The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 21 〉 Chapter 21. Naming.

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My heart pounded uncontrollably, like it had lost all sense of rhythm.

The child, she won't hear this, right?

Anxiety gripped me. The child had asked her question and remained motionless, simply staring at me intently.

"........"

"........"

The silence was unbearably heavy.

Her eyes, covered by the bandage, surely couldn't see me, but I unconsciously averted my gaze from where I imagined them to be and stared at the floor.

The weight of my guilt pressed down on me. But that guilt soon transformed into rage, burning within my heart.

Anna. Anna Akaia.

That damn, that damn Anna...!!

The rage, unable to be fully contained, was directed at a person I had never even spoken to.

Anna... You, that human being... Why are you still lingering here like a ghost, refusing to leave this child's side...!!

Let… Let go of this child…

Indescribable anger surged through my spine. I felt my head growing hot, my pupils dilating. It was like I was drunk on strong liquor.

But those emotions soon had to subside.

Because I had no right to feel that way in front of this child.

"...Big Sis Elli?"

"...Ah—"

The sound of my name, spoken cautiously, brought me back from my thoughts.

They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul.

Even though I couldn't see the child's face because of the bandage, I could still sense her affection for me in her voice, her tone, and the curve of her lips.

Yes.

The child was kind.

There was no other way to describe it.

A child so kind that she only knew how to care for others, neglecting herself.

There must have been things she wanted to complain about, this stifling life.

She could have been suspicious of my strange and bizarre actions, which only brought her pain.

She could have acted spoiled, even just once.

But instead, the child always prioritized my gloomy mood, striving to lighten the atmosphere, diligently following my often odd and strange words or commands.

That was affection.

An affection so sweet it would melt your tongue, so thick and suffocating that it was impossible to escape.

In the end, I had no choice but to admit it.

I couldn't let go of this child in front of me.

"Ah...Anna, that was the name, wasn't it…"

".....Yes..!"

As I started talking about Anna, the child's face brightened noticeably.

It was a beautiful smile, one I had never seen before.

—Crunch.

I bit my lip. My sharp fangs, which could easily tear through tough meat, pierced through my delicate lip like a sheet of paper, drawing blood.

After I tasted the salty tang of blood. It felt like my chaotic thoughts were slowly settling down.

"......"

Gulp. I swallowed.

The words, "I wish you were a bad child," almost escaped my lips.

But my wish disappeared with the swallowed saliva, sinking into the dark abyss within.

To wish for a kind child to be bad…

I truly am an irredeemable monster.

Would I have felt a little better if you had feared me, rejected me, betrayed me, attacked me—tried to leave this place and run far away?

If you had—

—I could have devoured you without any regrets.

But it's too late now.

".....Ah, that's right. Anna, Anna… Anna.."

"...Did you find out anything, Big Sis?"

"Ah.... Aaah... Yes. I did find something."

I was now standing at a crossroads.

The words I uttered now would drastically change our lives from this point forward. For some reason, I felt that way. My intuition was sounding the alarm.

If I crossed this line, there would be no turning back.

I raised my hand and covered my eyes.

Darkness descended.

It was as if a long line had been drawn before me.

Should I tell the truth?

Should I betray the child's trust?

If I told her the cruel truth, she would definitely run to her sister.

I couldn't think of any other future. Knowing her, that's exactly what she would do.

—But I have to stop that, no matter what.

The devil whispered.

To ease her sister's guilt, who must have believed that she had killed her, or perhaps to hear the reason why the first princess hated her, the child would seek out her sister.

Maybe it’s both.

Because that's the kind of heart she had.

Even facing the murderer who coldly tried to kill her, the child would probably say it was her fault.

She would say she would fix anything her sister disliked, begging her not to abandon her.

She would cry and wail, obediently following any humiliating order.

What would become of the child?

What would that woman do?

Would that woman, who committed such a cruel act without hesitation, throw a celebration because the child she thought she had killed had returned alive? Would she hold a ball and invite people, declaring it a joyous occasion?

