The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 34 〉 Chapter 34. Hamster Wheel.

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I wish life was a hamster wheel.

How nice would it be to live as a squirrel, running mindlessly, aiming to complete just one rotation a day?

But the days that pass by,

The pages of the calendar that are torn off one by one,

The hair that keeps growing back no matter how much you cut it,

—They all show that life is not a hamster wheel that’s fixed in one place.

It's like a bicycle, moving forward as you pedal.

I wake up early in the morning to the rooster's crow, start my day by fetching water and doing chores.

Pulling weeds, doing laundry, tending the yard.

Getting fed, receiving a small amount of money.

My life is just about spending my free time chatting with Rumi, living each day cautiously, clinging to others, begging for scraps.

Well, yes.

I'm getting by, somehow.

For now, I can survive on their meager pity.

But what about next year? The year after that? Ten years from now?

Will I still be able to live like this?

A question that plagues me every evening as I try to sleep.

But no matter how much I agonized over it, no matter how much I tried to solve the problem, I couldn't find an answer that guaranteed my survival.

Because there's no teacher to answer my questions, no friend to solve them for me, no one.

Here, there's only a lost and wandering soul, a lost child who has lost her spark.

Only me.

—Whoosh.

"Ughh......"

Watching the autumn wind, now turning cold, stripping the leaves from the trees, I wandered aimlessly through the colorful mountains.

Even though my life revolved around doing chores for food and a small amount of money, I surprisingly had a lot of free time.

It was, strange, really.

Despite living in an era where tasks that could be done in an instant with machines in the modern world required hours of manual labor, the time spent working was actually shorter.

How ironic.

"It's even more ironic that I died and woke up in this kind of world."

That's true.

Crunch, crunch.

The piled up fallen leaves that reached my ankle crunched softly under my feet as I walked.

Wandering alone in a mountain valley where dangerous wild animals could be lurking wasn't exactly a recommended activity, but what could I do?

I felt like I couldn't endure it any longer if I didn't do something like this.

A small act of rebellion, a small act of defiance, something like that.

Can't you allow a model student who has been enduring so diligently a little bit of freedom?

"Ah — I wish I had been born a tree instead."

Of course, even trees have their own hardships that I don't know about.

Like a woodcutter suddenly chopping them down, or a landslide, things like that.

A life where you can't even move, where you have to accept death quietly.

But at this moment, I envied those trees.

Because it seemed better than this.

At least trees can be used as firewood, right?

Thump.

"Oh."

I spotted some wild raspberry growing in a nearby bush, I picked one and popped it into my mouth.

It was a plump, ripe fruit, despite it being autumn.

Even though I couldn't even properly distinguish between herbs and weeds, as the saying goes, 'Even a dog that's been around the temple for three years can recite Buddhist scriptures,' I could at least recognize a raspberry, after three years of living in a village. (TL Note: Classic proverb)

Is this, a good change?

I don't know.

"—Yum."

The raspberry burst in my mouth with a refreshing pop. Unlike the modern raspberries that had been bred for sweetness, this one was tart and sour, or to put it nicely, it had a strong, natural flavor.

Honestly, it wasn't that delicious.

"Ughhh…"

I found a sunny spot, perfect for a nap. Thump, thump, I kicked away the fallen leaves with my feet.

Is this good enough?

My skirt would definitely get dirty, but I left the task of brushing off the dirt to my future self and leaned against a tree, closing my eyes.

".......Haaam." (Yawn)

Ah, I really hate this.

I hate it.

It would be nice if I got eaten by something, just like this.

Painlessly, while I'm sleeping soundly.

Really…

Re…ally…

Dark… ne…

**

Rustle, rustle.

I felt a warm, gentle touch against my hair.

Back in the old days, Mom would often stroke my hair like this instead of waking me up, even when it was time for school.

Well, I would always get angry at her for making me sleep in and rush out of the house.

A loving touch, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

Is this, a dream?

But it's too happy to be a dream—

It was a dream I wanted to have forever, if it were one.

"....— —...— —?"

"....Uh... Mm..."

Despite my small wish for this moment to last forever, my consciousness was gradually returning.

A faint voice.

The fresh scent of grass and the cool breeze.

As I listened to the pleasant sounds, little by little, strength slowly returned to my body.

At the same time, a few questions automatically came to mind.

