The Girl Wants to Be Murdered

TL/Editor: Butter Cat

Status: 4/week mon-thurs

Illustrations: none

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〈 Chapter 30 〉 Chapter 30. Mistake.

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Crunch, crack, munch.

"Haaa....."

The five fleshy parts, torn, ground, and minced into a mangled mess, lost all semblance of their original form, reduced to a single lump of flesh.

A taste beyond compare to anything I had ever experienced.

My stomach, which had been screaming in agony, my esophagus, burning in a raging inferno, my mouth, parched and cracked, all welcomed the long-awaited rain from heaven.

Sweet.

Delicious.

More.

Just a little, more.

—Crunch.

A rich, heavy, savory flavor filled my mouth. With every chew, the sweetness and savoriness intensified, and I couldn't stop myself from grinding the meat in my mouth until it was completely pulverized.

I chewed, and chewed again.

Lost in a trance, I hugged myself with both arms.

As if convinced that this, and this alone, could save me.

Here was a single believer, who had embraced the truth.

That's how focused my mind was, on that single sensation of pleasure.

A warm feeling spread throughout my body.

The cold, monstrous blood within me seemed to be fading away.

As it did, the unbearable pain that had consumed my body subsided, and the waves of emotions that had overwhelmed my reason calmed down.

Gradually, my mind returned.

My blurred vision cleared, and I started to hear the sounds around me.

"Haa..."

A small moan escaped my lips.

Gulp, I swallowed the last bit of flesh, now too finely ground to chew any further, and savored the sensation as it slowly traveled down my throat.

At the same time, my clearing mind questioned the food I had just consumed.

I want to eat it again.

What I just ate.

What was it?

The thick fog that had clouded my mind slowly dissipated.

And gradually, a sense of unease crept over me.

I had definitely made an irreversible mistake, but I couldn't remember what it was.

Stop it.

Don't think about it.

My reason and intuition screamed at me to stop thinking about it.

But I couldn't, I couldn't escape from this unsettling feeling.

I had to remember.

What did I just do?

I think Alice was here.

And where did the child who was in front of me go?

The moment that question surfaced, the warmth that had been spreading through my body vanished, replaced by a bone-chilling cold that made goosebumps erupt all over my skin.

As if I had remembered something I shouldn't have—

".......Ah?"

Like a broken machine, my head slowly lowers.

Creak, it sounded like the unoiled joints of a doll that had been left unattended for a long time.

What?

What, happened?

The first thing I saw was silver hair, stained with blood.

The hair, which had shimmered beautifully as if it held the Milky Way, was now smeared with a dark, reddish substance, as if someone had painted it on.

The child was lying on the ground, as if she had been attacked.

"—Huh?"

Huh?

Wha...?

This can't be, right?

Why…?

The moment I saw Alice sprawled there, my mind went blank.

My head, turned into a blank slate, tried to deny the horrifying sight before me.

But my body, simply following the initial command, continued to lower my head.

Little by little, bit by bit.

The truth, came into view.

And at the same time, everything came rushing back.

As my gaze moved lower, I saw Alice kneeling on the ground, her right hand clutching the sleeve of her left arm, her body curled up.

I started to hear the sound I had been denying in my mind, the sound I had been ignoring despite hearing it.

A faint scream, like a whisper, as if she was crawling on the ground.

I heard it, finally.

"Uu… aaah… g-guh… ka,hak…"

"......Huh?"

The child was moaning, lying in a pool of blood, clutching her empty wrist.

She was trembling, trying desperately to stop the bleeding from the spot covered by her sleeve.

Drip.

A single drop of blood, seeped through the fabric and fell.

It landed on the pool of blood, creating a small ripple before merging with it.

Starting with that single drop, the blood began to gushed out from the sleeve she was clutching, like a fountain, spraying in all directions.

Splat.

The blood, spraying out, landed on my face.

I wiped the liquid from my face with a trembling hand.

Sticky, dark red—

"Ah."

The moment I saw it, I felt a scream erupt from my chest, tearing through my very being.

What that pool of blood was made of.

Who caused it.

What this situation was.

Realizing all that, I screamed with all my might, unleashing all the strength within me.

Strangely, no tears came.

I felt only a desolate emptiness, as if I had been pushed into a bottomless pit with no way out, no escape in sight.

Yes.

I was in despair.

"—KIAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

**

A mirror once broken can reflect no one.

