The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

Join the discord! Here

* * *

〈 Chapter 29 〉 Chapter 29. Punishment.

* * *

**

Just like a ball thrown into the sky eventually falls back down.

The lie, built upon sand, its foundation shaky from the start, was destined to crumble.

Yes.

A betrayal that would be exposed someday.

A lie that would be revealed someday.

Everything was predetermined from the beginning.

"...Big…sis?"

"......."

"Big Sis Elli, are you there?"

Rustle, I see the child approaching, parting the thick undergrowth with her small, delicate hands.

Is this an illusion created by my anxiety?

But it's too real to be a dream, too vivid to be an illusion, every sound, every breath, is just like the child I know.

I had no choice but to accept it.

That this was reality, a reality more miserable than any other.

"Are you… there, Big Sis?"

"......."

Her snow-white skin was covered in red, inflamed scratches from the rough vegetation.

One step, another step, the child approached, enduring the pain and sting.

Under the moonlight.

I see her eyes, shimmering beautifully, reflecting the soft moonlight like embedded jewels, a sight I had never seen before.

The sins I had committed, built upon deception and betrayal.

They were now laid bare.

Watching her approach, I struggled to swallow the question that threatened to burst from my lips.

—Why are you here, Alice?

The cruel answer to that question.

Was walking towards me.

**

The moment I spotted the child, I crouched down, hiding myself in the darkness behind the trees, worried that my body would be visible under the moonlight.

My heart pounded, my breathing became ragged. I held my breath and covered my mouth, afraid the child would hear me.

A pathetic struggle, something that even a young child wouldn't make.

Please don't find me.

Just pass by, like this.

But such clumsy actions wouldn't work.

The child's eyes found me in the shadows, and at the same time, she stopped in her tracks.

I've been discovered.

That thought consumed my mind.

"........"

".......—Ah."

A moment of silence fell upon us.

I prayed to a god I didn't believe in, hoping that moment would last forever.

But the gods weren't benevolent enough to grant miracles to non-believers.

Slowly, the child's mouth opened.

"Big Sis, I, found you...."

"......."

"I woke up… and you weren't there… so I was sc-scared…!"

The worst situation, the worst time, the worst place.

The child stumbled over her words as she spoke to me, but I couldn't hear anything she said.

No.

Don't look.

I looked around.

As if someone had splattered red paint everywhere, the forest, which should have been a mix of green, blue, and a touch of black, had lost its original colors.

Could this even be called a color?

This was life, this was passion, this was love and violence.

Blood.

Trees, covered in splattered crimson, stained red.

I kept putting it off and off and off, and now, all the karma I had accumulated had returned to its rightful owner.

An undeniable, inescapable truth.

"......."

I bowed my head.

I opened my hands, and saw that they were stained red, with unidentifiable clumps of fatty matter clinging between my fingers.

Bits of flesh, still tasting sweet, lingered in my mouth.

Thud, I slammed my head against the dirt.

Again and again.

Again, and again.

In the distance, I heard the child's voice filled with concern. Still, I couldn't stop.

Yes.

I've been found out, in the end.

Everything has been revealed.

What I am.

What I have done.

You've seen it all.

"...—Alice."

"Uh… huh…?"

"Alice… Alice… Alice…!"

The surging emotions spilled out as the child's name.

I snapped my head up. In the distance, I saw the child, panicked by my actions, desperately trying to run towards me.

The child's eyes, as she approached, gradually filled with anxiety. Sensing my unusual demeanor, the child, sensitive to the emotions of others, slowly hardened her expression.

It was as if it was foreshadowing the future that awaited us.

It was heartbreaking.

It was so frustrating, so regrettable, so suffocating that I couldn't bear it.

I, too.

I didn't choose to be born a monster, one that’s unable to survive without drinking blood and consuming flesh.

I just liked this fleeting warmth, I just wanted to enjoy this peace a little longer.

Why are you looking at me like that, as if you're looking at someone who has committed a terrible act?

"Ah.... Aaah...."

I was going to tell you.

I was going to tell you, just after today passes, after this month passes, after this season passes! When I gather my courage!

Then.

I, too, was going to tell… you.

I didn't… plan to hide it forever.

I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say I was sorry, that I didn't mean to do it.

But the words that came out of my mouth were cold, hot, indifferent, and agitated, completely different from my true feelings.

Harsh words.

A sharp dagger, aimed at the child.

"….Why!!"

"—Hiee!?"

"—Why did you do that! Why!! Did you want to see me that badly? Is that it!!!"

I found myself questioning the child's actions.

Why did you come looking for me?

I told you to stay in the house.

I told you not to remove the bandage because your wounds could worsen.

With bloodshot eyes and a face stained with blood.

I walked towards the child, who was staring at me, dumbfounded.

Crunch, a twig snapped under my foot.

Yes, I know.

I knew full well that these weren't words I, who had confined the child in a pitch-black room, who had grabbed her ankle to prevent her from going anywhere, who had locked the door, should be saying,

I knew full well that these weren't things I, who had robbed the wandering child of her family, her past, her very name, should be uttering.