What, was I doing just now?

Who, is touching my hair?

The answer to those questions came from right behind me.

"—Sis? If you sleep in a place like this, you'll catch a cold."

"—Hieeek!?"

A high-pitched, childlike voice, unique to young girls, reached my ears.

—It tickles.

"—!!!"

Whoa, whoa, I let out a pathetic scream, even to my own ears, and jumped up as if I were a spring.

But maybe it was because I had just woken up? My legs wobbled, and I had no choice but to fall to my knees.

Thud, like a person prostrating themselves in apology. (TL Note: aka a kowtow)

A perfect change of posture, fitting for my current situation.

"........"

"...Hmm?"

To describe the current situation in one word, well, it's like this.

It was fucking, *embarrassing.*

"Heeheehee!"

".....Ugh..."

It was so incredibly, fucking embarrassing.

Clap, clap, clap, a small round of applause came from behind, as if witnessing something amusing, only deepened the wound in my heart.

The laughter, filled with pure joy, was the final blow.

C-Could you please… stop..

All I could do was cover my face with both hands.

Of course, the laughter didn't stop.

Please… Stop it…

My earlobes burned with embarrassment, and I could imagine the color of my face without even looking in a mirror.

Aware or not of my state, the person who had presumably stroked my hair slowly walked towards me.

The sound of footsteps on fallen leaves, so light.

Tap. The child stopped.

"Sis, are you okay?"

There was still a hint of laughter in her voice, but it was also filled with genuine concern for me.

My weak tear ducts, overwhelmed by the wave of shame, threatened to spill tears, but I managed to stop myself with all my might.

If I do that too... I'll really... die... No, I'm going to die…

"...I'm, a little hurt."

"…Eeeeh!? Really? Wh-where?"

Yeah… My heart, hurts a lot.

But I couldn't bring myself to say those words out loud, I just thought them to myself.

Seeing the child fidgeting anxiously, as if something terrible had happened, I let out a small, wry smile and calmed my face.

Haah, what am I doing to a child?

By the way, why is a child even in these mountains?

Several questions arose, and after composing myself, I lowered my hands from my face and slowly lifted my head to speak to the child.

I was going to speak.

"No, I'm fine..ah....?"

".....??"

Should I say, I couldn't believe my eyes?

Beautiful, flowing silver hair.

Emerald green eyes, as if they held the ocean itself within them.

Her eyes were half-closed as if sleepy, but even that looked charming.

She could be described as 'young', but even considering that, she was definitely beautiful enough to be classified as a 'beauty'.

More beautiful than anyone I had ever met in my life.

That's what I thought.

"........"

"Sis, are you hurt somewhere?"

"........"

"Umm...?"

I froze, still on all fours, both my hands on the ground.

It must have been an awkward position, but I had already been through enough embarrassment to be numb to it.

No, wouldn't anyone react this way if they saw this child in person?

I was so convinced of that statement, so captivated by her beauty, that the child seemed unrealistically beautiful.

I had never seen one in my life, but if fairies existed, would they look like this?

"......Ah.."

"Hmm...? Do you want me to pat your head more?"

The child tilted her head, looking at me.

I just stared at her movements, my mind blank, as if mesmerized.

The child contemplated for a moment.

And then, as if she had realized something, she let out a small gasp and reached out a hand towards my head.

And then—

"....!!!"

"Good girl~ Good girl~"

—Stroke, stroke.

What's going on?

My frozen brain couldn't process the sight before me.

But my eyelids, closing involuntarily as I felt the familiar warmth and comfort against my hair, immediately recognized the sensation.

The touch I had felt just moments ago in my sleep, the touch I had longed for.

Ah.

So it was this child.

"...."

"Hmm, I wish I had the same hair color as Big Sis Elli and you sis…"

The child muttered the name of someone I didn't know, 'Big Sis Elli.'

But I just stayed on all fours, mindlessly enjoying the child's gentle touch.

On all fours.

On… all… fours…?

In front of… this child…?

On… my hands and knees…?

"Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah—!!?"

"—Eeek!?"

I'm crazy. I'm crazy!!

Wowow, I screamed and sprang up like a jack-in-the-box. Again.

The child's eyes widened in genuine surprise at my actions.

My heart warmed at her innocent reaction, but at the same time, I felt so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

Ugh…

Kill me... please...

**

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