The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 18 〉 Chapter 18. Daydream.

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**

I like kind people.

The kind people I'm referring to are those who truly empathize with the pain of others, who weep alongside those who grieve.

Such beautiful actions warm my heart just by observing them from afar, and evoke a strange, tingling sensation from deep within.

To me, they are like the twinkling stars in the night sky.

When I've lost my way, they've come to me and become guiding stars, showing me where to go.

And when I've been alone and desolate, they've been by my side, my cheerful companions.

So.

Because such people are so wonderful, so lovable, so precious to me...

I wanted them to grow and reach greater heights.

Don't they deserve that position more than a worthless bug like me, a glitch in the system that shouldn't even exist?

Kind people deserve to be rewarded.

But just as a tree needs water and nutrients to grow, growth requires sacrifices.

However, isn't it too cruel to force such a tragic fate, to be consumed by someone else, upon those who live a precious, single life?

That's why this is something only I can do.

I'll work hard.

Even if it means sacrificing my own insignificant life for them.

And in the very end...

It's enough if they just grieve and weep for me.

A single tear.

A single flower.

That's the worth of my existence.

**

"....Ah..."

Clatter, clatter, the distinct, cold, hard sound of ceramic echoed from afar, seemingly through the walls. The irregular rhythm, lacking a consistent beat, was enough to wake me from my sleep.

It seems like Big Sis Elli is preparing a meal.

What time is it?

I'm still drowsy, my mind hazy from sleep.

Since I couldn't see, I had no way of knowing whether it was morning, noon, or night. Big Sis Elli, who always told me the time whenever I was curious, was far away now.

Well, I should go out.

When in doubt, it's best to go out.

"......"

I pushed aside the blanket that was covering me and diligently fumbled around, searching for what I needed. Although I was receiving treatment, my left arm wasn't completely healed, so I busied my right hand, which was relatively intact.

Thump, I soon felt the familiar touch of the cane. Its length and weight were adjusted for a child like me.

It seems I found it faster than any other day these past few days. Am I getting used to living like this?

—Stagger, stagger.

"...Ugh... Ungh..."

I slowly got up, using the cane for support.

Tap, tap, I walked, tapping the floor with the cane in a steady rhythm.

Big Sis Elli, ever considerate, had removed all unnecessary furniture to make it easier for me to move around with bandages over my eyes, so even if I walked straight ahead without thinking, there was no risk of bumping into something and getting seriously injured.

Thanks to that, I could walk towards the direction of her voice without much worry.

I really like it.

After taking a few steps, the smell of food grew stronger.

Thump, I felt a bump with my toes. I must have crossed the threshold. This must be the kitchen. The clinking sounds were definitely louder than before.

She's right in front of me.

"—Ah, you're awake already."

"Big Sis Elli!"

Her clear, melodious, and polite voice greeted me. I thought to myself every time I heard it, but her voice was so beautiful.

Saelli, whom I called Big Sis Elli for short, stopped what she was doing the moment she saw I was awake and rushed towards me.

You might ask if I could see her doing that, but to be precise, I didn't see it, but felt it.

There were quite a few times I was born blind.

Of course, there were far more times I became blind due to someone else.

It was an interesting experience to occasionally lose my sight, the sense we rely on the most.

"Oh my, I must have been a little noisy."

"Uu, no, it's okay."

Swish, she took the cane from my hand and leaned it against the wall, then gently embraced me as if I were a delicate glass figurine.

A gentle concern for my well-being, something I rarely felt in my life, enveloped me.

My parents didn't hug me often, Remi's hugs were always awkward, Anna's hugging skills were top-notch, but her figure was a bit…unfortunate. Yeah.

I enjoyed her kindness.

So kindness was in the chest, huh.

"Heehee…"

"I was going to wake you up when the food was ready, but... It's really dangerous for you to walk around alone, isn't it?"

"Hmm... I just, woke up and felt uneasy because Elli wasn't by my side... Sorry..."

"...I see."

She gently stroked my hair.

As if I were a soap bubble that would burst at the slightest touch, she used such a light touch that it was almost imperceptible.

But even such a touch felt pleasant, and a smile naturally formed on my face.

Being held in her warm embrace, sleepiness returned. Ah, I need to eat...

But I'm sleepy.

I want to stay like this, just a little longer.

"Really... what am I going to do with you."

"Hehe..."

I decided to enjoy her kindness a little longer before eating.

**

The meal was a clear soup, like a thin porridge.

I couldn't describe it any other way. I couldn't taste it, and I couldn't see it.

Elli apologized, saying she could only offer this for now. She said I had to avoid heavy foods because my internal organs and body weren't fully healed yet.

Well, I was the kind of person who thrived not on the taste and aroma of food, but on the sincerity and affection behind it, so it didn't matter to me.