A petal once fallen can never return to its branch.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

I knelt before the child's trembling form, apologizing hundreds of times in my heart, for a forgiveness that would never be granted.

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

"Hahk...ah,uah....hi,hihi..Bi,gsis..."

".....Aaah..."

I hurriedly tried to stop the bleeding from her wrist, but it seemed she had already lost too much blood, and Alice's condition wasn't good.

Her face, illuminated by the moonlight, was pale, her lips blue.

Flap, the empty sleeve of her left hand, fluttered listlessly in the wind.

Even so, the child was just smiling at me, as if she was happy about something.

That sight, was unbearable.

"—Why, are you looking at me like that…!"

"....Hehe..."

"I said! Don't, look at me! With those eyes—!!"

Despite my harsh words, the child only smiled faintly.

It only made me feel more guilty for raising my voice.

Up close, in those beautiful blue eyes, I saw the terrified face of a coward.

Like, a complete reversal of our roles from just moments ago.

The one who had been irreversibly wounded wore a smile of relief, a benevolent expression that embraced everything.

And the one who had inflicted the pain wore a terrified expression, screaming in agony as if she was the one who had been hurt.

That fact, made me sick to my stomach.

I was disgusted by my own behavior, acting as if I was the one who had been hurt, the victim, trying to evoke sympathy.

The one truly hurt was this little child.

This child, for whose only support had been a small twig, only to find out that the twig was actually a monster that deceived and devoured people.

This poor child, not even allowed to rely on others, is right in front of me.

I couldn't even imagine how much pain this kind and gentle child must have felt because of my betrayal.

And yet, here I was, a filthy slob who deserved to die, acting as if I was the one in pain, wearing a tormented expression.

I stuck my finger down my throat, trying to vomit out the guilt that was consuming me.

Heave, heave.

But no matter how much I retched, all that came out were bits of already digested flesh.

The child's hand, couldn’t be fixed.

A miserable reality, as if reminding me of that fact.

"—Hate me!! I, this crazy monster!! Is right here in front of you!!"

"Ah… Heehee… I-Is that so…?"

"That's not 'Is that so'!! Why!! Why..... In this situation.... like that....."

Despite everything, Alice didn't stop smiling.

Instead of stopping, her smile only widened every time she saw my contorted face.

"B-But…it's, okay…"

".....What?"

Swish, her soft right hand gently caressed my cheek.

It was a slow, trembling movement, but I could only watch, dumbfounded.

At some point, the tears I had been shedding were wiped away by the little child's hand.

"Elli… Big Sis, for,gave… me…? Heehee…"

"—!?"

"N-Now… I’m not… a, bad child… anymore, right? Ri-ght?"

Her trembling hand slowly moved away from my cheek and fell to the ground with a soft thud.

My body, touched by the child's hand, remained frozen, unable to move.

Ah.

Only then did I realize what I had been thinking wrong.

Arrogant and ignorant, selfishly focused on my own pain.

A simple truth.

Just because I'm hurt, doesn't mean others aren't.

That's right.

The one hurt, the monster, wasn't just me.

I had been so preoccupied with my own pain that I had disregarded the suffering of others.

The child, too, no, the child, more than anyone else, must have been so hurt.

And yet, I, acting as if I was the protagonist of a tragedy, wallowed in my own grief, blind to the pain of others.

"I’m… sorry… I was wrong… Don’t… hate me anymore… okay?"

"…Ah… Aaah…!!"

"I’ll… I’ll… re-bandage it… So… I’ll listen to you well, Big Sis Elli… like before… read books to me…"

"—Aaaaaaaaah!!!"

This was all,

A sin I had created.

Afraid of being abandoned, I had raised my spines like a hedgehog, lashing out at everything in sight.

Unable to accept the warmth that had reached out to me, I had doubted, distrusted, and deceived with a false truth.

I had cunningly deceived, tempted, and trained the child to make her focus solely on me.

The child was already prepared to accept everything, and yet, I kept putting it off, because I lacked the courage to reveal the truth, creating this nightmare.

"—So… you’re not… abandoning me… right?"

".....!!!!"

I cried.

Amidst my sorrowful cries, the sun slowly started to rise.

The midsummer night's dream, had ended.

But the scars, left by that nightmare, would remain forever.

As they always have.

The sun rises, and a new day begins.

That was all.

**

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