Would she provide a warm home and food for the child, welcoming her back as a cherished family member?

No… no…

That's… That’s impossible…!!!

Crack, I heard something shatter within me.

I crossed the line that had been drawn before me.

I can't believe it.

Yes, I can't leave the child in that woman's care. She's not worthy, she doesn't deserve it.

It would be a blessing if she didn’t try to kill her again.

‘U-Uh… Big sis…’

‘….!!’

The image of the child, covered in blood, writhing like a corpse on the riverbank, was still vivid in my mind.

The child would be betrayed again, suffering an unforgettable wound.

I can't allow that.

Yes.

This is all —to protect the child.

It’s not a betrayal.

This is, protection…!

So I will.

I will—

"—I’m sorry. I couldn’t find anyone with that name."

"…Ah…?"

"I couldn’t…find her."

The child's bright smile froze, her happy expression turning stiff.

I spoke.

One syllable at a time.

Clearly and precisely, so that she could hear.

She's not there.

She's not there, I said.

Such a person doesn't exist.

Even if she does, I won't allow it.

So don't chase after that illusion.

But, I'm here for you, right in front of you.

"There's no one like that."

"Ah... Uh…?"

"Not a single one."

Hearing my answer, the child wrapped her right arm, the only one she could move freely, around her left arm and started trembling.

Ah.

I've said it.

I’ve said it.

There's no turning back now.

Was she that shocked?

—The child's body slowly started to tilt sideways.

"—Ah no."

"Huh... Huh! Haa... Haa..."

Thud.

I quickly got up from my chair and went to the child's side.

I supported her fragile body, which was swaying precariously as if in shock, before she could fall off the chair.

The child’s body was as light as a cloud, as soft as a feather.

It was all for her.

The angel in my heart smiled faintly, nodded, and then slowly vanished.

I'm sorry.

But, I love you.

I held the child tightly in my arms and patted her back gently. Maybe it was just my imagination, but her moans seemed to have subsided a little.

It felt so good that the child was leaning on me completely.

I thought to myself.

I should have done this sooner.

"Ah..... Ah......!"

"There, there, it's alright. Maybe if we keep looking, we'll find her, right?"

"R-Really...?"

"Of course. I'll stay by your side and help you until we find her."

Did they say that forgetting is a blessing from the gods?

But for a child who could only live clinging to two syllables of a name, having lost all her memories and her past, forgetting was nothing but a curse.

Hope, clues, memories, the past.

Having lost all those mental pillars, the child who had been so mature seemed just like any other girl her age.

I saw the mirror from before, reflecting me as I patted the child in my arms.

The same dirty, black hair as always.

Blood-red eyes, revealing my true nature as a monster, a truth I could never hide.

The same grim face I had been looking at for hundreds of years.

But there was one thing that had changed.

What’s this, me?

I've always worn a mask…

I could make an expression like that too, huh?

It's rather nice.

"Huu…huu…uwaaaaaah…!!"

"Yes, it's okay to cry. Here, I'm here for you, aren't I?"

I patted the child's back as she buried her face in my chest and sobbed.

At this moment, no, from now on, I was the only one this child could rely on.

At this moment, the future that had been split in two narrowed down to one.

Smirk.

I saw the reflection of the red-eyed woman in the mirror, her lips stretching into a wide grin.

I looked straight at the mirror and said,

*It doesn't matter what anyone says.*

You, all of you, made me this way.

I'm a bad monster.

It’s only natural for a monster to do bad things, right?

I will make this child mine.

I gently stroked the neck of the child, who had completely surrendered herself to me. I extended my nails slightly, leaving small marks on her milky-white, unblemished neck.

One wasn't enough, so I made two.

"I'll give you a name."

"...Big Sis Ell…i?"

"It's quite lonely to not have a name to be called by."

The child stopped crying and looked up at me.

I flicked my snake-like tongue and slowly started to wrap a leash around her neck.

I will make you happy.

Now,

"Alice, how does that sound?"

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