The Honest Man’s Counterattack 2003

Ding ding ding!

The bell for class rang. The bathroom was empty, save for Huang Dabiao, who was alone.

Huang Dabiao's face was grim. He crouched down in a horse stance, clutching his stomach. He'd taken a squat position and claimed one of the stalls. After drinking some expired milk in the morning, his stomach felt like it was tumbling and twisting. He was here to take care of business, but he’d gotten so caught up in chasing after Zhao Feng that he nearly forgot the real reason he came.

“Ugh, it’s so stinky…”

Huang Dabiao took a deep breath, savoring the smell. It was foul, but somehow, it was oddly satisfying. He pulled a cigarette from his pack, lit it, and exhaled a puff of smoke. He found a familiar comfort in the haze.

He grabbed a small packet of tissues, clenched them tightly in his palm, and with a grimace, let out a sigh of relief. His expression changed to one of sheer pleasure as he glanced at the wriggling maggots in the corner and the spider webs on the ceiling. For a moment, he began contemplating life.

Soon, he would graduate. Brother Biao was about to make a name for himself. He would work as a supervisor at his family’s construction site. During the day, he'd enjoy delicious food and drinks, and at night, he'd live it up at karaoke bars and clubs. Drunk and carefree every day—what could be more glorious?

After a few years, once everything was stable, he’d travel to the neighboring White Bear Kingdom for a vacation. Maybe he'd even meet a snow-bound beauty and bring her back as a wife. His life would be perfect.

A wicked grin spread across Huang Dabiao’s face as he let his imagination run wild. But suddenly, his hand felt empty. He snapped back to reality and looked up to find Zhao Feng standing right in front of him, twirling the packet of tissues in his hand.

“Zhao Feng, you skipped class! Give me back my tissues!” Huang Dabiao’s face darkened, and he said urgently.

“Brother Biao, it's embarrassing to use too much toilet paper during class. Just use your hands,” Zhao Feng replied, smugly, before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

“Don’t go! Give me back the tissues! Let’s make peace, alright?” Huang Dabiao shouted, but there was no response. He yelled in frustration, “I’m sorry, okay? Just give me the tissues back. We can talk it out. Come back!”

Huang Dabiao was dumbfounded, so furious he was about to explode. His face twitched in anger, his muscles twitching. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. And to make it worse, Zhao Feng had taken advantage of him, stealing his backup toilet paper. Everyone said Zhao Feng was an honest guy, but this wasn’t honesty at all.

“Damn it, Zhao Feng! You’re immoral, shameless, a real scoundrel! You steal my backup and run off? Damn it!”

Huang Dabiao cursed and shouted, almost going mad. He wanted to ask someone for help, to borrow some tissue, but no one was in the bathroom. The class had just started, and it’d be at least an hour before anyone came by to help.

Huang Dabiao nearly broke down in tears. Ever since he had gotten involved with Zhao Feng, his luck had plummeted. He never got any advantages. First, he ran into the principal and got caught, ending up with a bald head and a major demerit. The principal even threatened to expel him.

Then, after school, he tried to ambush Zhao Feng, but never even saw him. On the way home, he got caught in a torrential downpour, caught a bad cold, and ended up in the hospital.

Finally, after recovering from the illness, he ran into Zhao Feng again, who stole his backup tissue, leading to one of the most embarrassing situations in his life.

Now, here he was, in a stall with no paper, and no one around to help. What could he do except use his hands? He was waiting for help, but it looked like it was going to be a long wait.

“Right, I’m a rich man now, I just bought a new phone.”

Huang Dabiao's eyes gleamed as a smug smile spread across his face. He pulled out his brand-new color screen flip phone and dialed up Li You’s pager. The phone rang for a while before it was picked up.

“It’s Brother Biao… I…”

“Stop talking. The homeroom teacher is giving class. If it’s important, talk after class,” came the voice on the other end, abruptly hanging up.

Huang Dabiao stared at the disconnected call, his face falling. He quickly redialed another number—the pager of Hou San, his other classmate. After a long wait, the call was finally answered.

“Brother Biao, congratulations! Zhao Feng was late for class and had to stand for an hour. Satisfied now?”

“Congratulations my ass! I’m in the bathroom with no paper! Hurry and bring me some!” Huang Dabiao shouted, frantic.

