The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 20 〉 Chapter 20. Choice.

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**

Farming.

It's considered one of the most representative and arduous labors in our long history, yet surprisingly, many people enjoy and love it.

You don't have to look far to find that I'm one of them.

I like it but… The reasons people like it are as diverse as the number of people in the world, but I think the most common reason is that the reward follows in proportion to the effort?

There's a saying, ‘The land doesn't lie.’

Well, the sky high above often spews out lies that are hard to accept.

Torrential rains, storms, droughts, and so on.

Anyway, farmers set out to work at the same time every day — before the stars disappear beyond the horizon and the sun reveals itself.

I plow the fields, pulling weeds, compact the soil.

Rustle, I generously sow the seeds.

Even though the seeds sometimes don't germinate, even though they wither away right after sprouting, even though they become fertilizer for other plants without bearing fruit, I continue to sow seeds diligently, following their lead.

And finally, has the sky recognized the sincerity of my prayers?

Green cotyledons have begun to sprout from the seeds I've sown.

Quietly, little by little.

Crack, the shells start to break.

This one is Anna.

This one is Remi.

And this one is—

—Elli.

I decided to call this plant 'Elli', after her nickname.

**

One month ago.

The day I planted a seed in Saelli, or rather, Big Sis Elli.

After I was subdued by Elli while pretending to have a meltdown after realizing I had lost my memory, I woke up in a bed in a bedroom and started revealing my memories bit by bit, amidst Elli's concern.

You said I didn't have to force myself to remember if my head hurt or my heart ached, didn't you? Her words, prioritizing my well-being over my memories, almost brought tears to my eyes.

Sniffle, sniffle.

Well, it was all an act from the start.

'Aris Akaia' had to die. There was no reason for her to live.

So I, myself, decided to kill her.

I said I had forgotten everything.

The memories of ten years, the happy past, my precious family, even my own name—everything was gone.

Like bubbles formed by the waves, disappearing as they crashed against a solid reef.

Crash, I was about to vanish.

Except for one thing.

"Anna…"

"…Anna, is that your name?"

I simply muttered the one syllables, 'Anna', in response to Big Sis Elli's question about my name.

Anna.

Anna Akaia.

My unfortunate older sister, who attacked me, the root cause of her inferiority, to escape from it.

She must be continuing her relentless efforts, for me, who died a meaningless death due to her wrong choice.

".....No… no...!!"

"....!!"

"I...! I'm calling that name... Who is it? Who is it? AAAH...!!"

"...Calm down!! Breathe, take a deep breath. Now—"

I clutched my chest and wept.

Tears streamed down, soaking the bandage.

After that, there were incidents where I almost passed out again because Elli thought I was panicking, or where I was forcefully laid back down on the bed while writhing.

The recoil of being laid down sent tingling sensations throughout my body, making me scream.

And then, Elli, not knowing what to do, kept apologizing.

Hearing Elli's flustered voice was so enjoyable.

According to Saelli, I was found downstream of the river.

Even though the river served as a natural border, and one could travel through multiple countries by following its course, there were limits.

And considering the state of my body, I couldn't have been adrift for very long.

At most, a few dozen kilometers?

If my body had floated for longer than that, I would have become fish food.

So this place was within the Tesillia Kingdom, even if we extend the range as far as possible, at most it’s still 'nearby',

The name 'Anna', and my appearance, which seemed to be that of a noble.

Considering her kind heart, which led her to treat a young child like me with such care, I'm sure she would spare no effort to uncover my past.

Then, eventually, she would find out as a reward for her sincerity.

The horrific past of me, 'Aris Akaia'.

A child found on the brink of death.

No one knew what kind of atrocities had been inflicted upon her, but her body was mangled beyond words, and she seemed so traumatized that she couldn't even remember what had happened.

And all that the child could remember was two syllables, presumably the name of a family member. (TL Note: Two Syllables, Why? Because Anna’s Korean name is 안나 which consist of two.)

"Anna.....Anna....."

"......."

As if those two syllables were incredibly precious, the child called out that name every day, singing about wanting to see her.

She even whispered the name in her sleep.

But the gods are cruel.

