The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 37 〉 Chapter 37. Malice.

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**

The only way to soothe a child who constantly craves affection.

Until the child is satisfied.

Until they say they're okay.

Give them sweet affection, sweet enough to melt their brain.

"And then, when the time is right, take it away—"

Then the child will stand on their own.

**

When I was young, I once got my foot stuck deep in the mudflats.

No matter how much I struggled, my foot wouldn't budge; it only pulled me deeper.

What I thought were actions to free myself turned out to be actions that were sinking me deeper.

Yes.

Gradually sinking, until reaching a point of no return.

That describes my current situation perfectly.

"...Alice, how can I die painlessly?"

"Sis Sia, you know you've been saying that for a week now?"

"I know."

"That's good to hear."

I pulled my clothes over my head and screamed.

Waaaaaaaah, a truly pathetic sound, echoed through the depths of the mountain.

Waaaaah—

Waaaah—

Waah—

It was an attempt to shake off the shame, guilt, and regret that had filled my being, but those emotions were generated endlessly, as if violating the first law of thermodynamics, like a perpetual motion machine.

I couldn't help but think that emotions were the true source of eco-friendly energy.

Uwaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

When I closed my eyes, the scene from before replayed vividly in my mind, and when I looked at the scenery around me, the words I had spoken came back to me.

Why, why are these embarrassing memories so vivid?

The things I had desperately memorized during my school days were gone, but these events haunted me, every word perfectly preserved in my memory.

Thump, thump, the unidentified sounds that I heard every night in bed.

I won't reveal the identity, for personal privacy reasons.

Thanks to that, my straw mattress had been reduced to an unrecognizable mess.

And I got scolded by the landlord.

Hngg.

Just kill me…

"Hmm… 'You'll abandon me too in front of everyone, won't you?' Was that it…"

"K-Kuhk!? A-Alice?"

" '—Don't lie!!!' "

"Cough!!"

My outburst was sudden, but Alice, who was beside me, was calmly gathering flowers, as if it were a normal occurrence.

Of course, she didn't stop talking about my dark past.

In response to that, I coughed and jumped to my feet.

But the fact that she could talk about it so casually, as a joke, meant that we had become that close.

The child is acting so playfully; it's all for the sake of alleviating my guilt.

Really.

Everything about her,

Is too good for me.

She's such a good child.

"Don't just stand there, come on~ let's go together!"

"…Uh, okay…"

Rustle, rustle, the cheerful sound of footsteps on fallen leaves.

Her walking through the forest, holding onto my arm, her long sleeves fluttering in the wind, was a sight so magical it seemed like a scene from a movie.

But I, who had noticed a slight imbalance in the child's arm, couldn't fully enjoy the sight.

It was hidden by her long sleeve, but if you looked closely, you could see that something was missing from the gap in her clothes.

Below her elbow, where her wrist should have started. Instead of a wrist, there was a mark, as if it had been bitten off by an animal.

I wonder what happened.

I had never asked her directly.

But it was a day that reminded me of the world's cruelty.

"Here it is, here!"

"....I'm coming."

I suppressed the rising nausea and smiled, following her lead.

I couldn't show the child my ugly side.

"Ta-da~!"

"........"

I fell into a brief contemplation, looking at the pile of flowers she was showing me.

Hmm.

So it has been exactly one week today.

—Since Alice and I became friends.

After her declaration of friendship, I somehow managed to pull myself together and apologized for my past actions, banging my head on the ground.

I knew better than anyone that nothing could truly make up for the wounds I had inflicted.

But even so, I couldn't help but apologize.

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

No matter how hard I was struggling, no matter how desperate my situation, those weren't words I should have said to a young child who had nothing to do with my past.

In front of a child who had lived a life as hard as mine, or perhaps even harder, I was just whining about my own struggles, acting like a spoiled brat.

But Alice, instead of getting angry, told me her name and asked to be friends, instead of demanding an apology.

She said that just because someone else was hurting more, didn't mean my pain wasn't real.

She said it was okay for me to be in pain.

She wanted to share it with me, as friends.

She asked me to be her first friend.

She said those words to me, with a charming smile in her eyes.

I was a sinner, unworthy of even lifting my head, but I couldn't help but reach out and take her small hand at her sweet words.

After that, even though we never made a specific promise, the child would wait for me here every day, and I would climb the mountain to find her after finishing my chores.

A new routine, added to my hamster wheel of a life.

We would talk about our lives, pick flowers, collect interesting-looking pebbles, and if we felt sleepy, we would lean against each other and take a nap.

And that routine, naturally became the most anticipated part of my day.

The reason—

… I'm too embarrassed to say it out loud.

"So... you do it like this...."

"Uh… It's difficult…"

"You can do it!"

