Heretical Fishing

Book 4: Chapter 29: Thieving Little Paws

Almost an hour later, the scents of beef tallow, garlic, and a few other herbs and spices wafted up from my barbecue. The delicious smell of cooking fish was under every subtle note that hit my nose, a foundation that supported the others. I hadn’t expected it, but the lightning-infused shore fish covering the hotplate before me smelled different than usual. It was a hint of freshness, something hard to put into words unless you experienced it.

Peter was at my side, plating up and covering a dozen or so lightning-infused cichlids that, because of their size, had already cooked through. Behind us, multiple bonfires were blazing. Rocky rested in between all of them, feeding tiny amounts of volcanic chi into their centers, the marble-sized sources of heat he provided more than enough to make them roar.

Atop each fire, brand new trays sat, specially made lids trapping steam to cook the fish within. Each little oven contained a combination of ingredients, whose different scents and flavors would permeate the meal to come.

Despite how exciting it was to have a crab as a fuel source, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the hotplate before me. Bubbles of golden fat rose from underneath each fish fillet, popping before being immediately replaced by more of their kind. The never-ending stream hypnotized me.

“Ozone,” Peter said.

“Sorry?” I asked, having absolutely no clue what he was talking about.

“The fresh smell you’re trying to identify. It’s hard to tell because of the… well, everything going on. The fish has a hint of ozone compared to regular shore fish.”

“Ohhh! You’re right!” I clapped him on the shoulder. “I should have asked you immediately. What’s your cooking skill now?”

He leaned close with a borderline-wicked smile. “Ninety six.”

“Fischerrrr! Peterrrr!” came a beautiful voice.

I turned, already sensing Maria’s position as she sprinted up from the beach. There was something else there too, and before I could sense it with my chi, I saw it with my eyes.

“Holy frack,” Peter said.

“My thoughts exactly...”

It wasn’t often that I experienced the child-like wonder of coming across a new species. Maria held just such a prize high overhead, its scales reflecting the light of numerous fires as she brought it closer. Behind her, the rest of them—cultivators and regular humans alike—followed. With the fish Maria had caught, we had all the food we needed.

With how well lit the scene was, I could clearly see the fish’s features. For the most part, it was your standard pelagic species. Long, silvery, and with a forked tail that indicating speed and agility, this creature was a hunter. Where its appearance differed however, were several long, thread-like fins growing from underneath its body, right below the gills.

My eyes were drawn in, and words occupied my vision.

Mature Lightning-Infused Threadfin Salmon

Fleeting

Known for its boneless fillets that are rumored to boost vitality when cooked and eaten, this fish has been temporarily infused with lightning to celebrate the ascension of an Elemental. Infused creatures have their chi content significantly increased for three hours.

“Wowwwwwwww!” Slimes called as I dismissed the message, his high-pitched voice unmistakable. “It’s so big and so full of chi and probably so tasty that I can’t wait to have a taste of—Oh! I’m tired. Goodniiiight!” Before the slime could finish singing the last word, he started sinking into shoulder he sat on. There one moment and gone the next, his presence settled within Maria’s core.

Her face was more than a little conflicted as she skidded to a stop, the fish still raised high above her. She furrowed her brow and looked down at her abdomen.

“You, uhhhh…” I trailed off, searching for the words. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just...” She shook herself. “That was unexpected.”

“How did that feel?” Peter asked. “Because it looked horrific.”

I barked a laugh. So did Maria. “Yeahhh, it didn’t feel as bad as it probably seemed. I just felt his chi shoot down my torso, then into my core. I guess he can’t come out for very long? Little fella seems exhausted.”

“Thank the rigid rudder of Tyche,” Danny said, stoking a bonfire. “I’m not sure I could listen to him go on for much longer. If I hear I’m a boy one more time, I might walk into the ocean and never return.”

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“Hey!” Maria kicked sand at the former quartermaster. “He hasn't been able to speak for long! Slimes is just making up for lost time!”

“Maybe I’m just extra irritable from having to listen to Keith’s constant moaning.” Danny, grinning ear to ear, shot a taunting look at the former royal, then continued in a nasal voice, “Wahhh, I grew up rich. Life in a castle was sooo hard, and my family were all royal pricks that—

Snap.

Fwoom!

Trent, who was sitting next to Keith on a wooden bench, had clicked his fingers. A torrent of flames exploded from the fire Danny was tending, singing his beard, clothes, and, worst of all, his pride.

He stood to his full height and stomped over, staring down at his attacker for a long moment… then burst into laughter. “Fair play. Suppose I deserved that one.”

