discuss the details. Please, try to not overwhelm our girls with your requests today. Believe me, they are as excited about this opening as you are, but they need to last the entire evening with barely any room for rest in between the rounds.”

With one final chorus of laughs, I bow to the crowd.

“Having said all of that, I officially invite you into the Pleasure Queen. By women, for women, made with effort and care rivaling royal wares.” I nudge the door open. “Because we all know deep in our hearts that every woman is a queen of her own.”

I’m fairly sure the last remark makes a few ladies swoon, but the line is merciless and they are moved forward alongside everyone else. I greet everyone respectfully while hiding a mechanical counter in my hand, ticking down the visitors. It’s both for the traffic reports later and knowing how many have entered so far. Part of my job is making sure the shop isn’t overfilled.

So, short of reaching our comfortable capacity, I politely stop more people from going in. It doesn’t make the leftover individuals happy, but this is something that can’t be argued with. They still get to peer through the entrance, their eyes gleaming with wonder at the sight of so many unique toys.

Things move fairly calmly, with the servants from Sirgia’s family getting their first picks and exchanging their vouchers for a free copy. However, as expected, few of them stop at that. They leave the shop with multiple additional models, paying full price without batting an eye. Barely anyone haggles, wanting nothing more than to run straight home and give their new acquisitions a test run.

Or a test ride in this scenario.

Two hours in, the crowd more or less disperses. We still have plenty of visitors, but the front isn’t clogged anymore. One more hour later, I can finally move inside and help watch over the store, still counting the customers as they trickle in. Niel happily advises whoever seeks her guidance or help with making a pick. Mevana mostly operates the cash register, but she also chats with the guests over the displays at her counter.

It looks like a night without any accidents.

Which makes it obvious that things are way too perfect.

Soon enough, I hear Lilia’s voice in my head. ~A group of three male Dwarves are heading in, Master. They don’t look happy about that.~

Sharing the news with the others, I give them a nod and turn to the doors. As soon as the first guy appears, I cross his path, stopping a trio dressed in rather simple suits.

“Welcome to the Pleasure Queen! All of our attendants are currently busy but I’m more than glad to be of assistance! Are you looking for a gift for a wife? A surprise present for a girlfriend? Or maybe something for yourselves?” I give them my best customer-service smile.

Naturally, the unintended jab makes the frontman bristle.

“We are not here to get your pathetic cocks shoved into our arses!” he bellows back at me. “In fact, you are going to be the one getting fucked!”

Bringing a hand to my lips gingerly, I take a step back. “Oh, dear customer, I’m afraid those aren’t the services we are selling here. But… For a handsome guy like yourself… Why don’t you visit about an hour after we close up… I’m sure we can work something out…”

His brain shortcircuits for a moment, freezing long enough for one of his cronies to shove him aside.

“Enough of your games, Human!” the second guy shouts too. “We are here on official business! You are infringing on a known trademark and have three days to close your operations before the case is taken to the authorities!”

Our guests are getting a bit anxious about this stand-off so I better wrap it up quickly.

“And whose trademark are we infringing on?” I ask innocently.

“The Stockhawkers!” the first man chimes back in, bringing up their symbolic ceramic dildo. “See this brand here? You should have made a better job at copying our shit! Can’t even be arsed to remove the logo!”

Now, that’s rich.

But, I shouldn’t lash out. There’s always a chance that the majority of the family doesn’t know and these are just grunts sent out to secure their rights, not aware that the whole thing is bullshit from the ground up.

“I think there’s some kind of a misunderstanding.” I wave my hands placatingly. “This is and always has been our official brand sigil that’s been used in our other business locations and enterprises. And since we have only just moved into the Dwarf lands, there shouldn’t be any of our goods distributed here yet. I would like to kindly ask you to provide information on where you got that imitation.”

“Imitation?!” He growls like an animal. “Boy, you have no idea what you are talking about! You better stop this before we add defamation to the case! Or should we go straight to the crown? You wouldn’t want that, would you, swindler?”

“Actually, we would.” A new voice joins in, and Sirgia walks out from behind me.

“And who the fuck are you supposed to be?” The second crook frowns at her.

“Gentlemen, meet Sirgia Forgegraver.” I gesture at my lover like a great butler. “The one true Pleasure Queen and the hands behind over ninety-nine percent of designs you can see over our shoulders. The other one percent is combined effort.”

“Ha! And I’m the Patriarch of the Stockhawker Household!” The main villain cackles openly. “Goddess, I so fucking wish. I would have dealt with all you conmen on the spot.”

“But you can’t,” Sirgia says sternly. “And I’m more than happy to deal with your thieving clan as the Forgegraver Patriarch’s Counselor. So, if you are this eager to get yourselves stripped of all your rights and privileges, run back to your owner and tell him to arrange a meeting at the Ministry of Patent Safekeeping. I’ll bring our stamped documents for verification anytime.”

As they stare at her incredulously, she throws her arm towards the door.

“Now get out of my shop before I have my guard throw you out like the trash you are!” she yells at them.

The leader opens his mouth to say something, but pauses when he sees and hears me cracking my knuckles. They might be chonky, but going against a person almost twice your size when you are standing in the doorway isn’t the best decision.

He sneers at my mate while turning his group around. “We’ll see how you’ll sing in front of the court! You’ll pay for this humiliation!”

They hastily retreat, unfortunately tripping over the short stairs out, falling like bowling pins, bouncing off one another. A few onlookers chuckle at their clumsiness and the band of red-faced Dwarves sprints behind the corner. I spot a few greenish vines slithering back from the steps and give our poster girls thumbs up.

When I come back inside, the girls have already finished reassuring the remaining customers that everything is alright and it’s just been a typical obstruction of business as someone now sees us as their rival.

Just half an hour after the incident, the Lilies note another fellow rushing our way and I move to intercept, surprised that the trio has already had enough time to act. A butler stumbles inside, catching his breath by the inner wall. Seeing my tense posture, he takes a step back.

“I bring a message for Lady Counselor!” he states hesitantly.

Sirgia saunters to my side. “Yes?”

“The main branch has sent a missive,” the man shares.

Well, that was faster than either of us thought.