“Damn, Brother Biao, you’re really something. Not even bringing paper when you go to the bathroom... I…"

Suddenly, a loud, angry female voice interrupted, like a lioness roaring.

“Hou San! You’re on the phone during class! This affects the entire class! Stand for an hour! Leave the phone with me. You can come pick it up after class.”

“Teacher Guo, I wasn’t planning to, but I had a family emergency. I’ll be gone for just fifteen minutes, is that alright?”

“Not for this class. Just leave,” Teacher Guo’s voice came through sharply.

“Thanks, Teacher.”

As soon as Hou San managed to get leave, Huang Dabiao breathed a sigh of relief, grinning widely. In his moment of triumph, he accidentally let go of his phone. It dropped, falling straight toward the pit beneath him. The combined forces of gravity and free fall ensured that there was no way to stop it.

Huang Dabiao froze, his face going pale. He looked down and saw his phone sinking into the pit. He screamed in agony.

“No, no, no, no, no… Damn it!”

“My new phone fell into the pit!”

“Zhao Feng, you bastard! I’ll kill you!”

“It was a 5800 yuan color screen phone! My dad’s going to kill me! I’ve got to get it back!”

The pit was terrifying—maggots crawled across the surface, flies swarmed in groups, and the phone floated on top, its colorful screen still glowing. Zhao Feng’s call log was on the display.

Huang Dabiao covered his face, wailing in despair.

“This damn pit!”

“This damn pit is such a scam!”

“Zhao Feng, you’ve killed me!”

“I need to get my phone back. How do I get down there?”

Hou San rushed into the bathroom, handing Huang Dabiao a roll of rough paper, his face full of frustration.

“Brother Biao, you’ve really ruined me. Teacher Guo confiscated my pager, and after class, I’ll have to go take the scolding.”

Huang Dabiao grabbed the paper, quickly finished his business, and stood up, muttering angrily, “The pager is a small thing, but my phone fell into the pit! What am I going to do?”

“It fell into the pit?” Hou San asked, his expression turning strange. He looked down at the pit and couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

“Hahahahaha!”

Hou San laughed so hard that his face turned red. He was clearly enjoying this.

“Stop laughing! It was a slip of the hand, okay?”

Huang Dabiao glared at Hou San, feeling his IQ was insulted. He stared hard at Hou San, who was thin and tall, weighing barely a hundred pounds and looking like a stick figure.

Huang Dabiao’s eyes lit up as if he had discovered a treasure. He grabbed Hou San’s hands excitedly.

“Monkey, we’re brothers, right?”

Hou San recoiled, startled, taking several steps back. He weakly answered, “Of course we’re brothers, but I’m a man…”

Huang Dabiao shook Hou San’s hands and grinned widely. “Monkey, please do me a favor, okay? I promise I’ll take you out for a barbecue tonight!”

Hou San quickly shook his head, sensing danger. He forced a smile and said, “Brother Biao, stop messing around. I need to get back to class.”

Huang Dabiao growled, “Enough talk! Brother Biao is begging you. You can’t refuse. Help me get my phone out of the pit. You don’t agree? You’ll have to agree.”

Hou San broke out in a cold sweat, his face turning purple as he grumbled, “Spare me! I can’t get down there! If I fall in, I won’t be able to climb out! I’ll just stink to death!”

Huang Dabiao smiled confidently. “Don’t worry, Brother Biao has it all figured out. I’ll go grab two jump ropes from the gym, tie them to your waist as a safety harness, and I’ll pull you up from above. You’ll be safe.”

Hou San sighed in exasperation. “I’m afraid you won’t be able to pull me up. Let’s just call for help and get someone else to do it.”

Huang Dabiao was nearly bouncing with excitement. “No problem! You just have to agree.”

Hou San smirked, “Alright, I’ll agree, but you owe me a barbecue AND a night of online gaming.”

Huang Dabiao clapped Hou San on the shoulder, grinning. “Good brother! I’m off to get the ropes, and you get the others. Meet in the bathroom in five minutes. We need to act fast, the phone might sink!”

Hou San nodded, “Okay.”

The two quickly split up and rushed out of the bathroom.

[--------------------------------------------]

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