“You’re lucky he held back,” Maria added. “You might not have any hair left if he hit you with the flames I’ve seen him unleash.”

Trent, who’d been all scowls and conflicted emotions for as long as I’d known him, couldn’t contain his laugh. I soaked it in, delighting in the effect companionship, humor, and the promise of food had on his demeanor.

Maybe anime was right all along—even the tallest of walls could be broken down with the power of friendship.

“So,” Maria said, holding her prized threadfin so close to my face that it took up most of my vision. “Should we cook this bad boy? I’m guessing ‘boosted vitality’ means more chi if its cooked, but do we have time? The rest of the food is almost done...”

“It is, yeah. I think everyone should be here with the salads and stuff at any moment.”

She frowned. “I know we won’t let it go to waste, but I was hoping we could eat it as part of the feast…”

“Lucky for you, your husband to be is as prepared as he is clever and handsome.”

“And humble, right?”

“That goes without saying.”@@novelbin@@

She nodded sagely. “Well then, my humble, clever, and handsome husband-to-be, what have you prepared for this catch? How do you suggest we cook it all in time?”

I held my hands high overhead, pausing there for dramatic effect. After a sufficient amount of time had passed, I started swirling my arms as if moving chi. Finally, I clapped twice, the sharp sound echoing off the nearby headland. “Pot!” I yelled. “Big pot!”

Maria gave me a curious look, and when nothing happened, she glanced around. “Uhhh, I’m not sure what kind of spell you were trying to cast, but I don’t think it worked.”

“Of course it did.” I pointed directly up. “Big pot.”

In the sky high above, held aloft by the white wings of an oceanic bird, a giant pot descended. Bill let go, and with ease only possible because of my enhanced body, I caught the mass of crafted metal. It was half as tall and wide as I was, and as I set it down on the ground, I received a gift of the greatest value: the look on Maria’s face. Somewhere between outraged and impressed—with a hint of disgust thrown in for good measure—it was a visage all men dreamed of drawing from their significant others when they pulled off something ridiculous.

“Fischer...”

“Yes, darling?”

“Did you have Bill carry that overhead for this exact moment?”

“What? Don’t be absurd.” I shot her a sidelong smirk. “I had Bill and Pelly carry all the new cooking equipment onto the headland. It was for storage reasons, and definitely not so that I could pretend to summon any cookware we needed, like I was some kind of red-haired house witch. And while we’re on the topic of things I definitely didn’t do, I absolutely did not tell Private Pelly to make it rain sweet treats from up high if no one requested anything.”

Liar, Pelly honked from above, a basket filled with said sweet treats clutched in her flippers.

Maria did her best to stare into my soul. “You have way too much time on your hands.”

“Agreed, but that’s not important right now. We need to cut up and crumb this fish of yours. If we fill the pot with oil, we’ll be able to cook it in a single batch!”

“All right. Let’s do it!” She looke. down at her abdomen. “It’s a shame about Slimes, though. I wanted everyone to meet him.”

“Yeahhh. We’ll have to settle for introducing our little racoon friend.”

“I guess so. Are you still sure you don’t want to give him chi-filled food yet?”

“I am one-thousand percent sure. The last thing we need is two sapient beings popping up at once. The fact that the fish are lightning-infused also scares me—who knows what effect it could have?” I sighed, shaking my head. “Knowing my luck, it’ll happen within a couple weeks anyway. As long as we have a few days between them, I’ll count it as a wi—”

A burst of chi swelled behind me, and I whirled on the spot. The sight that met me made my blood turn to ice.

The tray atop the barbecue, the one containing the cooked cichlids, sat askew. Its lid had been silently opened, the revealed gap just large enough for two thieving little paws to enter. Next to the crime scene, perched on his back haunches with a fish raised to his mouth, the raccoon took another bite of the lightning-infused cichlid he’d yoinked.

Despite not yet swallowing his second chomp, the fish’s chi already suffused his furry little body, forging a path toward the spot where a core would form.

In my peripheral vision, I could see the approach of at least a dozen people, their arms laden with trays and bowls. Sharon, Maria’s mother, called something. I didn’t hear it; I only had moments to avert disaster.

Reaching forward, I grabbed for my power, willing to try anything. I had to stop the thieving little bastard from ascending via lightning-infused essence. His eyes flicked to me with unnatural speed, the movement making my senses flare, and I knew it was too late. The chi was already within him.

Still moving too fast for a regular racoon, he hopped backwards and swallowed. Electricity exploded from his body, striking sand, sky, and everything in between.