I braided the flowers together, combining three or so stems, like braiding hair.

Little by little, I was carefully weaving them, choosing the arrangement of the flowers as the child instructed me.

In my past life, I was a city girl who preferred playing with dolls to outdoor activities, and in this life, I was too busy trying to survive to even think about making one—a flower crown.

I was making a small one with the flowers she had picked.

"Ugh.... This is hard."

"You're doing great~ You're doing great!"

It all started with Alice wanting to make a flower crown as a gift for her older sister.

The child didn't say anything or show it, but I knew her circumstances, so I immediately understood her difficulty.

—Her body wouldn't allow her to properly make a flower crown.

I couldn't bear to watch the child sitting there, frustrated, surrounded by scattered flowers, so I let out a small sigh and decided to help her make the gift.

Well, I couldn't exactly call her older sister a stranger, either.

And so, a few minutes later—

"...There, it's done."

"Wow!! Thank you so much!! You're the best, Sis Sia!"

I joined the flower stems that Alice had woven together, forming a circle, and tied a knot.

As soon as I gave it to her, she started twirling around happily amidst the flowers, overjoyed.

The child, wearing the flower crown around her neck, beaming with joy.

And obviously, nothing remained in my hands.

Only the sight of the child, her face bubbling with happiness, muttering the name of someone I didn't know, 'Big Sis Elli'.

"........"

"Heeheehee!!"

Seeing the child looking so happy, as if I didn’t even exist, out of her mind—

I couldn't help but feel a surge of petty, ugly emotions.

—Tap, tap, tap.

My fingernails tapped against each other, creating an unpleasant sound.

Only after hearing it did I realize I was drumming my nails together.

But in my heart, thoughts even more unbearable than the sound were raging.

What if the child didn't actually like me?

What if she was planning to abandon me?

What if I didn't exist in the eyes of the child who was smiling so brightly—

—Tap.

Yes.

Perhaps, this was an inevitable outcome.

Someone like me, whom she had only known for a short time, who was nothing but a burden, could never compare to an older sister who was like family, someone who took care of her, right?

So this is unavoidable—

"—Sis Sia, here!"

"....Huh?"

Shwoop.

Something colorful suddenly appeared in my vision.

It took me a few seconds to realize it was an object made of flowers.

"I secretly made it by myself for Sis Sia… But, I'm sorry…"

"...."

"Heehee, it's a bit of a mess, isn't it?"

A flower crown, too small to wear around the neck.

I tried it on my wrist, and surprisingly, it fit perfectly.

The combination of flowers was so beautiful that it could fetch a high price if sold at the market, but the way the stems were woven together, even an amateur like me could see the flaws here and there.

It was far inferior to the one the child and I had made together—

"D-Do you not like it?"

"......"

"Uuu…! I’ll make a new one later—"

"—No."

You don't need to make a new one.

I muttered softly and carefully lifted it from my wrist, holding it against my chest.

Thump, thump.

The flowers danced gently along with my heartbeat.

The flames that had been raging just moments ago had died down, leaving only embers behind.

The child kept looking at my expression, fidgeting anxiously.

Seeing her like that, the worries I had been agonizing over felt dumb, and a chuckle escaped my lips.

Honestly.

This child.

"..Haha."

".....Uuu?"

"Hahahaha—!!"

The small chuckle grew louder and louder.

At the sight of the child tilting her head, confused as to why I’m chuckling, I burst into laughter.

Alice puffed out her cheeks and demanded an explanation, but I just kept laughing, not telling her the reason.

I simply pressed her plump cheeks, deflating them, and quickly ran away.

"—Eeeh!!?"

"Hahahahahaha—!!"

Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow.

If not, every day.

It seemed certain that I would be subjected to mental attacks from the child using my own quotes, but I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and I couldn't help but smile.

Because being pranked meant that I could still meet the child.

It meant that our bond would continue.

"I like this."

On a chilly day, as the lake began to freeze over, and winter was approaching.

And on that day, all my hatred melted away like snow.

Cold, yet warm.

It was that kind of day.

**

—Rustle.

"...I knew that witch was up to something."

Behind a thick oak tree.

Stepping on the pile of fallen leaves that reached his knees, a man was watching the two girls.

A heartwarming sight that would make anyone smile, the black-haired girl and the silver-haired child rolling around on the ground.

But in the man's eyes, there was only disgust.

"I'll have to report this to the village head."

With those words, the man hurriedly left the forest.

A suspicious man, radiating an aura of ill intent so strong that even someone who believed that everyone in the world was good would sense he was plotting something.

A great malice was targeting the two girls in the forest.

But unfortunately, they were oblivious to the approaching darkness, simply enjoying their peaceful time.

"—Heehee!"

No, perhaps,

Except for one, who knew.

**

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