I knew it, with a burning sense of shame.

But.

But right now.

I felt like I would crumble if I didn't think that way.

"...Big Sis…?"

"Yes, it's Saelli. I'm your, Big Sister!!"

The child, who had been looking around blankly, hardened her expression in shock as she saw me approach.

As I stepped out of the shadows that had concealed me and into the moonlight, Alice seemed to lose her strength, collapsing to the ground as she finally saw me clearly.

I strode towards her and reached her in a few steps.

I grabbed the child's hand, which had been slowly inching away from me, and pulled her towards me.

"Where, are you going?"

"...Ah… uh… Big Sis Elli…"

"I asked you, where are you going?"

The child's embrace, which had always been warm, now felt chillingly cold.

The sticky substance on my hand smeared onto her arm.

I applied a little pressure.

—Squeeze.

"Hii..! Hiee—!?"

"What's wrong, Alice? I'm your big sister, right? It's me, Saelli!!"

Whether it was from fear or shock, Alice's teeth started chattering uncontrollably. Her hands and feet, limp with fear, dangled uselessly as she stared at me blankly.

That sight, made my heart burn.

I forced her head, which was turning away to avoid my gaze, to face me.

I saw the child's terrified expression, and my blood boiled.

Don't turn away.

Look at me.

As I clenched my teeth, my sharp teeth pierced my lip, and a trickle of blood from the wound flowed down my chin.

Alice.

Why are you looking at me like that?

It's me, you know?

It's Saelli, the Saelli you always called Big Sis Elli, right?

You said you liked me.

You said you would stay by my side forever.

You said you loved me, no matter what.

Lost in those thoughts, I caressed the area around Alice's blue eyes, now fully exposed.

Swish, swish, my still-not-yet dried blood smeared onto her beautiful skin.

What are you, so afraid of?

......

Hmm? Tell me.

.....

The child flinched every time my hand brushed against her. Alice didn't answer the small question that came out of my mouth.

I asked, poking her eyelid with a finger tipped with a sharp nail.

Her eyes, darting back and forth.

"You removed, the bandage?"

"I… ah… aaah… I-I'm, sorry… Big Sis…"

The child, forcefully embraced in my arms, was trembling violently, as if terrified of something.

Watching this sight, I didn't stop caressing her.

I slowly moved my hand, moistening my finger with the blood from my lip as it dried, and gently smeared it on her pristine silver hair, her red lips, her flawless neck.

Alice was a bright child.

She probably understood the current situation completely.

—That I, was not a normal human being, to say the least.

She must be terrified, scared.

The child's body, barely ten years old, tried to escape from my embrace. Her mouth, open as if to moan, couldn't close.

But she was still trying to obey me. The effort she put into looking up at me, not avoiding my gaze, was quite cute.

In those eyes, clear as glass beads, I saw a monster covered in blood, staring at its next prey.

With glowing red eyes, intently watching its next prey.

That sight made me tighten my grip on the child even more.

Tightly.

So that I wouldn't, let go.

—Squeeze!!

"Hiaaaa-!? It, it hurts!! Ah, it hurts!!"

"The bandage, I told you, over and over, not to remove them."

"—Kyaaaaaaaaak!!!!"

A high-pitched scream echoed through the forest.

Alice struggled desperately, trying to pull her wrist free from my tightening grip, which was getting stronger and stronger.

But the child's strength was too weak, her resistance only lasted a few minutes. I lifted the child, who was about to collapse, gasping for breath.

I embraced her again, preventing her from slipping away.

Thump, thump, weak punches landed on my chest.

The child was looking at me with pleading eyes.

A single tear that couldn't be held back falls onto my hand.

Drip.

Her fragile appearance, begging for forgiveness, saying she was wrong, that she wouldn't do it again, made my heart sink deeper into a sticky swamp.

What did you do wrong?

Do you want to run away from me that badly?

Do you want to escape from the scary monster?

Are you, abandoning me in the end?

Ah really,

"—You're a bad girl."

"...I… I was wrong… Big Sis… I’m sorry… I won’t… do it again… so—"

"Really, you're such a bad girl."

Countless emotions, impossible to put into words, swirled within me.

It felt like paints of all colors were mixing together, converging into a single point.

This is sadness.

This is anger.

This is, resentment.

If I had to describe my current emotions with a color — it would be the color of dirty, filthy ink, destined to be discarded.

Yes.

This is the color of a small, betrayal.

Maybe we were never meant to meet from the beginning.

"A bad girl, needs to be punished, right?"

"…I… don’t want this… Big Sis… I’m… sorry…"

In the child's eyes, I saw a monster opening its jaws wide.

Not to be outdone, I opened my mouth even wider.

With my mouth wide open, I could no longer see the child in my eyes.

I closed my mouth, accompanied by a scream.

Crunch.

My mouth was filled with something.

**

* * *