The truth she finally uncovered was—that the sister the child so desperately wanted to see was the perpetrator of that horrific crime.

Driven by envy of her younger sister's talent, she ruthlessly stabbed her youngest sister and threw her off a cliff. A depraved soul.

It was hard to believe that she was human, with warm blood flowing through her veins like everyone else.

Heehee.

Hahahaha.

Would Elli tell me the horrifying truth?

Or would she betray the child's expectations and lie?

A white lie, as they call it.

A doctor telling a terminally ill patient that they can live, instilling false hope.

Some might consider it a good deed born from good intentions.

But in the end, a lie is a lie.

Those who utter lies must bear the consequences of their actions.

I'm curious.

What choice will Big Sis make?

Now—

Choose.

**

Life is a series of choices, and no one can escape that cycle.

She had hoped this moment wouldn't come, but the moment of choice had found her.

Ta-da, like this.

After the "disinfection" routine, which had been unusually intense compared to previous days,

I could sense something amiss in Elli's attitude towards me.

Huh...?

Of course, I had known before that she felt an inexplicable sense of guilt towards me, but the intensity was different today.

If it was like regular coffee before, now it's like Starbucks?

"… Big sis…?"

"........"

Tap, tap, I walked into the kitchen, leaning on my cane.

I called out to her, but there was no answer.

Unlike before, when she would respond within seconds to my words, Elli didn't seem to register my presence.

I walked towards where I sensed her presence and, spreading my arms, jumped into her embrace.

Hug, Elli's distinct, metallic scent assaulted my senses.

I can’t make out the smell of flowers or food, but for some reason, but I was strangely sensitive to the smell of blood.

How strange.

I snuggled against her back and called out her name.

"Big sis Elli…?"

"… Ah!"

She always noticed me, even when I snuck up on her from behind with all my effort.

For Elli, with her remarkable perception, to not react until I approached her with my cane and embraced her…

Elli's voice was startled as she realized I was hugging her, and she slowly started talking to me.

Heehee.

Big sis, you shouldn't play poker or anything like that, you know?

You'll lose everything, from top to bottom.

I could tell just by your voice.

"… I’m sorry. I made a mistake."

"Huh..? What do you mean…?"

"…It’s nothing. Yes. Now, let’s eat."

Her tone was more broken than usual, and her responses were delayed, as if she was absentminded.

It was to the extent that even a young child who adored and followed her older sister would notice something was wrong.

Big Sis, you found out, didn't you?

I found out too.

Was that why today's 'disinfection' was so painful?

Sensing her strangeness, I slowly sat down in my designated seat for my meals.

A soft chair welcomed me.

"…Here you go. I tried something a little different today."

"............"

"…Is something…not to your liking?"

The spoon wasn't lifted, it just moved around in circles, swirling.

Scrape, scrape, the spoon scraped against the bowl, making a sharp sound.

The meal was, as always, a thin soup tailored to my condition. However, seeing that the portion was larger than before and there were some solid ingredients, it seemed Elli felt that my condition had improved considerably.

Thud, I didn't pick up the spoon for a long time.

"......."

"......."

As I put the spoon down, a heavy silence descended upon the kitchen.

I felt her gaze fixed on me. Maybe she thought I was uncomfortable with the different meal?

Or maybe she thought I was too weak to even eat because of the unusually painful treatment?

Well, I do want to eat something else.

I spoke.

"Big sis Elli…"

"… Yes? What is it?"

Elli's voice trembled slightly.

A well-controlled tone, so subtle that one wouldn't notice the difference without listening carefully.

But often, those who pretend to be composed on the surface are actually rotting away inside.

Big Sis Elli, are you listing all the possible mistakes you might have made, lost in a whirlwind of delusions?

But what I'm about to say is something bigger than those trivial matters, something like...

Yes.

A bomb, you could say?

I spoke slowly, in a low voice.

Gulp, I heard Elli swallowing nervously.

"Big Sis… Did you find Anna?"

".....!"

The air froze.

Now is the time to choose, Big Sis Elli.

What will you choose—?

A reality where only despair exists.

An illusion where hope doesn't even exist.

Both are, well, pretty much the same.

Think long and hard about it.

Really~ really hard.

**

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