The soup had a smooth, creamy texture that coated my mouth pleasantly.

A few spoonfuls.

Clink, the spoon hit the empty bowl.

I'm done.

"Elli! It was soooooo~ delicious!!"

"It was just a humble meal."

"Uu, I'm serious!"

"Haha..."

The meal ended quickly.

The portion was just right, not too heavy for my body, and the temperature was perfect, making it easy to eat.

I like people who take care of every little detail like this.

Because it's something you can only do if you genuinely care about others.

After the meal, Elli carried me back to my room. I enjoyed the short trip, clinging to her like a baby koala.

Dangle, dangle.

"~♬"

"It's dangerous to swing around—"

After passing a few rooms and corners, we arrived at my room. She gently placed me on the bed. I was greeted by the rough texture of the mattress, hardly plush.

Hoo, a small sigh escaped her lips.

It was a routine we followed every morning after breakfast.

"—Is it 'disinfection' time, Big Sis Elli?"

"....Yes."

"Ugh… It hurts, but I'll try to bear it!"

"....Okay."

Her reply was much shorter than usual, and there was a long pause before she spoke again. What was she thinking, looking at me?

I felt a slight tremor in Big Sis Elli's hand as we held hands. Her breathing became a little ragged, a little faster.

Guilt, sorrow, and— excitement, I sensed those emotions.

Since I can't see, it's hard to tell. I need to see her expression to make an accurate judgment.

Disinfection.

That's what Elli called what she was about to do.

I stretched out my arms as far as I could. Elli's hands approached and started unbuttoning my clothes, one by one.

She undressed me with practiced movements, and I felt a sense of liberation as the cool breeze from the open window tickled my skin.

My top came off first, then my bottoms. Then the bandages around my stomach, calf, and left hand were all removed.

Finally, she reached for the bandage covering my eyes and said softly.

"...Because when one eye moves, the other moves with it, you need to keep them closed, even if it's itchy, to prevent further damage to the injured eye."

"Okay, Big Sis Elli."

"...You're such a good child. Yes, so well-behaved."

Rustle, the bandage covering my eyes was removed. Even though my eyes were still closed, the light that had been blocked by the bandage could now reach my retinas, piercing through my eyelids.

It's bright.

And I'm curious.

Big Sis, I'm sure your words are always right.

But—

—Was it really necessary to cover my eyes so tightly when the eyeballs themselves weren't damaged?

You're such an interesting sister, the more I learn about you.

The 'medicine' was nothing more than ground herbs that seemed to have been picked nearby. The 'bandages' were crude and uneven, as if they were torn from cloth.

How did she even save me?

The secret must lie in what she's about to do now.

I felt the urge to open my eyes and uncover Elli's secret, but being the well-behaved child I was, I diligently kept them closed.

The moment I opened my eyes, our relationship would change. I faithfully followed my intuition, honed over countless years.

Yes.

Not yet, not yet.

Just a little longer, until she truly cherishes me.

Until she feels regret and sorrow for me.

I have to wait until then.

"—Then, I'll begin."

"...Yes."

Well, the seeds have been planted. They'll sprout soon. I'll endure until then.

Her voice, as if whispering a secret, reached my ears from close by.

I felt her breath against my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I tried to pull back, but my right hand, the only one I could move freely since it wasn't injured, was already intertwined with Big Sis Elli's left hand.

Her hand encircled me from behind.

Like a predator, preparing to devour its prey.

"....."

"....."

Pant, pant.

I heard breathing. Was it mine, or hers?

I felt warm air periodically blowing on my eyes. It was as if she was breathing life back into me.

From what I know, disinfection is the process of sterilizing a wound with antiseptic to prevent secondary infection caused by pathogens.

Big Sis Elli's disinfection seems to have a slightly different meaning.

It's strange, really.

But how could a ten-year-old child who grew up sheltered in the royal palace, a child who couldn't even remember her own name properly, know such 'common sense'?

No, would she even consider this to be 'normal'?

That's why I didn't question it and obediently followed her words.

With an attitude that would believe her even if she said day was night.

Big Sis Elli...

I want to know more about you.

What are you hiding, my dear sister?

So, I'll pretend I don't know for now.

For now...

"—Sorry."

"....??"

Sorry, I thought I heard those words whispered into my ear. Lost in thought, I had missed what she had said.

I tried to ask her to repeat herself, but before I could, the hand that was encircling me from behind tightened its grip.

Squeeze.

And—

—Lick.

"—Hieeeek!?"

"........Haa."

Something warm and wet started licking my eyes.

Although I had been mentally preparing myself, that preparation crumbled mercilessly, and my mouth involuntarily let out a sound.

Despite experiencing it a few times these past few days, I couldn't get used to that feeling.

Lick, lick.

**

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